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Pregnancy announcement? 2016/2/20 21:12
Hey guys,

I've it couple question for you but here's a bit about my background. I am a foreigner and I and getting married with a Japanese guy next month in Japan. We live in Australia and have been together for 6 years. After long struggle I finally fell pregnant. I am almost 5 weeks now. We had discussions when to tell his family about my pregnancy. He said its normal to let them know when I am around 12 weeks pregnant and he doesn't feel comfortable to tell them yet. I find this weird. His brother and his wife are struggling to have a baby as well for couple years now so it is very sensitive subject.

So my question is:

1. Is it really too early to tell his family about our pregnancy?
2. As I mentioned before, we are going to Japan in March, am
I able to do ultrasounds in any medical center because we are staying there awhile.

I am not Japanese citizen but my partner is.

Thank you in advance:)
by Starr (guest)  

Re: Pregnancy announcement? 2016/2/20 22:43
Although it is not a topic often discussed even between women because it can be emotionally difficult, miscarriage is common in pregnant women... up to a 15-20% chance for each pregnancy. At 12 weeks, that percentage goes down significantly, which is why many women choose to wait until after the first trimester to tell people. But it is a personal decision. Some people tell others right away, some tell only select people, some tell only once they feel ready. Since the people in question are your husband's family, I would let him decide when to tell them.

In Japan, once there is a heartbeat (usually around 6-8 weeks depending on how you count the weeks of your pregnancy), the pregnancy can be registered at city hall to receive discounts on prenatal care and other benefits. Some women choose to tell others at this point. At 5 weeks, you wouldn't even be able to do that as it is still very early.

So to answer your questions,
1) It depends entirely on the person, but 5 weeks is still really early. It is difficult to think about, but things happen. If you tell people, and something does happen, then you have to tell them all again the bad news. I'm sure for your husband he would rather not go through that, so he wants to wait until it is a bit safer. As said above, I would let him make the decision as to when he lets his parents know.

2) You would indeed be able to get an ultrasound done, but would be paying out of pocket since you are not registered under the health care system here in Japan (and prenatal stuff isn't technically covered anyway but then sometimes it is... it's confusing). Also note that unlike the US (I don't know about Australia), here in Japan vaginal ultrasound is common through at least 12 weeks, maybe more, though it might depend on the clinic.
by scarreddragon rate this post as useful

Re: Pregnancy announcement? 2016/2/20 23:40
I have heard not just once that the wife often prefers to keep silent until she is in her "stable" period - maybe from 12 or 16 weeks onwards - to tell the in-laws. The logic was that in-laws tend to get excited (her own mother will rejoice but will stay quiet as she tends to worry about her daughter's health) and start voicing their plans for which hospital, what name, how long she should spend at their home, etc., etc., which can be a burden to the wife, is what I've heard.

When you come in March, would you be coming as a "temporary visitor"? Then you'd need to pay out of your pocket.
by ... (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Pregnancy announcement? 2016/2/21 07:50
Thanks guys for your reply. I am very aware of the risk of miscarriage and to be honest I don't want to think about that word at all.

In my culture we do tell family member only because if something bad happens I want their support. I have not and I will not tell anyone else outside of my family about my pregnancy at his moment until it safe. I think that's common sense. But I let him decide when to tell his family. He's mum is really looking forward us having kids and last time we spoke about it with her she was really supportive.

But when we go to Japan, I will be 10 weeks pregnant and we me and my partner need to help his mum pack all her stuff from a big temple where she lives as well unpack. So at this point I can not help lifting any boxes so for me personally I would like to tell her the truth.

How much do you think ultrasound will roughly cost me in Japan?
by Start (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Pregnancy announcement? 2016/2/21 09:23
Im currently pregnant, living with my Japanese inlaws. its my 5th pregnancy this year because of frequent miscarriage. this time is finally going well. but i had to tell them each time because i wont enter hot bath/onsen and wont eat certain foods like raw egg. they found out about this one as my husbands mum handed me a raw egg for sukiyaki lol

you may want to research the scan before you go. many a foreigner has been shocked at what they went through. I knew and wasnt worried but you will be sitting in an automated chair that will rise up, spread ya leggs and face your bum air up for the ppl on the other side of a curtain to see. if you are expecting a standard ultrasound, its a shock.

also the lifting thing, do a bit of research but its not quite the drama its been made out to be. i have a huge toddler who requires constant carrying up stairs etc. life doesnt stop with pregnancy and my doctor assured me the carrying hadnt been the problem as baby is well protected from that. subsequent research also confirmed what he said.

Last thing, you may find you get a lot of strange advise or warnings. every country has their crap mixed in with the truth. They may fuss like crazy with simple things. My MIL freaked right out about me going down a slide with my son. they may ask if your stomach is warm enough, an old belief about keeping the baby warm. And my MIL has no concept of modern day suggestions about diet/breast feeding etc. they constantly admonished me for not giving my son water before 6 months. We had to set VERY clear bounds that when it came to my body, my baby, no one else got a say other than my husband. We have a very good relationship but this was the first problem we faced.

Anyway I hope it all goes well for you! congratulations! My experience with Japanese hospitals has been amazing. I love my hospital and doctor. And I can eat sushi (those that are small fish not containing mercury) and no one judges me!
by guest (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Pregnancy announcement? 2016/2/23 12:17
Hey I'm Aussie too. If you haven't already, see if you can organise an ultrasound before you go. I had them early on (6 weeks) to see if there was a heartbeat because of anxiety about previous early term losses. Once the embryo has a heartbeat it is less likely to miscarry. It might give you some additional peace of mind. I'm a private patient but surely the GP can refer you if you're a public patient.

And as someone else said, lifting isn't generally an issue. I was still picking up my nearly 3 year old and doing weights at the gym (under PT guidance) til I had my son. Ask your doctor if you're concerned.
by Sal1980 rate this post as useful

Re: Pregnancy announcement? 2016/2/23 12:41
Thank you guys for your advices!
I have an update.

Last night I told my mum and she wasn't really happy( long story) so I was feeling really sad and emotional so we decided to call my MIL in Japan and she noticed I wasn't okay so we decided to tell the whole family. They were really happy and supportive of us:)

Because I had IVF done, I am closely monitored by my doctor. I saw him yesterday but I forgot to ask him how often I need to get ultrasound done and what kind of test I need to get done later in my pregnancy. I have my first scan in two weeks so I hope everything goes well then. I guess it's not a big deal if I miss a scan or a test while I'm away. I can always do it afterwards
by Start (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Pregnancy announcement? 2016/2/23 13:03
Sorry to hear about your mum's reaction, but I'm glad your fiance's family were more supportive.

In Australia the scans depend on if you're a private or public patient. The 2 scans that everyone can get are the nuchal translucency (NT) scan at 12 weeks and the 20 week morphology scan. The NT is for determining the risk of chromosomal abnormalities such as Downs Syndrome. It's best done in conjunction with a blood test. If the risk is high, other tests can be carried out. You don't have to do the NT scan but I think most people probably do. The morphology scan is to check for physiological abnormalities such as heart defects.

If you're a private patient you'll have lots of scans. My OBGYN would do an ultrasound in his office every time I saw him. Ask your OBGYN for their scan schedule.
by Sal1980 rate this post as useful

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