Domestic Violence

Hi there,

This may seem like an odd question for this forum, but I'm not sure where else I could ask.

I'm living in the UK with my wife. We're moving to Japan next year. My in-laws have been living with my brother in-law, but he's a nasty bit of work. He's been sponging off them, and has attacked them. My mother in-law just got out of a 3 month hospital stay after he broke her leg. She hasn't reported any of it though. We've told her that she can live with us when we get over there, which she's happy to do, but she also doesn't want to lose her home. Is there anything that can be done which wont make things worse?

Thanks

Get informaiton what visa your mother needs and what documents she needs to apply it.

Sorry, perhaps I worded my message badly. We are moving to Japan next year, my mother-in law is Japanese and already lives in Japan with my brother in-law.

If your mom-in-law isn't willing to take things to the police, there isn't much to be done unless/until she is willing to press charges, or to kick him out of her house. Maybe once you and your wife are there you can support her enough to help her do this? Even living with you though, she shouldn't "lose" the house unless she signs it over to him, or stops paying mortgage or something like that. Or do you mean she doesn't want to stop living there? In that case, she'll need to be the one to tell her son to get out.

Sorry, too, for misunderstaning.
So, she doens't want lose her house in Japan after moving to your new house in Japan, right?

She can keep ownership without living there, paying tax (Kotei-shisan-zei), its slip will just be sent to here new address.
In case that she desn't want her DV son to live her house after her moving, mmm, sorry no idea other than sending him to the institution (DV people can be regarged as a mental ill people).
If she dosn't want him to be a successor of her house, she should go to the nearest notary public's office (Kousei-yakuba) to prepare for an official will, which mentions who will be a a successor.

I hope everything go well and all of you will be happy!

She wants to stay there (they've lived there for 50 years). My in-laws are in their 70s, and my brother in-law is burly; there's no way they could forcibly get him off the property.

Scarbourough,

Thanks that's useful! She doesn't want to report it, largely because of the shame I think. He wants the house to be left to him in a will, but my in-laws want to leave it to us. I used to be of the mindset that I'd rather he kept it. We will have our own home plans when we arrive in Japan. Upon finding all this out about him though I have changed that mindset, and I want to try and help them as best I can to avoid him getting it.

So she hasn't told the hospital (or the police) that it was her son who broke her leg?? Unless she is willing to bring that out in the open, there isn't anything you can do about it.

The only thing I can think of for her safety is that when you move to Japan, you start living in a different house, to which you bring her over, and never tell him where she is.

Another thing that comes to mind is you move in with her, and (because you are moving in) pay him off with the portion of assets he would be eligible to inherit, so that he can move out on his own, and just stop bugging her. This needs to be done with some legal professional involved, and there is no guarantee that he won't bug her again. And the brother "could" claim you just came and tried to take over the house though he's been taking care of his mother, etc.

I don't know what your wife wants to do concerning her brother - if your wife (and the mother) is willing to call the police and press charges against him should it happen again, there is a chance, but if not, he'd just keep on hurting her.

When it comes to the house, even if she moved in with you, she would retain the title, unless she signs it over to him (which she cannot do without the consent of all the children I believe). Best wishes that things turn out OK.

Brit,

We've told her that she can live with us when we get over there, which she's happy to do, but she also doesn't want to lose her home. Is there anything that can be done which wont make things worse?

I gather that this part is the gist of your question, and I think I understand your situation. It's not a black-and-white thing, I assume.

Long story short, rather than police issues, I wonder more about whether or not your mother-in-law is seeking advise from a counselor, in other words any type of soudan-in ‘Š’kˆõ

I think talking to the police can be such a huge step for her. Has she talked to a –¯�¶ˆõ which is a neighbor who also works as a sort of a voluntary consultant, or her nearest city hall or ward office? They are all supposed to give free advise to citizens and guide them to whom they can talk to next.

If she has trouble talking by herself, you or your wife can assist her or even try to see if you can seek help on her behalf.

You probably know that when she says that she doesn't want to lose her home, she's not talking about ownership but more about not letting go of what she always held on to. She needs something for her heart and soul. And as violent as he can be, he's still her son in her soul too.

Anyway, there's no short answer for these things, and that's probably whey you say that your question may be "odd". It's not odd, though. It's a question from someone in another country asking what he can do about family in Japan. And the only short answer I can give you is to encourage her to talk to her city hall, or if that doesn't work, let your wife contact that city hall by email or phone.

The issue of domestic violence towards elderly parents is intolerable. Reporting of these issues to the authorities encourages others in the same position to come forward. He has a history of violence- draw a line in the sand and make him accountable.

Hi again,

We moved to Japan in January, I want to know what will happen if she reports him to the police? He has been attacking her weekly, and we need to do something about it. Will the police arrest him? We need him away so we can help her to move out.

If you are in Japan, why don't you report it to the Police?

It's not as easy as just reporting it. I need to make sure my mother-in-law will report it herself, and so I need to be able to reassure her that she wont have to worry about him after she does so. If the police knock at her door suddenly, and ask her if she's been physically abused, the most likely response from her is that everything is fine. When he broke her leg, she initially told us that she fell from her bicycle, she's never going to tell the police, unless my wife and I can reassure her that it's the right course of action. We need to explain to her what is likely to happen once the report is made so that she knows she will be safe (if that is indeed the case). I have no knowledge of how these things are handled in Japan, and I don't know what to expect if we get my mother-in-law to report it.

My wife thinks that nothing will happen if it's reported and thinks we should just move her out while he's at work. I think he needs to pay for what he's done, so I'm trying to find out a much as I can about the process.

You should consult about it at your local city hall. They will give you advise and guide you to the right place. Since it's only consulting, you don't have to worry about the police knocking on her door. You can phone/visit/email the city hall by yourself. In fact, the police office usually offers similar consulting service, or you can simply visit a koban.