Finding my father’s grave (haka)

Hi, I am a daughter of a Japanese. My Japanese father spent his 30 years of life in the Philippines with us. But he got sick and passed away. He said he wanted his remains in Japan with his parents. So I contacted my step sister in Japan. Btw, we are the legal family. That time, we have no choice but to gave my father`s urn to my step sister. At that time, We havent got any visa. Me and my sister didnt got the Japanese passport because of our age. but my younger brother got one and now we are now all living in Japan. My step sister doesnt want to tell us where my father`s grave is. They are a bit disappointed because my father left them when they were young and went to the Philippines with us. I understand them but visiting my father`s grave is also important to us. Is it possible to find my father`s grave? I only got access of his koseki. Thanks for replying. :(

Missmiwa16,

I am sorry for the loss of your father and his urn. However, I have tried to do something similar, and I must say it is not easy.

I had tried to find the grave of a deceased friend of mine, but due to family complications, I had to give up my search. It would have been easier if I had spoken about it with the friend while she was still alive. I could've asked where her parent's grave is, so that it would be a clue. Or I should've listened more closely when she spoke about her family temple.

But I can't go back in time. That was as far as I got close to her, so I deserve to be distant from her grave as well. She might not even have a grave. Bones are bones. Her spirit is always with us.

Meanwhile, it was easier to find the graveyard of an extremely distant relative of mine. I dug as far as I could on her koseki, asked the local library of the koseki location, and pinpointed a temple. It was easy to pinpoint it since it was in a rural place. Again, her ashes may not be there for one reason or another, but at least her family lies somewhere in that yard.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.