Can you overdo adapting to customs?

Good evening everyone,
I apologize in advance for my question may sound weird or even impolite, what I don't intend.

A friend of mine was studying Japanese and she went to Japan for half a year. Of course, I asked her a lot of questions about life in Japan, culture, music, shopping, customs, and last, but not least, Do's and Dont's.

Her answer was like "being a foreigner, you can make as much mistakes as you want, you will never be criticized and people will be polite to you."
From what I've heard about how most Japanese are acting in public, this may be true.
But when you are going to a foreign country, I think it's a sign of respect that I adapt to the rules I know. I'd like the other people not to see me as an intruder but as an person who wants to learn a new language and who is interested in a foreign culture etc, and who is grateful for being given this experience. I don't want other people to feel uncomfortable when I am around and I'd like to be conducive to a good atmosphere.
When I told my friend about that, she said that it may appear weird, if I behaved too "correctly". I don't really know what she meant by that and now I wonder: Can you really "overdo" adapting to Japanese customs and be impolite by doing so? And are there things Japanese people should do in Japan, but foreigners shouldn't?

I'd be grateful for some help!
Best,
Kateyu :)

Her answer was like "being a foreigner, you can make as much mistakes as you want, you will never be criticized and people will be polite to you."

That is a very bad attitude. People usually do not show it openly, but they often get annoyed by misbehaving foreigners, especially those that block the flow of traffic in public spaces or those talking in an annoyingly loud voice in trains.

You are very unlikely to appear impolite by trying to follow customs. But more likely, you will get stressed out by it yourself.

I recommend to read about manners and try to follow them, but don't become overly conscious about them. Some travelers are so nervous about behaving correctly that they don't seem to fully enjoy their stays.

I assume your will be visiting Japan as a tourist.

What Uji has said is correct.

There are only some general rules in Japan - but others may disagree with them.

1) Put your cell phone on silent and don't talk on the phone on trains.

2) Speak quietly on the train

3) Don't block the passage of other people - but this is the same in many countries.

4) Don't be overly loud all the time. Japanese people can be loud and annoying too - but most people try and be respectful of other people.

Most Japanese people will either leave you alone or will be happy to have you in the country. They know that you will make some specific faux pas and most of the time won't take any offence.

Do note that people outside of the main cities are quite different than in the country. People in the cities can be warm, but people out in the country are so much different than people people in the cities. So to put it simple - try and also get off the beaten path into the countryside if possible.

I hope this helps....

Just because one is a foriegn to the land, doesn't mean they can behave recklessly. I don't think your way of thinking is too wierd, but very considerate to other people customs and culture. Japanese people are polite, they will not say directly that someone is rude or so. Don't be afraid to make mistakes and learn from it. But don't use the foriegn excuse to behave recklessly ;)

Being polite is different from what they are thinking inside.
Just be yourself except as said above. Otherwise you will act comical without thoroughly knowing TPO(time, place & object) of the custom/manner.

I find the Japanese people very reserved when expressing dissatisfaction and may only cover their mouth in dismay when something outright wrong has been done. They avoid confrontation and will never (speaking generally) approach you with it. What they're thinking of you is obviously something you'll never know and is usually not outwardly expressed.

That said, they do understand you can't know everything about the local customs and when I've committed a minor faux pas, I've never been scolded. I either immediately realize my mistake or soon later, and that is when they motion that it's "okay".

The old adage, "When in Rome" fits. Just follow what they do and you'll be fine. One difficult one for me to remember was to stand on the left in the escalator and walk on the right. That's when in Tokyo. In Osaka it's the opposite. But if you follow the person in front of you, you'll be fine. It's when no on is in front of you that you can forget where in Japan you are. But that's such a minor thing, especially if the escalator is empty, meaning it's not rush hour.

Well, maybe the OP's friend was just trying to say, "take it easy," because seeking perfection in everyday life usually doesn't lead to anything good.

The friend's quote about being "too correct" reminds me of the classic comedy plot: People from two different cultures meet. They both want to respect the other culture, so they both decide to do as the other party does. One accidentally drops a fork, so the other does the same. Then the first person deliberately drops another fork just to be "polite."

Joking aside, I as a local in Japan remember that, more than once, I was waiting for a non-Japanese friend until I finally got worried and went outside to look for him/her, and realized he/she was waiting outside since he/she thought it was the polite way. I think things like that can happen when you try to be "too correct."

All in all, while I do agree that it's important to try to adapt, rather than to fear a few mistakes you might make, it's often better to try everything and learn from your mistakes.

are there things Japanese people should do in Japan, but foreigners shouldn't?

I can't think of any.

Exactly, just be polite and use common sense. The locals really don't expect you (as a tourist) to know all the japanese customs and follow them. Even if you did something "wrong", it's not the end of the world.

I just get the feeling that many people here worry too much. Asking questions like whether it's ok to wear shorts or sandals in the summer, I mean come on!

Well maybe people worry too much because when you have different (and less) rules in your country it's so easy to behave rudely or inappropriately without meaning to!
Shorts might seem obviously ok to you, but I went to a formal dinner with a sleveless dress (otherwise classy and not provocative at all, the sort of thing that in Europe I would have worn to a wedding) and ended up roasting hot but keeping my cardigan on, since my boyfriend suggested i shouldn't show so much skin.
I'm not complaining, just saying that I perfectly understand why people worry, especially if they care to make a good impression to the people they are with.

