Dear visitor, if you know the answer to this question, please post it. Thank you!

Note that this thread has not been updated in a long time, and its content might not be up-to-date anymore.

How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/19 10:18
My wife is Japanese and I'm American. 2 kids @ 2 and 4 years old and we live in the U.S.

My mother is about a 2hr plane trip away and would like to see her grandchildren as often as possible... Is it OK for my mom to visit or is that normally no good? (as in we should be visiting and staying in a hotel?)

Japanese normally only visit once a year and stay in hotels?

There a difference in visiting my family or wifes' family?
by Night442  

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/19 16:54
You are overthinking this. Each family has its own way of doing things that works for them.
by ... (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/19 17:03
Not really a Japanese related question.

But yeah I agree with the above. All family and family situations are different. Speak up if the current situation isn't to your liking.
by hakata14 (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/20 12:13
Well, my wife says that its so weird that my mom would actually come visit us and stay over at our place instead of a hotel like its common sense... and that it should be us going to visit instead and staying in a hotel.
by Night442 rate this post as useful

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/20 15:11
Certainly not common sense - but you might want to keep your wife happy. It might be what she observed or experienced with her grandmothers visits and it might be that she doesn't want mother-in-law issues at home. It doesn't need to be reciprocal - you can still stay with her family instead of a hotel, even though you/your mother stay at hotels when visiting.
by Paul (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/20 19:08
If your mother is willing to fly across the country to see you, I think the least you could do is give her a place to stay. Forget about whether or not your wife thinks itfs weird, thatfs a non-issue. Instead, ask her if itfs a problem, and if so, why? I assume these are only short visits, so unless your wife has a problem with your mother I donft see what the issue could be.
by LIZ (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/21 15:50
This is a case of one's customs/habits being different from the spouse's - not "common sense" or anything.

Having said that, in Japan many houses are small that relatives/in-laws visiting & staying over is sometimes not really "welcomed" by the bride, because the in-laws might come at short notice, they might tend to act chummy with the son (the husband) and act as if it was their own home, or the wife has to "act nice" with the in-laws and be attentive to their needs at all times, including cooking food, getting bed ready, serving tea, chatting together, etc., which can be tiring, depending on the relationship.

If you live in the States, maybe you have plenty of rooms in the house that your mother visiting/staying over is physically no problem. Maybe your wife doesn't like it that your mom can come when she feels like, instead of herself deciding when to go see her (when she feels ready to go see her). It's up to how close your wife and your mother feel about each other.

I would talk it over with the wife about her preferred visit frequency/length, and also with your mother too.
by ... (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/21 17:02
you have to think about that the ways of child raising and education are considerably different between the two countries.
if your parents come often, it is surely stressful for your Japanese wife.
in Japan, there are so many similar troubles between a wife and a husband's parents (especially mother).
by ken (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/22 07:45
This is related to the person or family. I guess no body can answer this
by justmyday rate this post as useful

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/26 09:16
I don't think this is necessarily about being Japanese. In my family (lived in the Northeast USA), often times family prefers to stay in a hotel or with friends their own ages. And honestly, when we visit my in-laws I would prefer to stay in a hotel. My husband's family (lived in the Mountain West, USA) family doesn't let family stay in a hotel, and if accommodations with family are less than ideal you're supposed to just lump it. It's taken time to get use to it and to work out what works for our family.

In your position, I would talk to your wife and figure out what makes the most sense for your family. I know I personally prefer having my husband's family here on my own turf so to speak because I feel more comfortable here than in their home. Maybe your wife would prefer it the opposite because she would feel responsible for your mother along with the kids. Talk to your wife.
by rkold rate this post as useful

Re: How often visit in-laws? 2018/10/26 22:09
I'm a Japanese wife (to a Japanese husband) and I remember thinking the contrary to the OP's wife when we had just got married and our in-laws were young enough to visit us. So, like others have said, it totally depends on the individual.

My advise is to just forget about the "weirdness" or "common sense" and seek what is most comfortable for your household. If she doesn't want her in-law staying at her home, why not suggest that there is "a very nice hotel in the neighborhood"?
by Uco rate this post as useful

reply to this thread