Is it easy to make Japanese friends in Japan?

Hi. I've read on many topics that a great number of people complain about the difficulty to make friends in Japan, especially for Gaijins (= almost all of us).

I would like to know if it is indeed a true fact, or maybe is it just a coincidence, and I've read a lot of similar messages at the same time.

As I've never lived in Japan, I can't say anything about that.
As far as I am concerned, a ''friend'' is someone who spends nice moments with you, who is pleased to meet you and do interesting things, who can help you during hard moments (example: invites you to sleep at home for one night because you forgot the keys of your home...),....
Conclusion: a faithful person.

Is it possible to meet such friends like that in Japan??


Thanks :)

I think "YES" if you can do exactly same thing to whom you are willing to do.

Its not easy to make Japanese friends, I live in Japan and its really hard, they want to be friends at first/short-term and after a year or some months they stop responding/contact. I have had this happen several times, and at the moment I have only 1 Japanese friend who has still kept in contact/hang-out with once in a while with me. But as far as having a Japanese friend who will really be a friend you can depend on and who will be long-term that is really hard to find for a foreigner in Japan.

I agree with the person above. Seems it's difficult to make a genuine friend in Japan. Could be like the situation above or either they just want to practice their English.

I am a foreigner, non-native english speaker, I lived in Tokyo for more than 4 years and ALL my friends are foreigners. Yes, all of them. I know some Japanese people but I do not see them as friends and I don't think they see me as a friend. I'm sorry to sound rude but looking for Japanese friends in really a waste of time.

I met other foreigners who have same opinions on that subject. I only hang out with foreigners, it looks sad or biased to move so far abroad to only hang out with other foreigners but I like people who speak frankly, have opinion, have something to say.

People you meet and you thought were your friends always seem to be busy, really busy when you contact them but you always find out they went out with some of their Japanese friends. Even those you know for months or even worst: for years. Well, they always seem to have time to hang out with their Japanese friends, go to the cinema, at some expo with other Japanese. I had the feeling that most people I met only wanted to improve their French language.

Some Japanese I know have never had a drink with me. You always phone or send emails, they never do. OK, I see...

I like to talk about a lot of things but people here always seem to have no opinion about anything. I got tired talking about the weather. Completely bored. I stopped giving my email or phone number to Japanese people I meet. I just say I have no cellphone. I know, sometimes it may sound rude.

There a lot of interesting foreigners from all over the world living in Japan, some are funny, passionate, I learned a lot while living here, my English is much better (I mean better than before not native or perfectcok?).
I have no regrets hanging out only with other foreigners.

Few years ago, I was always thinking there was something wrong with me or I may have done something wrong said something wrong so people don't call or don't send email, but I finally understood it wasn't about me. Japanese like to hang out with Japanese and I am OK with that.

It's not easy to make Japanese friends in Japan, for anybody, this includes Japanese people. The thing about most (not all) Japanese people is that due to the social pressures and norms of Japan, they never really open themselves up to anybody. You can be 'friends' with a person for 10 years and then all of a sudden they will cut you out of their lives. This is just the way it is.

From what I've experienced, the only people Japanese tend to really be friends with are people they have known since Elementary school or at latest JHS, and even then, this is a limited number.

There's nothing wrong with trying to make friends there, but if you're a person who gets too emotionally attached, you're probably going to end up getting hurt.

Thanks for your replies. Indeed, it seems that there's a special way of thinking in Japan .....

I'll maybe sound rude, but: all of you, who couldn't make true friendships, do you speak to Japanese people in English, or Japanese?

As the Japanese seem to be uncomfortable with English, maybe they were tired to speak English with you and just gave up.

It doesn't matter if you speak Japanese or English. Yes, Japanese makes it easier, but the point is Japanese people just aren't good at opening themselves up to anybody apart from a few childhood friends and possibly siblings. My Japanese wife of 15 years is sometimes an enigma to me, and she's totally different when she meets up with friends from her home town. I only learned last year that she won a prefectural badminton competition at JHS because one of her friends told me.

