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Stuck up neighbors constantly complaining 2021/10/12 18:49
Ive recently moved from Tokyo to out to the countyside in Japan.
Everything was great until we met our new neighbors.

This will be somewhat controversial to people who have no idea about the difference between a 2 and 5 year old kid. And if you think a quite child means good parents and a loud child equals bad parents you might get on with my neighbors.

Soon we got a call saying that our neighbors are complaining about the loud foot steps of our 2 YEAR OLD! They live on the second floor and we live on the first floor I might add and it's one of the reason we chose to. If they were kicking the wall etc but footsteps are jist the sound of living nothing notable.

You can tell a 2 year old child not to run but they will forget the next minute. The only way is to instill abusive fear that will scar them for life. However if the child was say 5 or 6 the child could understand and use caution etc. And dont get me wrong we chase them around and yell for them to stop everytime but by that time it's too late.

Also they always get off to bed before 9 so the complaints are like for 1 in the afternoon. And the kid is at preschool and we are always out on weekends so are hardly at home.

Thinking they're crazy but not wanting to be a bad neighbor we have now spent over 35000yen and cover the whole floor including the hallway in those thick jigsaw playmats and ontop of that have a big carpet even a 3.5meter one in the hall but they still complain. And they get off on how righteous they are and never show a slight bit of emotion. It's infuriating.

Anyway they probably have no idea how kids work. And how impossible there request is. Tried to explain to them but they literally ignore what I say and continue talking.

Everyone we called is like "what!? But theyre 2 and kids will make noise sometimes that's what healthy kids do."

Any advice would be appreciated.
by Benny1000  

Re: Stuck up neighbors constantly complaining 2021/10/13 11:52
It sounds like you want your neighbors to simply put up with the noise your child is making, and are upset at them for not doing so.

You mention that because of your child's age, you feel that because of your child's age, unless you emotionally scar them they will not listen to your instructions to be quieter, and that this situation will not change until they reach the age of 5 or 6. In other words, you want your neighbors to simply accept the extra noise for the next 3 to 4 years. That seems like an awfully big imposition on them, and tantamount to saying that it's impossible to discipline a child without causing them psychological harm for the first several years of their life, which is not true.

Your idea of laying down playmats to soften your child's footsteps on the floor sounds like a smart one. However, if your child's running is bothering people on the floor above you, the cause probably isn't just the sound of their footsteps on the floor, but of the vibrations transferring up through the house's frame.

You also mention, regarding your child running, uAnd dont get me wrong we chase them around and yell for them to stop everytimev. This probably isn't helping the problem. Instead of just the sound of one child running, you now have the sound of a child and an adult running, and also an adult yelling. You might want to explore ways of correcting your child without yelling.

Many times when someone is upset about the behavior of a small child, they're not upset at the child. They're upset at the parent. It seems as though you're trying to frame your conversations with your neighbor as "I tell them 2-year-olds like to run around, but they just don't get it!" From their perspective, tough, they're probably thinking that even if 2-year-olds like to run around, there's more that the parents of a 2-year-old should be doing than just expecting everyone else to put up with the extra noise.

Off the top of my head, not running and yelling yourself would probably be very helpful. Sound does travel upwards, after all, so when you yell at someone in your apartment, you're also yelling at the people who live on the floor above you.

Perhaps most importantly, you mention that you've moved out to the countryside. Is there no place you can take your kid to play outside, and not next to someone's home, when they're feeling energetic and want to run around?
by . . . . (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Stuck up neighbors constantly complaining 2021/10/13 13:28

I sympathize with you. You've been trying. One question:

Soon we got a call saying that our neighbors are complaining about

From whom did you get the call from? Is there a go-between? Have you talked to people like the board members of your apartment or neighborhood who are supposed to work as go-betweens?

It seems clear to me that the communication between you and your neighbor in issue is not working, but "everyone you called" is on your side. Wouldn't those people you called talk to your neighbor in issue? If they did, what did they say about it?
by Uco rate this post as useful

Re: Stuck up neighbors constantly complaining 2021/10/13 15:55
Did you greet them when you moved? I heard that Japanese people in countryside have a custom to do greeting with a small gift when moving in otherwise the new resident won't be accepted in the community and even encounter abuse. It will be the same when the new resident refuse to join Jichikai.

The way locals express their exclusivity in those cases is often refusing you to use a rubbish collecting place (gomi station) but also complaining about noise of a kid, dog, smart key, etc. Thing is not whether it is really noisy or not.

Meanwhile, attitude of parents (some, not all) with small kids itself is ruining understanding and cooperation by the others against the parents with small kids. They always believe that they are the first priority, never be thoughtful against the others. For example, they don't use a stroller carefully in a public place and never apologize even if the stroller hit the others who already try to give space. This kind of selfish parents are not welcomed by the other parents with small kids as well.

I hope that you can communicate with the neighbor properly so that they understand your effort.
by mamoru (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Stuck up neighbors constantly complaining 2021/10/13 18:38
Sorry to hear of your situation.

Were the neighbors there already when you moved in? If they were, when you moved in, did you go greet them (meaning the neighbors upstairs as well as those immediately next to you on either side), introduce yourselves with a small gift, and telling them that you have small kids so they might make some noise but apologies in advance?

Maybe they are an oldish couple who wanted a quiet environment, and things just arenft gexactlyh to their liking so theyfve got to vent somewhere (which is very bad of them), I have heard of this kind of stress mounting particularly because of this gstay at homeh thing since last year. But different families live in apartment buildings, so they should tolerate to some extent as well. Ifm surprised that they are upstairs and complaining (usually itfs the opposite).

Maybe it might pacify them if you took a gift (like sweets and things that locals might like – ask your acquaintances for recommendation), go gapologizeh for the noises the kids might make, tell them that you are doing the best you can to keep them quiet, and reassure them that you try to get them to play outside more, etc. (And please avoid running after them and yelling, if sounds/voices go through clearly, that could be one factor that is annoying them too.) Here I am not talking about who is right or not, but just ways to gpacifyh them.

Another idea might be to try to talk to the landlord/real estate agency – there is a certain gtoleranceh that everyone must have, as long as we live in apartment/shared buildings. They might be able to put up a poster that says BOTH gplease try to keep noises down/be considerate of othersh AND gplease tolerate certain unavoidable noises (everyone makes them!)h You need to approach the landlord/estate agency tactfully though, otherwise it could blow up the other way. Be sure to go talk with them with a local who can convey exactly what difficulties you are having. (And when you go talk to them, the tone should be gwe are having difficulties with our neighbor, who would complain no matter what we do, help ush in a gat a lossh tone, as against gour neighbors complain constantly and we want you to do something about thish adamant tone, if you see the difference.)

Also, if they (the landlord or the estate agent) are the ones who are calling you to let them know that there is a complaint, you could talk also talk to them about what has been going on, ask them to come over and show them what you have done (the mats and things) and ask them what else you could possibly do in addition – and get the estate agency to talk to the neighborsc
Best wishes.
by AK rate this post as useful

Re: Stuck up neighbors constantly complaining 2021/10/15 10:41
Just grumpy neighbours that don't like noise. Not much you can do about it.

You can attempt to shoosh a 2yo though. It is the only way they'll learn in time.
by H (guest) rate this post as useful

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