Japanese friend who ignore your message

I made many Japanese friends on the app called "Hello Talk". As I talk to most of them in Japanese they're feeling at ease when talking to me and so we talk a lot. We even sometimes end up sending each other long messages.

But there is this kind of person who suddenly ignore your (long) message and reply with something COMPLETELY different a few months after.

Well I took time to reply to your message (especially in Japanese, which take even more time) and you reply with something totally different? Have I been waiting for months for this reply??!

It's a feeling really similar to the one you have when your friend only reply "ok" to your long messages. Nothing worst than it.

I told my feelings to my friend, and she told me she didn't expect it to be rude (to COMPLETELY ignore someone's message and send something different a few months after). So she apologized and we continued talking like we did before (long messages).

BUT it happened again. She didn't reply to me for about 2 months, and she came up with a totally different conversation. Not even a "sorry for the late reply". Nothing like that. She just talked about her life.

And it's not only her. I have other friends similar to her.
Actually I asked a Japanese friend to have her opinion about it but she didn't find it rude at this point either. Well. She told me that if someone reply late but really want to talk to you, he/she would reply with something different to have a conversation with you faster.

But I don't mind if you reply late or anything. Just reply to what I said!!!!
I also do reply really late sometimes (when I'm busy or in exam period), but I always take time to apologize for the late reply and reply to my friend's message(s), without ignoring what they said.

So... yeah. I can't help finding it rude. Maybe it's just me, but when the conversation is interesting and you end up sending long messages, it really hurts to get ignored.

I don't know what to feel, nor what to do.
I've searched on the net if there were people in the same situation but I didn't find anything... so I'm waiting for you guys to tell me what you think about it haha

Not really a friend. So why put so much though and effort into the situation. Move on from the person.

Classic pen pal situation.

Agree with above reply.

But also, you wrote "who suddenly ignore your (long) message..."

If your messages to the friend are anything like the long note you posted here, perhaps you could write shorter, more concise messages and get to the point sooner.

Keep messages short - 5 or fewer sentences. A single topic. UNLESS you are responding point by point to a longer message you received. Don`t impose upon the other person, causing them to post a long message. (See, 5 sentences, including this one.)

Your messages should be too long, always.

I always try to write slightly shorter than a friend's reply, because I tend to write longer than they prefer. And if a friend likes reading long messages, the method still works too.

Hope it helps.

When this website still had the penpal section, I made some similar experiences. If they reply with something totally different after some time, it can mean that the last topic was uncomfortable for them. Unless you know somebody really closely, Japanese people will usually express themselves more indirectly, do not make very strong statements often. Sometimes they are also just very busy and cannot reply to the long message. After some time has passed, they will feel too embarassed to reply to it.

When I discussed more serious and complex issues with the penpals I met here(unfortunately, I could not find any other place to meet Japanese penpals yet), I separated and numbered the different topics. I also wrote at the beginning of the message that know that he/she has not much free time so there is no need to write an answer to all topics. He/she should just pick some of the topics and that I will not be disappointed in any case.


-Jan