As for the OP question, I have just been in Japan to visit, and really tried hard to follow all the rules I knew of, and to avoid mistakes, and I think I did quite well! ;)
The one I don't even try to do because I feel it would be "trying too hard" on my part, is bowing. It's too complex for my understanding (the when, to whom, how deep, how many times), and I think I would just be clumsy.
Trying to avoid things that would come cross as wrong (e.g. walking in with my shoes), and doing things that are very unnatural to me (e.g. bowing), are quite different things... I definitely stick to the first one, but maybe always trying to act as if I were Japanese would be a bit weird?

*sighs* the earlier question from a poster was about wearing shorts as a tourist on his trip.
Don't talk like I just recommended him to wear shorts and sneakers to a formal dinner/wedding.

I say it again, while there's nothing wrong in adapting to customs (when you can) you probably are trying too hard when you worry about it.

Of course I knew that's not what you meant! I just wanted to say that sometimes things that are obvious for one part are not at all for the other.
In case of the shorts, everybody happily agrees that they are ok - but in case of a formal dress, I also thought my dress was obviously ok, and it wasn't!
Therefore, people ask, sometimes silly questions, because it's better to ask it and be considered silly, than assuming things are obvious and then they are not! :)

My personal feeling as an european in Japan, is that while in Europe am I quite sure I come across as well educated and well mannered, in Japan i am constantly at risk of making un unexpected mistake, coming across as rude or poorly mannered. So I end up using a lot of my energy to study the surroundings trying to understand what's expected of me in each situation... It's quite tiring... Maybe it's trying to hard but I still think it's better than being looked at as a child who still doesn't know how to behave. ;)

Being polite is different from what they are thinking inside.
Just be yourself except as said above. Otherwise you will act comical without thoroughly knowing TPO(time, place & object) of the custom/manner.

Hello :)

thank you for your answers. I agree that trying to be "too polite" or to adapt too much can appear comical.

But when I go to Japan, I'll be there as an exchange student. So I'll get in contact with many Japanese people at the university, in my host family or in my hostel, etc.

And this is why I wonder how much my behaviour can differ from what is "normal" in Japan without making me appear rude. In other words, how much difference is in fact tolerated? Of course, no one would show me frankly that I am getting on his or her nerves, but there are people I'll meet more than once, and apart from that, I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable when I am around.

The "complexity" of the rules that exist in Japan is quite difficult for foreigners, I think. The problem already starts with bowing. Am I expected to do it, and if I am, in which situations and how (long, deep, often...)?

I'd make a complete fool of myself if I made it wrong, but deciding not to bow could make me appear rude.

Then, as some of you mentioned, there is also another dresscode. And so many other things... I remember being invited for dinner by a Japanese friend of mine (his mom cooked) and I started to eat curry-rice with my chopstick just like the salad before, until I was told that this is a dish you do NOT eat with chopsticks. Omg, this was so embarassing and I'm so glad that this happened to me in Germany, not in Japan.

And I really want to avoid this kind of "accidents" when I'm having my exchange year.

In general, there are so many differences between the Japanese and the German culture and I don't think someone who didn't grow up with it can never fully understand it and therefore, making no mistakes at all can't be possibly expected.

But there's a difference between making little, "forgiveable" mistakes concerning things foreign people just cannot know unless they spent some time in Japan, and mistakes like walking into a house with your shoes on.

In Germany, there are books about Do's and Don'ts or manners in general maybe you've heard of "Knigge"), but I didn't find anything comparable about Japan.

So this is why I am concerned and maybe I'm overly concerned, but in Japan I've got the chance to meet someone I've known for a long time and with whom I'm now in contact again, and I really don't want to make a fool of myself - neither in everyday life, nor if he's around (if it works out).

I ticked off an older lady when I was there last year simply by offering her my seat on a hot day. We had a good laugh after it because when I saw her get on the train in Tokyo, I jumped out of my seat immediately and motioned for her to sit. She frowned and shook her head, motioning for me to sit back down. I, however, am Canadian and stubborn, so I kept motioning for her to sit. She, being Japanese and older, was also incredibly stubborn, and did the same.

Two stops later, she finally smiled and sat, then asked me in perfect english "Where are you from?". I replied "Kanada-jin", and she burst into this HUGE smile and said "Oh yes. I understand."

TL:DR - Be polite to everyone, everywhere, no matter what. It's always appreciated, even if it doesn't seem that way at first.

KeepingKateyu: Relax!! You're bound to make mistakes because Japan isn't the culture that you grew up in.the Japanese people understand this and are very accommodating to foreigners, whom they consider guests in their country.

As long as you use common sense and are respectful of the people around you (big hint: watch what Japanese people do and follow their lead - well, unless they're drunk at the time), you should be okay. If you do research a bit about Japanese culture and customs before going, many people will be impressed with your knowledge and politeness, but it isn't expected. In fact, some of my friends seemed disappointed when I didn't make common foreigner mistakes after living in the country for a while.

That being said, your embarrassment over eating curry with chopsticks and not a spoon is a little silly. If you've never eaten it before, how are you supposed to know. Plus, if you act embarrassed you might even make things awkward with your hosts by taking things too seriously, leaving them with the impression that they were rude in educating you in the first place. (^_^;

Thank you :)

Yes, that's what I thought. Therefore, I just apologized and tried not to show how embarassed I was, but on the inside, I was longing for a hole in the ground (especially because my friend seemed to be surprised in a negative way like "why the hell doesn't she know about that". His mother reacted really nice and friendly though). It would have been impolite, I think, exactly for the reason you mentioned.
Of course, I don't expect from myself to behave perfectly and to know everything, but I don't want to stand out in a negative way, for I'll spend one whole year there.
I've already informed myself and I know some common Do's and Dont's, but I'm afraid of insulting or annoying others without noticing it.

The story with the old woman sounds really nice. :)