Foreigner attending Karuizawa Wedding Goshugi

Hi,

Me and my wife were invited to a Japanese Friend wedding in Karuizawa, since we are initially planning a smaller holiday this year some where else that is cheaper, but since we were invited, we thought we will just upgrade our holiday to attend our friend wedding by increasing our budget a little, and also do some sightseeing in Tokyo after that. So we have informed that we are attending the hiroen wedding on an open air hotel, seems like a nicely laid out buffet with activity.

However when we research further it seems that the costs is much higher than our culture/expectation to attend the wedding, hence it seems to have exceeded our budget, such as:

i) Roundtrip train to karuizawa - 10000/pax = 20,000JPY
ii) accomodation in Karuizawa - 20000JPY/night and above, hotel is much higher about 350,000JPY.
iii) Nijikai: 5000-8000JPY/pax
iv) Special appointment for early hairdo and make up about 8am: how much?
v) Goshugi: how much?

The transport and accommodation is not provided. We might end up just stay at Tokyo since it is a lot cheaper, and just take the train to Karuizawa early morning of the wedding, then come back to Tokyo in the evening after the party, or any nijikai.

This is one of my good friend from university time, we would like to attend the party, but we do not wish to disappoint my friend nor over strain our budget as well. I have some question:

1. What is the standard Goshugi for friends (couple) attending wedding in Karuizawa from Tokyo or like our case traveling from Thailand. Is 30,000 acceptable as a couple?

2. Is is normal for people to travel to Karuizawa early in the morning to attend wedding, then come back in the evening/night after the wedding and nijikai if any etc? saving accommodation cost. Or most people will attend wedding and lunch reception as day trip?

3. Is hairdo compulsory for wife attending wedding for girl? or as long as the hair is nicely groom, with light make up, and presentable dress will be good enough? as it seems difficult to go to Karuizawa on morning of wedding day and also do hair do and make up at same time, since the wedding reception will start at 10am. If needed, How much will it usually costs for early morning session about 8am sunday?

What else do I need to prepare, or need to take note for attending a Japanese Wedding?

Thank you for all the great information on the forum, I have learned a lot, but am not sure on the above questions... would appreciate if some one can help to advice.

The 30,000 is sufficient. Skip the nijikai unless you will know at least half of the people there. Staying in Tokyo is fine if it is cheaper. No need for a special hair remake.

Just to add to the appropriate answer, yes, it is normal for friends and relatives to attend domestic weddings and come home on the same day. Wedding venues often have a shuttle bus or two for the guests. See if you can catch one from/to the train station.

What else do I need to prepare, or need to take note for attending a Japanese Wedding?

A lot of men would wear a black formal suit and a white long tie, but in recent decades, more people are wearing anything between semi-formal to formal which is not as flashy as the bride and groom. Women typically wear knee-length party dresses.

You will typically receive a relatively big paper bag of wedding souvenirs per household including sweets, and maybe dishware and gorgeous bento. So actually, you can consider that the 30,000 yen goshuugi is your meal and souvenir fee. And as long as you pay the goshuugi, you don't have to give them wedding gifts.

I hope you enjoy seeing happy people!

just dont forget a white neck-tie for you. - it seems everyone of the guest wears one.
(i once attended to a wedding and was the only one that was wearing a colorful neck-tie (here in Austria the white tie is reserved for the broom and should not be worn by anyone else) - of course since i was gaijin it didnt matter much, but still...)

Hi Paul, Uco and Glimpigumpi,

Thanks very much for the reply, arigato :) the information has been very helpful in enlightening a foreigner like me. We are very excited to attend the wedding and see the Happy couple and 2 of the friend that we know are also attending the wedding. If possible, two more clarification:

1) For the nijikai, will it be okay to follow 2 other Japanese friend that are also attending the wedding, the rest we would most probably didnt know. If the the 2x friends are attending, we will also follow them to attend, or will it be like an invitation only, meaning if the Groom didnt ask us to stay back for nijikai, we will make voluntarily greet farewell and make excuse to leave?

2) for the Attire for Men, with suit and white shirt with white tie, will it be okay to wear grey tie instead? or does it have other meaning with grey colored tie?

Thank you very much and have a good day everyone, we are looking forward to visit Japan again soon :)

1) I can't think of a friend of the bride or groom who is invited to the hirouen but not to the nijikai. If you know that there is indeed a nijikai, then you're practically invited. A lot of nijikai is mainly for friends, so relatives and bosses often don't get the flyer/info in the first place. And to be more specific, just as it is with any party in Japan, the MC or bride/groom will call out to people at the end of the hirouen to encourage them to come to the nijikai, and whoever heard the announcement is most welcome to attend. But if budget is your problem, having to travel back to the city would be a good excuse to resign yourselves from the nijikai. It's up to you.

2) A "silver" tie will be appropriate. I Googled "grey tie wedding" in Japanese language, however, and got the following result. Your husband can wear anything like the Google images and not be out of place. Actually, my Japanese husband has been wearing a brownish bow tie to weddings for decades and never had a problem. Meanwhile, a solid black long tie is designed for funerals.

https://www.google.co.jp/search?q=%E3%82%B0%E3%83%AC%E3%83%BC%E3%81%AE...

I'm so sorry I just realized that you are the husband.

i think he is NOT the husband / broom. at least as far as i understood.

2) it appeared to me as male guest were wearing "all shades of white ties", so grey should be fine i suppose... but to be sure, better ask some native japanese here... i suppose it should be common knowledge :-)

I'm Japanese too, if that helps. And I apologized because I mistook the OP as his wife.

Hi Uco,

Thank you for your advice and the google link, got it it seems like the tie color is acceptable for the wedding occasion in Japan/ With your help and others in the forum, we are clear now and looking forward for the trip. No worries at all about confusing myself as husband/wife, I am the husband actually, it was my fault for not making it clear enough hehe :)

Hi Glimpigumpi,

Thank you for your advice as well. :)

Have a nice day everyone