How many children?

Foreign women married to Japanese men, how many children do you have? And, especially if you have more then one, do you still manage to have a fulfilling life of your own?

I'm asking because my Japanese husband wants more children (we have one) but I'm reluctant. With limited Japanese and countryside living, I mostly clean, cook and take care of the baby. She's growing up so I just started getting a little time of my own, and I want to start working eventually and travel as I used to, and I'm afraid that another baby will make me forget myself and turn into an apron-wearing housewife.

There is no set amount. I have friends with only one, others with two or three and one couple with 8! It is a matter of what the couple wants and can handle. It is personal choice. The more you have, the busier you will be, of course.

Thanks for the reply hirosumi. I was actually asking a different thing, not how many children you think I should have.

Would you want another child in your life? I don't know how old your child is, but if you think that eventually you would want another child in your life, now might be the time. One of my friends decided to have the second child soon after the first one, saying she's going to get through the baby-raising quickly lol. Some women want to (excuse the language) "get done" with the child raising part quickly/while they are relatively young so that they can get their "life back," if that's how they feel. Some other women, with the help of their mother or mother-in-law, manage to maintain a balance between the child-raising needs and her own needs (including work) somehow.

In any case, though, their lives don't go back to what they used to be; their lives become richer because of the children. Maybe not in the sense of traveling and working with no restriction, though.

It really comes down to the question of what you want, and what your husband wants too. It sounds like you are just getting through the baby/small child raising part that you might not want to jump into having another child. Just not yet. Please take your time to probe into your feelings :)

(Sorry this comes from a Japanese woman, married to a foreign man, no kids. But I've seen many of my friends go through different phases.)

Thank you AK! You are right, I have to do some serious thinking :)

To Me,

If that's your problem, you need to discuss with your husband so that you can attend Japanese language lessons with your child (you can often find volunteer teachers), a babysitter (municipals can be supportive than you'd think), your husband do the cleaning, cooking and taking care of your child(ren), enough so that you can all travel together or so that you can leave your child(ren) with your husband and travel all by yourself.

Thank goodness it's your husband who wants another baby. He needs to answer your needs in order to grant his. Problems are always there for a reason. As you try to solve them, you realize other parts of your life getting better as well.

And sorry this comes from a Japanese with one grown child. But you can have your Japanese husband discuss with your local city hall so that he can find fellow foreign wives for you living as close as possible. Then you can ask all your questions to them.

This will maybe sound strange...


Talk with your husband, how many children is he thinking about to have ?

The most was say by the others here.

The only tipp I can give to you is, you should have another one so you can give him/her a sister/brother to play during they grow up!

This will influence them during they grow up.
If a children grow up alone it will feel lonely often...

Thank you Uco, that's very helpful.

Uriziel, good point. But bringing up a child requires much effort, financial and otherwise, so it's not that simple.

If a children grow up alone it will feel lonely often...

Not really. I'm an only child and there's always good sides and bad sides about having siblings and not having siblings.

Anyway, this is a good chance for the OP to think about her and her family's life. And, right, having/raising children aren't that simple at all, and that's the best part of it.

I grew up as an only child as well. In all honesty the only time I felt alone was Christmas time. I always wished I would've had an older sibling to share that with.

Even though I lacked siblings I had cousins. My mother's nieces and nephews lived close by.

I'm a foreign woman married to a Japanese man and living in Tokyo. I have a two-year-old and we are hoping to have a second in the next couple of years. Most of the other women married to Japanese men that I know either have two children, or have one and are planning another.

Whether you can have a fulfilling life with two children depends on your situation and what you consider fulfilling I guess!

in general japan population is aging because the people don't want to have children. so usually nowadays the young couples do not have children, or only 1 baby. i would say max is 2 children.

in general japan population is aging because the people don't want to have children.

To be precise, that should be "in general japan population is aging because the people don't have children."

A lot of couples do want children but cannot or do not because of the lack of support. And public support does differ greatly depending on the municipal or area.

And unlike countries like China where having less children are appreciated, Japan encourages people to have more children, otherwise there will be a lack of taxes and pension in the future.

Either way, by planning your life ahead, you can make it much easier to raise a child or your second one.

I think one thing that would help encourage people to have children is if it was mandatory for companies to have a childcare facility in the building so that mothers can go back to work and still be in close contact with their child. Aside from the expenses needed to raise a child, I feel this may be the main problem. I'm not certain, but I think that the lack of convenient childcare facilities available for young mothers is a problem in Japan.

I have two boys (5 & 2) with a japanese wife.

We're no longer in Japan, now based in HK. She's been a houseiwfe for 7 yrs now. Great upbringing for the kids, but painful on the wallet as a one income provider...

I find a lot of japanese women after getting married, hang up the office wear for a life long career being a house wife. I have more problems with this from a financial aspect when most family are double income with a maid/ relatives to help look after the kids.

thoughts?

To two,

The way to solve your problem depends on why your wife decided not to work.