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For Japan - they have a different view of sexuality in general. For us in western cultures, we have the taboo of sex being dirty or for procreation due to our judeo/christian values. North asia is very different and has a emphasis on sex being a human need like drinking or breathing - thus reducing the stigma related to it.
As such - many Japanese have the 'if it doesn't hurt me then what you do in your private time is that - private and does not affect me". Due to this - it's much harder to find the LGBT community as they don't say 'here I am' as it's just seen as another part of a person's individuality.
That does not mean that there are not problems - but this may be around family which is the same the world over.
Although I can tell you trying to be helpful, you really don't seem to be very familiar with LGBT issues in Japan, and I would say that in many cases the opposite of some of the things you have said are more accurate. I will try to keep it as short as possible, but I think it could cause problems if the OP accepts what you have said.
What you have said about Asian society's views on sexuality is a massive simplification. Japanese society has been heavily influenced by Buddhism, of which the core teachings state that attachment to desires such as sex are the root of suffering, and Confucianism, which places heavy importance in family and order in society. I'm not an academic who has conducted research into this, so I'm not going to make concrete claims about this, but it's inaccurate to say that homosexuality had not been stigmatized in Japan, and there are many, and different problems that LGBT people in Japan face compared to LGBT people on western countries, and not just around family, as many Japanese LGBT people hide their sexuality from their family.
I've seen several surveys that show LGBT acceptance in Japan being lower compared to the west. I tried looking for one as an example, and it found that 54% of the Japanese people questioned felt that society should accept homosexuality, which drops to 38% for people over 50. I think the fact that this rate is lower compared to many western countries (although very high compared to the rest of Asia), and there is a generational difference, suggesting changing attitudes, contradicts what you said about people's sexuality being considered something private that doesn't affect other people.
One claim that many people who have written about LGBT issues in Japan have made, which many of the the Japanese LGBT I've met have agreed with, it's that their sexuality is tolerated as long as it's kept private. For this reason, many LGBT in major urban areas socialise with other LGBT people discreetly. Personally I would say the OP hasn't made any inaccurate assumptions about LGBT in Japan. In Tokyo and Osaka, there are a number of Lesbian bars, and I have personally met a number of Lesbian that have several Lesbian friends and go to lesbian events in order to find a partner. It's very easy to find the LGBT community, as long as you're in a major urban area and know where to find them.
I can't speak for Lesbians, and although it's not going to be particularly relevant to the OP, I feel that I should address the claims you made about Japanese people seeing their sexuality as just one part of their individuality. I would say that for gay men, it's far more likely that a western man would see his sexuality as a minor part of their identity, whereas for Japanese gay men, they're more likely to hide their sexuality outside of the gay scene due to social pressure, which I personally believe has led to there being an identity many consider inseparable from a gay man's sexuality. There is a stereotype amongst gay men known as Ikanimo, which describes someone who you can immediately tell is gay due to their dress and appearance, which is generally bearded, muscular or chubby, and wearing brands popular amongst gay men, such as Abercombrie and Fitch. Men who don't match this image are called nonkeppoi, meaning like a heterosexual. It's important to note that this is a stereotype defined by gay men, and is something that's generally celebrated as a unique part of gay culture, whereas in countries where gay men are more accepted, stereotype are generally considered inaccurate and harmful. I personally believe that Ikanimo developed out of people within a small scene that's often closed off from the rest of society influencing people's fashion and appearance, and as a way to discreetly express and communicate ones sexuality. Gay men in Western countries generally feel that they can be more open, so many are not influenced heavily by a one single clubbing scene, or feel the need to express their sexuality in a way that most people are oblivious to. I don't believe there is a lesbian equivalent though.
The only reason I went on this tangent is we often box things in the west as the same everywhere. I kind of see sexuality in Japan the same as the Japanese number system - it makes sense but it's just different than what we are used to in the west.
Personally, I would say most of the Japanese LGBT people I have met don't view their own sexuality in a wildly different way to most western LGBT people, but many do however feel that they can't be as open about it, and in the case of gay men, they do have certain fashions and trends that are considered unique to the gay scene. There are people who engage in gay sex, but don't consider themselves to be gay, or even bisexual, and are often married, but this is nothing unique to Japan. There have been plenty of LGBT in the west doing this, and there are still plenty now, despite the increase in acceptability. From my experience with meeting Japanese LGBT, I would say that they main difference between the LGBT scene in Japan and western countries is that it's much less open in Japan, and is probably comparable to how it was in the west 30 years ago or more, and that people in Japan who are not accepting basically pretend that the LGBT scene doesn't exist as long as they don't encounter it. People are slowly becoming more accepting, and things are likely to change just as all society's do, but many people would say this is generally the case.
People may ask if you are married in Japan - but it's the same as asking how old you are or where you are from. It's just a conversation starter. As such - I would possibly frown away as seeing it as 'a right' not to be asked if you have a boyfriend.
Sorry, but this is basically the standard "Japan is not America" answer that many people give, which doesn't offer any helpful advice. It's quite easy to understand why the OP could get frustrated by this. Sure, it is just used as small talk, and intended as a harmless question, but answering any follow-up questions honestly could be seen as being too brash. My advice to the OP, is that many Lesbians or gay people would answer such questions by saying "Iie, sonnani kyoumi ga arimasen", which means no, I don't really have much of an interest. Although being very frank about your sexuality isn't always accepted, speaking about it in such an ambiguous way is generally fine, and anyone who would have a problem with you being a lesbian would generally prefer to remain ignorant about what you're trying to tell then.
@OP. As others have mentioned, it's going to be difficult for you to meet many Japanese LGBT people if you can't speak and write in Japanese. Stonewall Japan does seem to be a good resource for English speakers, but it seems to be almost entirely foreign. If you want to meet Japanese people, that will probably be difficult to do until you arrive in Japan. There are a number of community sites that have female contributors, such as 2chopo.com, and a number of Lesbian that are active in the community on Twitter, but if you're looking for friends, contacting people randomly on there may not be very effective, even if you can communicate in Japanese. There are also a few lesbian-only SNS services, but they are generally for dating.
My advice to you would be to spend the next year learning, or improving your Japanese if you don't already intend to, and then looking for lesbian bars or circles once you have arrived. There are English showing resources, but I don't know how likely you are to form a friendship with a Japanese person through a service intended for foreigners.
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