Staying in touch with pen pals

This is a slightly awkward question for me to ask but I’ll ask anyway ;)

How do you stay in touch with pen pals?

The longest I’ve been able to stay in touch with some of them is one year, but after that for some reason they stopped replying.

In some cases it seemed like my pen pal and I were off to a promising start but then out of the blue they just stopped writing me and I really have no idea what I did (this happens with male and female pen pals).

I know that most pen pals don’t like long e-mails, so I do my best to keep them short (and if I go over, say, 300-500 words I apologize and tell them not to feel pressured to write more than they want).

Other than that, I use very simple English when needed; I’m optimistic; I try to reply at least once a week; I pay attention to what they write etc.

So, what am I doing wrong? Or… how did you manage to stay in touch with your pen pals for more than a year?

I found the same problem. I have had about 8 penpals over the past few years... some lasted almost a year and then they just stopped. One was even going to visit me but then it was snowing so it got cancelled... when she went back to Japan she emailed for a few more months but then stopped.

I also find that people seem really interested and then it just stops. Perhaps I'm just boring to them, lol!

I think an year is sort of like a term for a lot of relationships, not only penpals. A lot of people suddenly tend to get less motivated, or even overwhelmed by their year worth of motivation. It's not that they necessarily get tired of you, but they often get tired of writing itself.

One key is to find something mutual, like sharing the same hobbies or even same problems.

For example, let's say you both like movies. After a certain number of exchanges, your relationship might fade, but even after a long absence you can suddenly write again if you see a good movie and want to tell your friend about it.

Or if you have a mutual problem, the relationship may fade as the problem is solved. But then, you can write again if a similar problem comes up, or if the previous problem blooms into something nicer.

By the way, now that the weather is damp and the economy is bad, a lot of people in Japan are getting a bit tired. It's not necessarily about a person.

I have the same problem.
You start out with long letters, then it gets smaller and small. Or if they get busy you'll get letters once a year.
I had a penpal in Germen penpal and he started writing postcards in the end!

There's nothing much you can do :(
Wish I had somesone to write to.

Well, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

I was seriously starting to think that maybe it's me, somehow.

Uco, that's how I find all of my penpals. I always make sure we have at least one thing in common before I contact them and, when I get to know them a little better,I try to see if we have anything else in common.

When I haven't heard from them in one to two months or so, I will e-mail them and ask them how they're doing, but usually that tactic does not work.

I guess the best thing to do then is to just move on and pay attention to the penpals that do reply :)