Mixed children in Japanese school.....

My wife and I are considering moving to Japan with our 4 year old daughter. My wife is Japanese and has concerns that our daughter would experience bullying in school. This is strongly putting us off the move. What are people experiences of sending a mixed child to school in Japan?

Yeah could very well happen. Very nationalistic upbringings of children. But I do believe now it is not as bad as it has been in decades past.

I must say that depends a lot on where in Japan, which school, her personality, your approach to things, and how well she integrates into the local school.

One of non-Japanese friends living in Tokyo, whose child looks obviously non-Japanese with a non-Japanese name, born in Japan but not fully fluent in Japanese, is doing ok in a local public school with no bullying as far as I know. (I�fve been helping the family with school matters).

You could consider an international school as well if you are concerned.

Not a parent here but a previous teacher who used to work at an international school in Japan.

Your child's age is a great time to move to Japan and still have something that will allow them to have strong fluency in Japanese.

Just like in your home country - there is a huge difference in quality in local Japanese schools. I've taught western kids who completed all of their primary schooling in a Japanese school and faced almost no bullying along with quirky Japanese kids who came to our school due to bullying.

As such - it really depends on the school and so many other factors. Researching schools carefully along with looking at the financial viability / availability of attending an international school if things go pear shape is an idea...

children have their own society.
if your child can immerse that society before entering elementary school, you may not be necessary to worry about bullying by racism.
my concern is that low communication between your child and others may develop to bullying.
if you bring your child to Japan, I highly recommend that you let her enter nursery school or kindergarten as soon as possible. this is the last chance.
it is also important that your Japanese wife has good relationship to neighbors, other parents, teachers, and the school.
in Japanese society, ‹¦’²�« is critically important in both societies of adults and children. ability is the second thing. if you (especially your Japanese wife) don't understand it, your child also fails to understand it. probably becomes problems. children are mirror images of their parents.

by the way, if you have a steady job in your country, I think you don't need to come to Japan. you can raise your child, to fit your society.

There is and has been as much and as less bullying elsewhere as there is/was in Japan. I know from experience as a person who grew up both overseas (California) and Japan, and as a parent who raised her child in Japan.

There always had been "mixed" children in almost every class my (now grown) Japanese child attended in Japan, including local public schools, and they were not particularly targeted. In fact, some of my child's best friends were "mixed", and they always had many friends at school, and did very well academically and socially.

I do know a parent who raised two "mixed" children in Japan. One did okay, and the other didn't like the school. But the latter didn't seem to like school back in the other country either.

For decades, society and media has been saying that bullying is a serious problem in Japan, and I'm not saying it isn't. But I don't think it's uniquely Japanese, and my family never had a serious problem as far as bullying is concerned. (We've had other serious problems, but the schools always helped us get through them.) And I don't know where you're from, but people also insist that countries like the U.S. is one of the worst places for kids to go to school in, and yet, that doesn't seem to be the case among people I directly know.

Kids get scared when parents are scared. Think happy, and see for yourselves.

Thank you H, AK, mfedley, Uco for your thoughtful and useful replies. I know it's an impossible question to answer but good to get your thoughts.

My kids have brown hair (one has lighter, other darker). Are they going to be forced to dye their hair black in schools?

To Conan,

I don�ft think so.

Conan,

Yes, you should not be surprised if you are told to dye hair, but it can be easily solved without dyeing. And you should remember that our government clearly states that it's important that children are educated to acknowledge themselves as who they are.
(Backup is shown below where it says ‚ ‚è‚Ì‚Ü‚Ü‚ÌŽ©•ª‚ð�m’è“I‚É‘¨‚¦‚é
https://www.mext.go.jp/content/20210824-mxt_jidou02-000017487_004.pdf )

Just for your reference, let me tell you about us. Our ancestors have been Japanese as far as we know, and my child was born with extremely light brown hair. At some of his schools, we did have to sign a note reassuring that that is his natural hair color, as opposed to being dyed out of bad influences such as gangster cultures, but everyone was always understanding and no one ever questioned his hair in a bad way. Everyone either loved his hair or just took it as granted - for 18 years - until a few days before his final graduation ceremony.

