Japanese poem

Hello everyone, may you help me please?
I'm a 16 years old Persian poet and I'm learning japanese, now I'm trying to write a japanese poem in a Persian type of poem, my japanese level is intermediate and i don't really know if the poem that i wrote is good or not.
May you tell me if this type of poem sounds beautiful for Japanese people or not? And is it good to keep writing poems in this type or it sounds weird and not good?
Can you also tell me if the vocabulary and sentence forms that i used in this poem sound natural and they are good to use in a poem or they just look like a simple japanese text? I need your honest opinion

This is a part of my poem (it's my first poem in japanese) that is about : we people, are going wrong way, we forgot about goodness and we're lost in our sins 👇
人らが忙しい(せわしい)、罪を犯すの
善良の意味、度忘れするよ

気づかぬうちに、見失なくなり
闇に迷って、嘆いてばかり

嘆きをやめて、光を探そう
帰り道はもう、遥かにあるよう

first of all, in Japan, the concept of "sin" is rare. 罪 means "crime".
Japanese are not regulated by religions. (so, it is quite strange for Japanese that many foreigners believe religions and are that their life is regulated by them.)
in another words, Japanese are self-regulated without believing one (or many) religions.
so, what you want to write is un-understandable for most of Japanese.