Pregnancy

I found out my partner is pregnant, we are both international scholarship students so I have a few questions
1)If someone finds out will it jeopardize our scholarship
2)she wants to abort, but I cannot let that happen, some advice to stop her , I've heard women are not allowed to abort without the baby's father's consent, is this true?
3)If persuasion fails is there any legal procedure to avoid abortion as father of the kid, just hope it doesn't get to this.
4)What are the laws towards pregnancy and students, can they be suspended or expelled from the college , do they allow rest for the mother
If you can help me with any of this question or have some adittional information please share, I appreciate the help

1) I am not familiar with the rules of your scholarship program.

2) 3) Please keep in mind that it is her body, and she might want to make her decisions about her life. Yes, I know you are part of it, though. (Please discuss this with her; and please do not push on with the rights of the father, etc. It is her body and her life. This might turn out to be a fundamental difference, which you might have to accept.) She needs consent from the father, but in case of disagreement she can ask a friend, if you know what I mean. Both of you are 20 or older, I assume?

4) Some young student couples might decide to get married and the woman might quit college. Some women will have an abortion to continue with her studies and career. If she wants to continue to study, she can do that too, but she would need to find some way to do so, meaning, being able to attend classes, and take exams as required. That would require quite some financial resources and someone to help her and you. Best wishes.

are you married ?
if not, you are not a father legally right now. you have a responsibility for a baby as a biological father.
if so, you have a right as a father and a responsibility legally.

Thanks for your reply, sadly the way I see abortion is as taking a life, and the life of my own child, that is why is so hard for me to leave this decision just to her. Of course I understand for her continue studying specially during pregnancy is a thousand times harder for her than for me, but I know it is not impossible and I will of course help her financially and in any way possible to achieve her goals. The terms of our scholarship just state that it would be removed if you are not able to graduate or if by some disciplinary reason your college suspends or expells you, that's why I wanted to know if schools would have problems if they found out you are pregnant. Also some information about daycares would be appreciated.
Thank you so much for your help, best wishes to you aswell.

Also do most clinics require actual presence of the father or just the sign would be enough for them?

Sadly, the way you see abortion is quite irrelevant. She could go see a doctor without telling you anything, and they would find a way, especially because as a foreigner, you'd have a hard time getting redress in a Japanese court. And if you express your dissatisfaction a bit too strongly, it's easy to claim harrassment and/or domestic violence.

You are right, taking this to a legal point will be useless or make it worse. I just feel helpless and crushed that I'm out of options to save my baby's life, but what I feel will change nothing. I need to be sure that if this pregnancy carries on it will be possible for her to continue her studies, and the baby to have good taken care of.

You can't feed a baby while you both are scholarship students.
It's a half your fault.

You both need to sign on the agreement form of abortion. This is protected by the protection of life during pregnancy law. You both need to write date, name, address and signature. The agreement form is kept at least five years by the law.

Abortion in Japan is illegal unless you have health and financial issues. You have financial issue, so is legal process to do so.

Medical doctors won't report that you have a pregnant girl firend, so your scholarship is still valid. You must keep to remind about your birth control always.

The cost of abortion is between 150,000 - 200,000 Yen basis. There is no insurance payment subsidized.

I'm afraid you should've talked with her about pregnancy before you two became so physically intimate. Same for her. And raising a child requires even more responsibility. I can understand if she is having second thoughts about raising a family with you. The fact that giving birth and raising a family requires money doesn't help.

But everyone starts there. I wouldn't say you are doomed. You just need to grow up a little bit. As for childcare information, you can get advise at your local health center, which is usually situated inside your local ward office. And no one needs to be with her when she is having abortion or when she is giving birth.

Thanks for the information. I have been doing part time job wich is luckly pretty well paid in Japan, in my opinion. I have been saving 100 percent of it since the scholarship is enough for my own expenses, and all the job money will go directly to the kid expences. If we get the childcare subsidy the government offers and the a birth allowence from the insurance company, even if hard, I think financially it is possible. I also have the support from my parents, they thankfully are in a good economic position and could help us if we fall short on money at any time, they have even offered to take the baby into their care adopting the kid. I'm aware of the responsibilities and care a child needs, and specifically for that responsability that I'm willing to take, I know this kid can come to this world and enjoy a good life, and I just want that, the happiness of my kid and my partner.

Its her body and its her life. Have you ever thought how this will destroy her life?

Trying to take away her liberty as a women is wrong.

if you are a student your clearly not ready to have a kid. You cant raise a kid on ideals.

The kid is very likely end up going up poor or in a broken home. she is clearly not on the same page as you so i dont see it working.

i grew up in a broken home it was not pretty dont bring a kid into this world if you cant 100% take care of it.

FG, I'm not going to tell you to change your views on abortion, or to magically quite wanting this child. But do stop planning how you are going to take care of this baby financially. That comes after your partner decides she wants a child to take care of. It's strange, on the one hand you seem utterly devastated by the fact that your partner wants an abortion, and for that I have quite a lot of sympathy for you. But still many of the things you are saying tell me you have not yet fully grasped the fact that she does not want this baby, maybe from your perspective you have, but think about what this must mean for her.

Please listen to jorfriend. It's all well and good having the ability to take care of a child, or even having people you trust to raise the child as their own, but far from being the positive reasons she needs to go through with the pregnancy these are just reasons not to go through with an abortion. It is easy to convince someone to not get an abortion, but to actually want a child? That's a different story. Think about your child's existence growing up with a mother that didn't want him/her, also think about the profound consequences it might have on your relationship.

Your partner does not want a son or daughter, at least not right now. Go and talk to her, if she genuinely changes her mind then great. But if not then what are you going to do? Hold her hostage for the next 20 years with a child she might end up resenting? Or you could let her do what she wants.

In the end, you should leave the choice to her. It's her who will have to carry the baby and give birth to it. It's her who will have to give up her studies and scholarship. It's her who will do the majority of the child rearing. It's her body and her life; you cannot demand that she do what you want.

Like the previous poster said, if you force her to keep the baby she may resent you for it, and you may break up and you won't see the child as often. The child may grow up feeling unwanted because they feel they ruined their parents' lives.

Talk it over with her before making any firm decisions. Ask her what she wants; not just for the baby, but for her life.

OP wrote;
I'm aware of the responsibilities and care a child needs, and specifically for that responsability that I'm willing to take

But you didn't take enough responsibility when you were creating that child. If I were her, I would be concerned about that (and her lacking half the responsibility doesn't help).

Unlike the other posters, I don't have anything to say about her body or her studies. I'm just saying that if I were her, I would be already concerned about the responsibility part alone. So you have to clear that part if you want to persuade her. Anyway, I've written what I needed to write about your original question which was about persuading.

are you married with her or not ?
if not, you are not a husband and not a baby's father legally.
you have no right to decide anything about a baby and her.
a baby is her belonging.

Do not burden her with a responsibility she doesn't want.
It won't make you, nor her, nor the baby happy.

Getting an abortion is already hard enough of a decision to make on your own, if you try to prevent her from doing it you are only going to make her suffer more with all of this.
Don't be the guy that forced her to have a baby she didn't want.

Be more careful next time.

I usually just read and never post, but...

I think your job as boyfriend in this case is to be supportive of whatever decision she takes. Note that I would be saying the same thing if it were the opposite case (her wanting to have the baby and him trying to force her to get the abortion).

Personally, if I were in that situation and saw in a forum a post by my boyfriend asking how to FORCE me to do something I don't want to do, instead of him being supportive of me in a time like this...
Well, imagine how something like that would feel :(