Because Japanese people live by strict social rules and hierarchies, they will smile and be friendly with anybody, but will cut people they truly don't like off in an instant. My wife's College room-mate did this to her, and they lived together and did everything together for 3 years.

I can not but agree with Hmm partly.
I had heard some gaijins (Chinese or Korean) said "Japanese are polite superficially but remote to me".
But as a Japanese, I can say it's even for Japanese not only for gaijins.
I think it's related to Japanese culture that prefer to express indirectly and euphemistically. It has affected not only way of speaking, but also way of thinking.
This never mean to be closed, they are friendly, but maybe sometimes you feel something like barrier especially when you want to talk about private matter.

So maybe Japanese who speak English are more easier to make friends, I think? Because they stand under the different culture then.

"Because Japanese people live by strict social rules and hierarchies, they will smile and be friendly with anybody, but will cut people they truly don't like off in an instant. My wife's College room-mate did this to her, and they lived together and did everything together for 3 years"

The Japanese aren't the only ones to do that...I lived with a bunch of guys in college then later with another bunch of guys in the army (I was born in Europe so going to the army was compulsory then for all fit young men.We weren't paid..likely to compensate for the free schooling we got from grade one to graduating from college or ..)

In both places we were close to one another as we were together 24 hrs a day--in big dorms--and weren't allowed to leave the school or the army base during the week ..

I still remember some faces but not names.. we didn't keep in touch.

I recently retired after working 30 years in the same place. Except for 2 persons, I have no interest in all the other people I worked with. They were all OK but work was the only thing we really had in common.

I have been living with a Japanese for years, by the way, and have shared a lot about our youth, schooling, work and travels, even love affairs we had, before we met..

I no longer live in my birth country and mostly avoid people from that country...The few friends I have (I don't need to know a crowd of acquaintances) that were born in my adopted country are all people that have lived abroad for awhile.

@ajapaneseboy:

do you feel like there's a lack of friendship and a lack of trust in the japanese society?

Personnally, I come from a country (France) where people are very "frank" (no play-on-words, haha), and use to say what they feel, excepted in some extreme situations.
And, it's hard for me to imagine a society where nothing is said, where feelings are not showed.

I think that you never can become friend with someone if you don't tell him your thoughts..

I am from Belgium and we also like to be frank like our French neighbor :)
But you must adapt, this is Japan and not EU, US or whatever country you came from.
Just accept that people donft want to be friend with you.

My Japanese GF is 35years old lives in Tokyo and has no friends only acquaintances from work, club activities but she go often eat, drink with them, so the problem is not only for GAIJINS but also for Japanese.
By the way what is the meaning of friendship in Japan?

So yes it is easy to make friends in Japan but difficult to make real friends

like ajapaneseboy said gJapanese culture prefer to express indirectly and euphemisticallyh

On the one hand Japanese people are not good at expressing their feeling, but on the other hand Japanese victims of disaster preserve their calm.
Each merit has its demerit, I never think that means a lack of trust in the japanese society though.

Japanese girls often complain about boys who
rarely say "I love you", so girls love passionate gaijins. Umm...
And Japanese often say Kyoto-jin are too polite superficially and Tokyo-jin are too businesslike but Osaka-jin are too familiar.
Maybe to visit Osaka to make friends is good idea, I think?

Joking aside, I think it's serious problem that many foreigners feel alienated in Japanese society.
But it's not only for foreigners and it never mean that your Japanese "friends" dislike you. I wish that understanding this is good for something.

@ajapaneseboy:

Sure, I agree. And, by the way, I've found some Japanese friends on this website and we have talked a lot by mail and Skype, and we really trust each other. I can't say if their behaviour is "exception" or it's the average Japanese behaviour, but I'm really close to them.

However people who register on those penpal websites ARE interested in making gaijin friends, certainly..
What I'm wondering about, is the whole population of Japan