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Japanese culture regarding in-laws 2019/12/11 00:17
I am dating a Japanese woman and we are getting serious. She doesn't like the idea of spending time with my family and wants it to be just us. My question is: do Japanese people not interact with their in-laws or have much of a relationship with them?
In my culture (Chinese) marriage is seen as a union between the two families. I personally think that being able to get along with family is important.
by Jack194  

Re: Japanese culture regarding in-laws 2019/12/11 10:33
That depends on the person, so if she says she doesnft want to, thatfs her preference. Nowadays marriage is seen more as a union between the two persons, though in the past it used to be seen as a union between the two families, under which the bride (the daughter-in-law) has often been oppressed or ruled over, if you know what I mean.

Both of you need to feel out how each of you feel about each otherfs family (or interactions with them), and see how it goes. While you start getting your impressions about how she wants to/does not want to interact with your family, she will be getting impressions about you and your family too, and see if it is compatible or not. Just donft assume anything, ask and talk things through. We donft know what is expected or assumed in a different culture, or in a different household for that matter.
by AK rate this post as useful

Re: Japanese culture regarding in-laws 2019/12/11 16:49
I agree with AK. And just to add, seeing marriage as a union between the two families and spending time with them are two different things. For example, I love my real parents and I love my son, but I don't want to spend too much time with them.
by Uco rate this post as useful

Re: Japanese culture regarding in-laws 2019/12/11 18:08
My wife doesnt like my family much either. But I dont like them much also.

But yes marrying the whole family isnt the done thing nowadays. Some people are still old fashioned though. Nothing wrong with either way.
by Hakata14 (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Japanese culture regarding in-laws 2019/12/12 10:54
uI am dating a Japanese woman and we are getting serious. She doesn't like the idea of spending time with my family and wants it to be just us. My question is: do Japanese people not interact with their in-laws or have much of a relationship with them?v

There's an important distinction to keep in mind here: right now, your family isn't her in-laws.

Japan, to an extent, does see marriage as being a connection not just between individuals, but also families. However, it sees dating as very much a private connection between two individuals. Because of that, it's pretty common for family functions to be just the family, and not include dating partners.

That's not to say Japanese people never bring their boyfriends/girlfriends to dinner with their parents or things like that, but it's less common in Japan than in many other countries. I didn't meet anyone from my Japanese wife's family until we'd been dating for more than half a year, even though her parents and brother's family only lived about 20 minutes away from me. Even that first meeting was something that came about because we 'd stayed at my parents' house on a trip to the U.S., and her parents wanted to reciprocate the hospitality.

It's also worth keeping in mind that even when Japan does think of marriage as a connection between families, in practice the connection pretty much stops at the married couple. For example, if you and your girlfriend get married, they'll probably feel like they have a familial connection to you, but not necessarily such a deep connection to your parents/relatives etc. Aside from the wedding ceremony itself, the two sets of in-laws (i.e. the husband's relatives and the wife's relatives) don't really see each other very often in Japan. Because of that, Japanese parents don't have as strong a feeling of "You have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, you'd better bring them by the house a lot so we can get an idea see if their family will mesh with ours" as parents in some other cultures do.
by . . . . (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Japanese culture regarding in-laws 2019/12/13 06:06
As <....> pointed out, they're not your in-laws until you're married! It's not that uncommon in Japan to not even meet your future in-laws until after you're engaged (or if you're more old-school, just prior, in order to get their approval.) Once you're married you would be expected to interact with them, but there's no such expectation when you're still just dating even if it's a steady long term relationship.
by gfoulk rate this post as useful

Re: Japanese culture regarding in-laws 2019/12/13 14:11
There already a second mistake in your thinking "In my culture (Chinese) marriage is seen as a union between the two families."
You mention you are getting serious but you write if you are almost married, such as in laws or marriage is seen as.
First she is not Chinese and meeting the parents means it is serious. Also she is an individual and you should consider this.

Just enjoy the time together and if it is getting really serious she will be happy to meet your family. (after marriage in laws)
by justmyday rate this post as useful

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