A couple of days before his high school graduation day, he brought a note home suggesting we need to have his hair dyed black. We were pretty shocked. It was that rare. And this was the only time in my life as a parent where I had to make a phone call to his teacher to firmly oppose to the idea. I'm very thankful that the one phone call worked, and that we didn't have to have his hair dyed.

THEN, to my surprise, it turned out that it was one of the (Japanese) parents who insisted that if you're "Japanese" you needed to keep your hair black. To that parent, it included those whose hair color had become naturally lighter from doing school sports club activities under the sun.

I'd like to take this opportunity to inform the world that a great percentage of people of Japanese heritage are born with very light brown hair and sometimes even blonde hair. In fact, the majority of Japanese hair is not pitch black. They're dark brown.

So, although most people with light-color hair never go through this kind of problem, you shouldn't be surprised if a small percentage of people happen to influence the majority to the point they tell you to dye hair. But you must remember, that it can be easily solved without dyeing.

I hope it helps.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am happy to hear that in the end common sense prevailed, and your child wasn't pressured into doing it.

Your experience will largely be based on a few things

one how your child actually looks

two
where and what school your child goes to and

three how good their Japanese is.

I've spoken with friends who are half people who grew up in Japan and their experiences very wildly. Overall it seems like the more Japanese you look the less likely you are to be bullied.

My son is also half. I am black ,but he looks like his mother who is Japanese. he's very easily able to pass amongst the other full Japanese children and overall living here for 5 years he hasn't had any bullying problems in school.

However my friends who are half and obviously look half (dark skin, curly hair, blonde hair, green eyes etc), have expressed greater issues with being mixed.

In my son's schools there have been other mixed children and even full blood non Japanese children and there hasn't been any problems however this just is my particular area.

I have some friends who obviously are not fully Japanese and they've had no bullying problems whatsoever, others on the other hand spoke about bullying daily which is why the school that you pick plays a large part as well.

Lastly about your child's ability to speak Japanese I think younger children don't have it as bad but once they get around high School age is when the bullying really starts so the younger they are when they enter a Japanese school the better. If they're able to speak the lingo at a comparable level at that age and understand the customs I think bullying is less likely.

All in all bullying is just something that we all have to deal with growing up regardless of what country you live in you just kind of have to take the good with the bad on this one.

For the record, the "mixed" students I mentioned in my first post looked obviously foreign (some with darker skin, some with lighter skin/hair) yet did extremely well socially and academically. It's not that bullying itself didn't exist. There were indeed students who suffered bullying at the same schools, and they weren't necessarily "mixed" or foreign. As for the siblings I mentioned, with one doing well while the other not as well, they both looked equally foreign and were brought up equally.

To be fair, however, I do agree that, whatever country you attend school in, smaller children tend to adapt better while those in adolescence tend to have more complicated obstacles to overcome. Unfortunately, in Japan, free academic support for teens is poor (although every school has a school counselor for more social/mental issues).

I believe that among the keys to make a smooth adaptation is for parents to communicate with the school well, and this is not just about mixed children. If your child attends school, whether you're foreign or local, it makes a big difference when the parent(s) tries to communicate with the teachers and other parents. If there is language barrier between the parent(s), you can ask your city hall for free assistance.

By communicating, you not only can pick up problems faster but also gain mutual trust. For example, I don't know how many problems I'd solved just by visiting my child's school, stepping up to a bully and introducing myself with a simple smile. Just a word of "Hi, I'm X's parent" worked.

Humans tend to become violent when they're facing something mysterious. It's human nature to protect yourself from something you don't know well. By letting them know who you are, they can feel at ease.

Distrust is among the worst obstacles you can get.

By the way, when I first started living in California as a child, I was bullied badly by a small number of kids, but I was able to express my problems using gestures, just like pantomime. The majority of students then supported me, which helped me become friends with the bullies as well.

Just my two cents.