Custody issues with partner’s ex

Hi,

There is a bit of a story with this so I will do my best to explain as much detail as possible.

My Japanese partner (whom I am engaged to be married with) was previously in a 15 year relationship with her ex husband in the US.

Five years ago they had a son. 2 years ago the father demanded a divorce against my partners wishes but she carried it out and moved back to Japan.

Originally the father requested custody of the child for half of the year, the other half would go to the mother.
But they settled at the divorce to give the mother full custody but allowing the child to travel to the US to spend the summer holidays with the father - once he was old enough to travel alone.
My partner also allows the father to visit Japan when he wants to spend some time with his son. She has been paying for this as well but that's another issue.


This father had always said he wished for his Ex wife to find someone special to love her.
Along came me etc..
Last month I asked proposed to my partner and to my delight she said yes.

Now the father is being very aggressive towards my Partner regarding the custody of the now 5 year old child. He is saying he will not allow his child to live with another man, end of discussion - his words. He is demanding my partner give us custody of the son to him as she now has someone in her life.

This father has never paid a cent in child support and demanded divorce so he could live his dream to become a tattoo artist. He has not had a stable income for years. My partner has paid his accommodation and flights for him to see his son last year and just recently this year. She also provided spending money for him (so her son will have a good time).

We have never attempted to prevent him from seeing his child nor have any plans to either. I guess this man is worried that I am trying to take his son away from him.

He knows a lawyer from the DA office in the USA and claims to have already contacted them. He also claims he has rights to have full custody of the child if they cannot agree on something. I doubt this is true and to me sounds like he is possibly trying to guilt her into giving up the child.

I think he has zero chance of getting custody of the child as he cannot prove he would be a competent father especially without an income (his source of money comes from selling drawings at a market). My partner has been a wonderful mother and lives with her parents so the child always has family around.

I'd like to get thoughts from others about this situation if possible. I'm concerned what a custody battle would do in my relationship. My partner does not want to loose her son and I don't blame her. The father I guess just does not want another man to be in his sons life.


I think ultimately he has absolutely no chance of getting custody of the child, even through the DA in America since the child is based in Japan now. Does this sound right?

Sounds about right.

He gave the full custody to the mother, so he has no way to get it back anymore, while she is living and providing for the child.

Even if joint custody would be given in U.S. it would have no effect, as Japan has not (yet) signed the Hague convention for returning children to their habitual residence countries.

I think it is up to the mother now, how she will deal with it. She can cut the guy from your life completely and he has no legal leverage to challenge it. But naturally it would be better for the child to know the father, even if he is not the model dad.

He is trying to control his ex through his son. It is not a healthy situation and I wonder if he really has the best interests of the child in mind. The mother should stop sponsoring his visits to Japan at the very least.

As for the legal aspect, you should start with the Japn relevant info on international-divorce.com and also take a look at the US State Departments page on Japan.

In the long run, it would be best for you to seek legal advice.

As far as I can tell he doesn't have any ground to stand on.

Even if Japan had/were to sign the Hague it wouldn't matter, the kid's "habitual residence" for the past three years has uncontestedly been Japan.

It's very unlikely that any US judge would side with him, but even if they did they have no jurisdiction over sovereign Japan.

My advice would be to assure your partner that she holds all the cards. It's really up to her to decide how much the child needs his biological father in his life. Make sure she knows that she's the boss. :)

Sorry I have not replied for awhile.

I've been letting the situation play out for a few days. It's not really getting any better.

My partner mentioned to him that she and her son will travel to see my hometown in Australia later this year.
He responded with a ton of verbal abuse saying she is putting stress on their son and that the boy is not permitted to leave Japan. She should give up custody and "have another child".

Frankly this guy is starting to really annoy me, I cannot believe someone could sink this low. He is making my partner feel sick, and now sometimes me too.

I've suggested to her she should say something like "I will no longer talk with you. have your lawyer contact me in writing"

She still doesn't want this trouble though but it's not looking avoidable at all :(
She does have full control though.

Have her write down the details up to this point and continue to document what is going on. How does he treat his son when they are together?

MM... how difficult situation, I think and trying to understand your partner, She doesn't want to provoque that one day her child might think or say " you separate my father from me!"

Maybe right now if it is possible for you, Just don't "push" her to do something that might "upest" the guy, I mean, I know this is like letting him "win" but sometimes sacrifices mustbe done and many times we have to prove to be "the better person" If you are there and you guys havea good relationship, just go ahead with it, share moments with your partner and her child, one day, sooner rather than later that child will see how things really are, Maybe just state your partner that if this guy wants to visit his child.. he has to do it with his own means...