Discretion needed for women couple?

I am just wondering if we need to be discrete while we are in Japan? We have 7 days in the country and planning to spend them in Tokyo and Osaka.

Exactly how conservative is the society with regards to homosexuality? Do we need to pretend we are 'just friends' or can we more as a couple in public, say like holding hands, a cuddle or a peck on the cheek?

I'm curious as I don't want to upset people and would certainly like to respect the culture and social norms of the country. And secondly, my girlfriend is a rather open, affectionate people who does like to do these things.

Japan isn't big on PDA no matter the couple. Obviously this is a generality, so you will certainly see some while you are here, but it is almost exclusively young couples in certain areas/situations, or often tourists themselves. If you are interested in fitting in so to speak, I would recommend keeping the PDA to a minimum. Of course holding hands is okay, but beyond that people usually don't kiss or make out at all in public.

At the same time, you're tourists, so the social norms don't necessarily apply to you. No one is going to call you out on it!

(Public Display of Affection: PDA)

homosexual is acceptable in Japan but they are very conservative about PDA. When I visited Japan, I never see any Japanese couple kissing in public except holding hand. So keep it in minimum and you can kiss in private place or save it at hotel. Holding hand and cuddling are considered acceptable in public.

Okay, so we need to tone it down by a lot when we are in public. Not going to make her happy but I guess it's better not to stir the boat when we're there.

Btw, it is kinda odd how the society frowns on public affection even between hetero couples considering the things you hear going on in bars and clubs in Japan. I get the impression people keep their freak on to themselves or in places where they can't be seen. Such separation can't possibly be healthy.

That's just the way Japanese society is. If your girlfriend can't respect that nobody (regardless of sexual preference) shows affection publicly then that's her problem. You should read more about Japanese culture before you go. People are respectful, guard their personal feelings and aren't the type to be outspoken and attention-seeking. Don't let yourselves be the inappropriate and annoying foreigners.

I agree with dixon. Not every culture around the world has the same customs yours does - that doesn't make it "unhealthy."

And I don't know what things you "hear about going on in bars and clubs" - it sounds like you're not only being judgmental, but are basing your judgment on rather sensationalistic sources of information.

When I go to bars and clubs I encounter well-made cocktails, carefully chosen wines and skillful, cutting-edge DJs.

Repression isn't good for anyone, take it from me.

My source came from a guy who worked in Japan for a year. He visited a strip club where he managed to get a handjob and simulated sex with a stripper. He called Tokyo's red light district, every guy's wet dream. In which case, it isn't any different from the scene here in LA. Just done differently.

If I have the time, I'll read up on Japanese etiquette but the trip is less than 2 weeks away and I haven't even bought tickets yet. I will just have to look around on the internet for my info and see how people are, before deciding how and where to behave the way I like.

Btw, I am not sure if I should start another question thread with this? But if women have tattoos are they allowed to go to baths in those Japanese inns? If not, is there an alternative?

PDA is frowned on in pretty much the whole non-westernised world.

Guess you might have to get off your high horse and stop calling them all repressed.

@Welles

I'm not sure that what goes on inside strip clubs has anything to do with what goes on in public, but just to repeat what others have already told you, PDA is not a common sight in Japan, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Young women (friends) casually holding hands is more common than it is in the west, so that is one advantage you have.

People with tattoos are generally not allowed to use public baths. If you have tattoos, you should try and find a room with a private bath or a ryokan that lets you reserve the bath for private use.

Weird that you asked specifically if women with tatts are allowed. Women, men, gay, straight, the answer is the same.

And I agree with the poster who said it's not right to call other cultures repressed just because everything's not on display like it would be in LA. Some seedy strip club in Tokyo is the exception to the norm. It'll be challenging, but be unassuming, humble, polite and don't be the stereotypical American tourist. No talking on trains, no "do you speak English?" like you feel everyone should speak 'your' language instead of you attempting a few Japanese phrases, no eating while you walk, etc.

Depending on how big your tattoo(s) are, you could cover them with a plaster.

A couple of years ago, I saw two foreign women kissing for a very very long time in the middle of Hachiko square in Shibuya, and no one seemed to care. But it was the only time I saw any person of any kind kissing in Hachiko, or kissing as long as that in public in Japan.

If you tell someone in Japan that you're a gay couple, that someone would probably be amused, but would most likely just think that you're another nice foreign tourist with different values that mean no harm to this country since you're just passing by. And if you're lucky, that someone may turn out to be a gay her/himself.

So.. you want to respect the culture of your host country..and

" Do what you like"...

So which way do you want it ?

The Japanese are reserved as you now know and PDA's are uncool. Be disreat, and keep a lid on it. And this this talk of HJ's shows where your at. Militant.

Not to late to change your travel plans.

Holland is nice this time of year. Try it !
And smooch away !!

Take your private agenda elsewhere.

Cheers everyone.

I googled and read some articles and it seems there is a lot of contradicting information out there on tattoos in public baths. Some say it is okay, others a complete no-no. And then there are others who say just ask the inn itself.

I am just going to check with the inn management if it is okay at all and if not, hopefully there is a private bath in the room. I don't know yet, I am booking my holiday through a travel agent and they are doing all the arrangements for me.

The only other thing is, are the rules and same for a private bath as well? Do we just use it for soaking or there is no need to wash off first before entering? This was not so clear when I checked out the info.

As with all things, I am hoping what is said about being discrete in the public realm is really an exaggeration. Of course, we will tone it down in public if it is deemed to be outrageous but we won't be unconsciously trying hard to keep it straight. It's a holiday, we want to relax and be spontaneous.

Our experience in Hong Kong was similar, the only other Asian country we've been to. Told to keep it discrete and away from the public very much the same thing in Japan.

But we had a great time and people didn't seem to care we were holding hands, publicly kissing or snuggling. People were more engrossed in their devices, I would say. I think they just look, see something and move on.

And we saw quite a lot of people in the fashion industry who are gay or lesbian and pretty open about it no different to what we encountered anywhere.

Read carefully - no one cares whether you're gay or not. No one's asking you to be straight, as your posts seem to infer.

It's just that Japan is one of the many, many, countries where people don't tend to kiss, cuddle, drape themselves around their partners in public.

You asked. You got an answer.

"As with all things, I am hoping what is said about being discrete in the public realm is really an exaggeration. "

Obviously, you, who have never lived in or even been to Japan, know better than those of us who are living here and know the culture well. Why ask if you're going to ignore the answer?

My girl Welles says there was a raving guy on this thread but I guess the earlier postings were deleted by the moderator. So I'm not sure what exactly went on here but whatever was said, I believe people got a little upset with us.

I'm quite sure things will turn out fine on our trip.

So far from what I've read, the advice given makes sense but in the end, we would like to make the judgment ourselves.

After all, it really is up to us to decide or in this case, I am usually the one doing all the stuff so it really is about me. I don't think a few stares are doing any harm.

It's not really up to you.

Unless, that is, you think it's OK for you to behave like you're in your home country.

Many people would think that it's best to show some respect to the culture of the country that you're visiting.

No one is concerned by people sunbathing in a park in London. However, that doesn't mean that it wouldn't give offence in Riyadh.