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Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/12 22:28
Hi, I'm currently training as an English teacher for kindergarten. Today at work I got into trouble because i was told to say more to one of the children in my care even though I already was but since she's not good in English I don't know if she didn't understand me or what. After I told her "I did say something" in Japanese in a very polite way she got so mad at me. She told me that we should have a talk and then she grabbed my arm and gripped it tightly and looked like she wanted to hurt me but knows she couldn't. I didn't know how to react as this is my first job. I just graduated senior high school here in Japan. Please I need your help and opinion on what I should be doing in this kind of situation. I only just signed a contract for 3 months and I've been working for only 2 weeks.
by owgodsai  

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/13 16:24
Heated situation will always happen in workplaces. I wouldnt worry about that aspect.

The grabing your arm so tightly it hurt is not though. Maybe she was just graving your arm to make sure you were paying attention to her, and squeezed too tight. Or maybe more.

With seeing the event personaly. I doubt much more can be said.

If she does become physical again. I woulds say something.
by H (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/13 18:24
Sorry to hear about the incident, particularly when you are just starting out being trained.
Sounds simply like a communication problem, maybe she didn’t like it that she couldn’t make herself understood clearly to her trainee. I don’t know what kind of place it is, maybe she is simply used to having younger people obeying her, not “talking back” (in her perception).

Should that ever happen (I mean she gripping your arm/holding your arm/shoulder, etc.), you can quietly and calmly say: te wo hanashite kudasai (“please let go”).
by AK rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/13 21:48
"After I told her "I did say something" in Japanese in a very polite way"
what did you say exactly in Japanese ?

you should not make argument in front of children.
by ken (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/14 10:18
@AK It’s her first time to train. When I told another teacher about how it hurted me when she gripped on my arm tightly they said that it’s not right that I should tell them that if it happens again. Most of the teachers seem to have a problem with her.
by owgodsai rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/14 10:25
@ken I told her “Hai iimashita” It’s more like telling her that I did. I never mean it to sound like arguing.
I know I was in the wrong for that I kept apologizing after it. But my point is was it nessesary to grab on my arm and pulled me out tightly that it hurt me when I can go out by myself and go to the other room?
by owgodsai rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/14 13:50
To OP: no. It is not right.

@Ken : if both of them are not to argue in front of children (which doesn’t seem like the case), then grabbing a worker’s arm in front of the children would be FAR worse in my books.

Just my two cents.
by magatsu8 rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/14 14:53
Owgodsai,

It sounds like the trainer is simply not good at training others.
Your words are nothing that should upset anyone (unless she expected 100% obedience, like she seems to!). Stay calm, keep in touch with your colleagues.
by AK rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/14 15:42
point 1. OP did not answer my question. it means OP may hide something.
people always speak without the subject.
did you say "私は何か言いましたか?” or "何か言いましたか?” or else ?
the meanings are different. the first sentence does not make sense and the second one is "you did say something ?."
"in a very polite way" makes sometimes (often) troubles.
when you speak the language always "in a very polite way", it is your manner. but, usually you speak frankly and in this time, you speak "in a very polite way" , it means .....

point 2. don't trust your colleagues.

but, in any ways, since OP are fresh graduated, OP will realize (maybe after one year or may take more) that OP got useful experiences to survive in the society (both in Japan and the working place).
by ken (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/14 20:29
@ken I did answer your question. She said “言葉もっと言いなさいよ!” In a angry voice and so I said “はい、言いました。“ In a calm voice. I did not give her any tone at all. But since I am not that good in Japanese I am not sure if that is also the way to say it. I always make sure to respond politely.
by owgodsai rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/14 23:14
@AK Thank you for your response. I don’t think I can keep working there. After the incident the next day I got in trouble again because I was taking forever to clean she said. I was supposed to clean with another teacher who was guiding me but she was busy having a meeting with another teacher so I didn’t bother asking her. Instead I cleaned everything because I didnt just wanna stand there doing nothing and get in trouble again. She also thought I had been wearing slippers and glared at me and was about to say something to me about it but then one of the other teachers said that they were the ones who had been wearing them. She stopped and laughed about it instead. Before I had even started my training I worked for her as a part timer and she had been calling hello work and telling lies about things that I didn’t even do. I had only found out through my school and thankfully I had proof. I also wanted to quit at the time from the way she was treating me but my teacher at the time told me that I won’t look good if I quit now. My boss from my work also stopped me from quitting when I messaged her about it.
by owgodsai rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/14 23:37
I don't think it's okay for anyone to be even touching other people's arms during the pandemic. It's a good thing you are blessed with other nice colleagues.
by Uco rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/14 23:56
I don't mind getting in trouble. Because I know that I will learn from my mistakes and do better next time. But what she did to me was very traumatizing for me. I'm now at the point where I jump if I see her out of nowhere or when she calls me.
by owgodsai rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/29 12:37
No, that is not normal. A boss with a firm sense of authority knows how to summon a co-worker properly without the need for physical contact. Gripping your arm, even if it is mild, shows that she is willing to break personal boundaries just to have her way. Establish limits as early as you can and be firm about it. Leave if you have to.
by MarLion rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/6/29 19:46
It is not Ok but power harassment and bullying is fairly common in many Japanese workplaces.
I mean some president beat his employee to death and can get away with probation.
https://soranews24.com/2016/02/22/company-president-beats-and-kills-employee-gets-five-years-probation/

There’s also the cases in the Kobe school systems which went on for years.
Most employers would choose to protect the senior members and would see any reports of harassment as trouble-making. In general, if power harassment bullying becomes unbearable, only a job change can fix the problem.
by D (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Is it ok for your boss to grip your arm? 2020/7/1 14:59
It shouldn't matter what country you're in as assault is assault. Even in Japan with someone grabbing your arm in a tough work enviornment as seeming more lenient compared to that of western countries, it's still not right to do. If someone has to use physical force just to get your attention or because of something they may not like that you have said, there is no excuse for it.

It depends on the context of what happened to you and how they did it and if this is the first time or a re-occuring thing. Just be weary of it since some people can get away with mistreating others in the work place and you can't get in trouble for standing up for yourself if someone grabbed you.
by Motti15 rate this post as useful

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