Re-marriage/child from previous girlfriend

Hi folks,

I have read posts about similar situations but it seems my situation has a slightly different twist.
Any experience or information anyone has would be greatly appreciated.

I am married to a Japanese woman and have only been so for about a year. We were dating off and on for about 4 years before the marriage.

Recently I have been contacted by a previous girlfriend (Japanese National in Japan) from before I got married to find out that I have a 15 month old daughter with her.
She explains that she didn't mention the pregnancy to me because she knew that I was to get back with my GF (current wife) and we were talking about marriage so she didn't want to be a burden on us and says she wanted me to be happy with her.
However, recently she felt it necessary to let me know but says she is happy to be a single mother and doesn't require anything of me if I am not ready or willing.

So like the dumbass that I am, I informed my wife of this.
I wanted to be honest about it but maybe I should have refrained... Anyway that's a moral debate and I'm just looking for concrete legal and immigration advice.
So, understandably my wife was livid... She now is talking about divorce and I am wondering about my options if that becomes a reality.

So my predicament is this:
- I've lived in Japan for about 5 years and don't qualify for PR yet.
- I am a freelance worker (not in teaching or in one big company) so work visa sponsorship seems unlikely.
- My career seems to be budding well and my life is here in Japan so it would be much more than a minor inconvenience to have to leave.
- With this knowledge of a new daughter, I would really like to stick around, help raise her, and see her grow up... Be her father, you know?
...Regardless of whether I am married to her mother or not.

If I were to get divorced so soon I fear immigration will have many questions for me. ...of course I can explain this to them but wonder if I should??
I would prefer to go through with my divorce and stay on the teijusha (long term resident visa) to go about my life and also be a part of my daughter's life but if that falls through or is not an option, I suppose marrying the mother of my child would do, correct?
I mean doing so would probably be a good option for our daughter but on the brink of a divorce I just really have a hard time thinking about rushing into another marriage just because of visa issues.

So my questions I guess would be:
- Does anyone have a similar experience with the teijusha visa and do you think my case would qualify?

...and

If I were to take the "marry the mother of my daughter" route, would I have enough time to go through all the kuyakusho, embassy, and immigration paperwork before I got the boot from Japan for not having a VISA??

I realize I need a proof of eligibility to marry form from the Canadian embassy to get married but can I get that after a recent divorce if I show my divorce documents to the embassy??
If so, I'm sure a re-marriage and proof of my child being my child would suffice for a new spousal visa.

But in the case of a teijusha visa... I wonder what I would need to produce.
Proof of my daughter being my daughter?

I'm really sorry for such a long post and complicated issue but I am kind of stuck as of what to do here.
Any experience with this sort of thing or advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Thanks for your time!!

As far as I can see, a feasible course of action would be to (excuse me for bringing this up) get a DNA test to establish that she is your daughter, ask what your ex-girlfriend wants you to do concerning the child, and if she says she wants you to, and if you want to, go through the process of "recognizing" the daughter as yours. (Since legally you don't have anything to do with the child/custody of the child at all...)

The above would be regardless of whether you get divorced or not, since it's in the open with your current wife that allegedly you have a child elsewhere.


If your wife files for, or she suggests and you agree to a divorce (you got married under the Japanese law, right?) and it goes through, you have a short time to do something about your resident status. How long is your current spouse resident status anyway?

- "Teijusha" would be possible if you can show that you need to stay in Japan to support your underage child. The complication here is that the child (provided she is yours) is not from the marriage. You say you have been in Japan for 5 years? That just "might" or might not be long enough to say that you have established your living here that you'd have difficulty back home.

- Marrying your ex-girlfriend will solve the resident status issue, but is that what you want to do, and is that what your ex wants you to do?


In any case, divorcing after a year, then recognizing a child from another woman, and then applying for long-term resident because of the child or getting re-married and applying for spouse visa, sounds like a complicated story, so I think you'd need to just be ready to tell the truth to immigration authorities.


And now, you sound quite casual about your possible divorce - do you want to stay with your wife (provided she agrees), or do you want your life with your ex-gf? That's another big question which you'd need to think about. I hope you won't think about marriage(s) in terms of resident status... keep things separate... Best wishes.

So here's the most important question: How do you know that the kid is yours?? Did your ex provide any proof? That's is something to be weary of...

To (guest),

Thank you for your added perspective.
It's helpful to hear from an outside source even in terms of just that... perspective.

