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How to translate undermine 2020/5/10 21:50
Undermine (lessen the effectiveness, power, or ability of, especially gradually or insidiously), as in:

"That undermines my parenting."
"Don't undermine my parenting."
by Menj (guest)  

Re: How to translate undermine 2020/5/12 09:27
There isnft one word that is completely equal to that in Japanese.
So you are a parent, and you are trying to tell someone who is doing something with your child that would render your parenting efforts useless, like grandmother/neighbor trying to give your child some sweets while you are trying to keep sweets only as treats on special occasions, or something like that?
In Japanese it could come out quite blunt, like gdonft get in the way of my parentingh or gdonft bother me/intrude in my parenting,h or a bit lengthy but gdonft do things that would waste my parenting efforts.h
Depends on how blunt you want it:
- Watashi no kosodate no jama wo shinaide kudasai. (Please donft get in the way of my parenting.) – this can sound very blunt.
- Watashi no kosodate no doryoku wo muda ni shinaide hoshii no desu. (I donft want you/anyone to waste my parenting efforts.)
- Watashi ga shite iru koto wo muda ni shinaide hoshii no desu. (I donft want you/anyone to waste what Ifm doing.)
by AK rate this post as useful

Re: How to translate undermine 2020/5/12 10:39
Thank you AK, that helps a lot. It's the child's grandparent.

Yes, it does sound blunt if I say "don't undermine my parenting." Even in English, it sounds quite blunt.

In English it can possibly sound more gentle if I say, "that undermines my parenting" and especially if the appropriate tone and facial/body language are used. But in Japanese, even if the tone/body language is gentle, using "that undermines my parenting," would the words themselves decidedly render the message as still being blunt?

In Asian cultures, I know the respect for elders is extremely important. Is this one of those cultural things that you just can't say without being disrespectful? Is this one of those things you just have to suck up and suffer?
by Menj (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How to translate undermine 2020/5/12 11:18
OK, now I understand the situationc

First about wording things:
I guess, gplease donftch or gthat (what you do) underminesch would sound blunt, but they say convey what you are FEELING rather than ask what to do/not to do (generally speaking) in close relationships to get things understood.

Soc the last two sentences where I worded it to say gI donft want you toch gIfd rather not (anyone) have this donech are my attempts to do that, convey YOUR feeling/wish.
Also you could add that you are putting a lot of thoughts behind your parenting.

Watashi mo iroiro kangaete kosodate shite imasu. (Ifm putting a lot of thoughts behind my parenting.)
Then:
Watashi ga shite iru koto wo muda ni shinaide hoshii no desu. (I would not want you to waste what I am doing.)
Or (for the second sentence)
Watashi no doryoku ga muda ni naru you de, tsurai desu. (It feels like what Ifm doing is wasted, and it is painful.)
Or
Watashi ga shite iru koto wo muda ni shinaide kudasattara, ureshii desu. (Ifd be happy if you could refrain from wasting what I am doing.)

Parenting and grandparents:
When it comes to parentingc Ifm a Japanese woman, into my 50s with no kids, so I donft have firsthand experience with grandparents spoiling my kid(s), but I have heard stories about it from friends.
Some say, oh let them have their fun with the grand-kids, it wonft last long; others say stand firm when you canft stand it, say it blunt; others say let your spouse do the talking (if the spouse is on your side).
Some say no matter how you say it, they are going to say, oh so you are not happy about what we are doing, huh?? So it is better to just say what you want, it is YOUR child.

Without knowing you, your in-laws or relatives, I have no way to suggest anything, but I guess Ifd have just blurted out my thoughts, if I were in your shoes. You donft have to suck it up just because the grandparents are Asian/Japanese. Just my two cents.
by AK rate this post as useful

Re: How to translate undermine 2020/5/12 12:33
AK, your posts are extremely helpful and I am very grateful that you took the time to answer and help me out. And I'm glad to know you don't think I have to endure this in silence just because I'm dealing with a grandparent who is Japanese. But yeah, conveying my feelings vs. being demanding will hopefully make the situation go smoother, so I will use your suggestions.
by Menj (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How to translate undermine 2020/5/12 13:47
I have been doing this way. = I want to do this way.= your way is not same to my way. = your way is different from my way.= my way is different from your way. = you undermine my way. = your way is wrong. = etc...
there are a lot of expressions. but, it is better not to make the word "you" (or something related to "you") as the subject, especially in the cases when you have opinions different from them. @(probably by that reason, we use passive sentences more.)
by ken (guest) rate this post as useful

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