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Should I call him Oniisan? 2014/1/19 04:33
I had a weird kind of query?
It's that I befriended a j-guy.We were pen pals and had lot of common interests.I am very much interested in Japan so I used to discuss about everything with him like economics,politics etc.

Initially we had many skype conversations also.He used to say that I look cute and he enjoy having conversation with me.But whenever he used to say such things I often used to change the subject (I am little shy and hence didn't know how to respond to such comments)(I wanted a j-friend so as to keep me updated with all the stuffs going there and I was happy that my friend was smart and I had intelligent discussions with him.I mailed him twice or thrice in month coz we both were busy with our studies)
But once on his birthday I msgd him in his phone.I forgot the time difference and I guess it may have reached there midnight.

After that incident he has started remaining aloof.(I don't know why he is acting so cold.Maybe,he thinks I have feelings for him. Btw he already has a gf)
I don't have any feelings for him.It was just a mistake that I messaged him so late at night.I just want to clarify things with him and tell him .But I don't know how to give him the indication that I have no feelings for him.
Should I address him as Oniisan?But would he feel offended if I do so?

Though we rarely talk now yet I want to get all the things sorted.I know many of you might think that it doesn't matter what other person think about us.But I am a very sensitive girl .
He hasn't deleted me from his skype list but don't talk to me even when he is online .

It's not that I am very much eager to get him back as my friend but I need to know what the actual matter is?Why is he acting cold?Is it because of that message?If yes,I just want to brush aside all his doubts and tell him I have no feelings for him.
Please help me
by confused! (guest)  

Re: Should I call him Oniisan? 2014/1/19 12:55
Well, if he doesn't get back to you as he did before, there isn't much you can do.

Maybe it's not that he suspects you have feelings for him, but maybe his girlfriend didn't like it that he received a message so late at night from another girl... if it's her who didn't like it, you shouldn't be complicating things by trying to explain further. Changing the way you call him wouldn't really help either...

Maybe he liked that fact that he had a cute Skype friend, but now that the girlfriend knows (though mutually no feelings), he might not feel like doing much talking any more.

If you feel you must do something, I would just write to say hi, and add some simple comments like sorry that you messaged so late at night Japan time, forgot that it was the mobile address.
by ... (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Should I call him Oniisan? 2014/1/19 16:56
Although I think the girlfriend seeing your message as it came is quite plausible, we can only speculate on what happened. You'll just have to talk to him and ask him yourself. I'd say with the current situation, definitely don't call him oniisan unless you ask him if he's okay with it beforehand.
by CherryLemonLime rate this post as useful

Re: Should I call him Oniisan? 2014/1/19 19:18
I agree that calling him oniisan most likely won't make any difference, and would be odd anyway, girls don't usually call guys they think of as friends oniisan!
by onom (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Should I call him Oniisan? 2014/1/19 21:19
I disagree with you to call him Oniisan. If you and the Jguy are 15 or 20 years age difference, that's fine, but while both of you are students, closer age,, it sounds strange.

The birthday message sent by the date or late shouldn't be the matter, it happens always. That's the normal circumstances.

All things can be consider while he is busy on his studies, need to make decision on his intention of studies or work etc. I don't think you have made any wrong things.

I think you should keep good relationship with him. Send a text once per month or every two month. That should be enough. He will eventually communicate back to you.
by tokyo friend 48 rate this post as useful

Re: Should I call him Oniisan? 2014/1/19 22:32
Thanks for all your responses.Actually, I forgot to mention that this incident had a happened a year ago.After that I had apologised to him for messaging late at night but he didn't respond.After that I have stopped mailing him because I thought it would complicate things.As I am very sensitive so I just couldn't take this burden and always wished to cast all his doubts clear. :( :(
But this year when during new year and his birthday I wished him via skype,he didn't respond.
Maybe, some things just can never be mended.So, now I have decided that I myself will delete his name from my contact list because whenever I see him online I get reminded of my mistake .So,even his virtual presence makes me uneasy. :(

I have read a lot about politeness of japanese people.Maybe, because of that he doesn't delete me.

I posted in this forum because for the last one year I always used to feel suffocated.I had never ever spoke about this with any of my close friends.I am very shy and hence have stifled my emotions. But this guilt was agonizing me so much that it was hard for me to concentrate on my studies.

I am happy that I've discussed everything in this forum and now I am feeling better.

I hope if he ever accidentally bumps to this forum he could understand that I am not a bad girl and never ever had any feelings for him.

With a heavy heart I want to bid Sayonara to xxxxxxxx a.k.a oniisan :'(
by confused! (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Should I call him Oniisan? 2014/1/19 23:14
I agree with tokyo friend 48. But I have a concern in your post. you have discussed about politics and economics. even among Japanese, we do not discuss about these subjects so frankly. these kinds of discussion may sometimes destroy their friendships irreversibly. to prevent the complete destruction of the relationship, Japanese show no answer, ignore you, and stop to communicate.
by ken (guest) rate this post as useful

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