Yes, I married here under Japanese law.
Unfortunately I have heard that "short time" is really quite short... I must report the divorce to immigration within 14 days and then may get up to 30 days to change my status or leave if I am correct??

As for the Teijusha, I am aware that it works if I need to support my child, but I am curious how I would be required to prove that and if my case would be acceptable considering the child is not from the marriage itself.

Well, I have been here 5 years but 4 consecutively.
My first year was a year exchange in University, then a year back in Canada, then the past 4 years here.

My ex is actually very calm about this whole thing.
She said that if I want to be a part of our daughter's life she would happily marry me but if I don't want to marry her that's OK too. She naturally wants our daughter to have her father nearby but says she is fully capable of single mothering as well.
I also really do not like the idea of marrying for resident status and don't really want to jump into another marriage but it's difficult to think of not being able to see my daughter, you know? I really want to be her father more that any of those other things.
If that was the only way I could be my in daughter's life I would honestly consider moving my family obligations that way. I know some would probably look down on me for that but... Jeez man, what would you do??

I am sure immigration will have a lot of questions and I have nothing against telling them the truth. I just hope they will understand... I have had mixed dealings down there and find that it really depends on the person dealing with your file.
Would you suggest phoning them, explaining my situation, and asking what they advise?
Or would it be better to consult a lawyer who specializes in this area?

My wife is showing no sign of accepting my even spending any time with my daughter at all and has no confidence in our marriage herself so it seems that even if I did want to stay with her it wouldn't be very fruitful for either of us. Understandable I suppose... I don't particularly like the idea of a divorce but I also am having a hard time with how she is taking this.
If it were me, I like to think I would be a bit more understanding about her mixed feelings and that kind of leads my confidence in "us" in a negative direction too.
We've had fights and I've seen her get upset but I've never seen this side of her before. Though I can understand why she would feel angry it's a bit shocking to see her talk the way she has been. (A good lot of cursing and name calling, bad mouthing me to mutual friends and whatnot)

Honestly right now, it's all a lot to think about and for now I really would just like to live single with the ability to help raise my daughter and the mother and I grow together decide marriage or not later.
...if that's possible.
I just really don't want to go back to Canada and leave my daughter behind here... that seems like the worst thing to me right now.

By the way I totally understand if you don't have the time to read and reply to all of this... in a way it's refreshing to kind of get this off my chest to someone I don't really know. So I appreciate your anonymous ear regardless.

If I was in this situation, I would go and find a job with a company that provides visa sponsorship. If this means doing a job away from your career path, so be it. English teaching is more than likely the easiest option. Stick with such a job for a year or so - until you have some sort of stability and can see the future a bit clearer, then move back on your career path. Forget thinking about marrying your ex so soon - there is plenty of time down the track for that.

It is certainly a tough situation, but if you are willing to be in your daughter's life, which you seem to want to be, you will do whatever it takes (and based on your post, you appear to be this type of person).

As others have said, this is all dependent on whether the child is indeed yours.

Good luck - I do hope it all works out for the best.

if you don't take a process of ninchi, 認知, you are not a father under the law.

there are at least two independent arguing points.
one is "a father". if you want to be a father, you have to take the process.
the second is "divorce and the visa".
as other posters say, it is better for you to find a job to get a working visa.
if you get married with the child mother, you may not have a spouse visa, because you divorced and are re-married so soon. it is quite reasonable that immigration doubts that the new marriage is a fake to get a visa.

whether you are a biological father or not, is not the arguing point under the law, I believe. if you don't take the process above, you are not a father. you are just unknown gentle ojisan (a third person) for the child.

The same guest again here. I tend to agree with Smokey, try to get a visa not based on a relationship first, so that you can sort out your relationship later. You shouldn't decide on your relationships based on whether you can stay in Japan.

Sorry to say this, but your wife has just been told, by her fairly new husband of one year, that while you were dating her, you were seeing and sleeping with someone else. If you didn't tell her about it earlier, before you got married, why should you tell her now. It must be awful. If I were in her shoes I would go nuts too (a Japanese woman married to a European, no children here by the way). Imagine yourself in her shoes. And now you are talking about going to see allegedly your daughter? I cannot blame her for her reaction.

Also for that reason, I suggest you find a visa sponsoring employer so you can sort out your personal stuff later. And also go through DNA test and the child "recognition" process. Again best wishes. I hope you will be more kind to your wife too.