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Condolence money (koden) from Japan to U.S 2023/7/18 05:30
Hello, I 'm from the U.S. My late mother was born in Japan, but lived in the U.S. for many years. She passed away recently, and I wanted to let her family in Japan know. I wrote a letter to them, and a friend helped to translate it into Japanese for me.

One of my mom's sister-in-laws found me on facebook and sent me a message. It was in Japanese and she added the English translation from Google translate. It's a little off in the translation, but I think I understand most of it.

She said she was so saddened to hear the news of my mom's passing, and that the extended family wanted to send condolence money (koden). They had checked and found that it is difficult to send money by mail tothe U.S., so they want to send it via "a representative."

I am not sure what she meant by "representative," and I think (if I remember my mom's experience sending money to Japan correctly) that it means an intermediary (a person or a company) that will arrange a wire transfer? If so, what would that entail?

I know that it is polite to accept the koden and that I should send a gift (worth about 50% value of the koden) back to the family. But I am not sure what the etiquette is surrounding a "representative" and how I should respond.

I would appreciate any insights and help. Thank you!
by SanseiMichi  

Re: Condolence money (koden) from Japan to U.S 2023/7/18 10:20
SanseiMichi,
I am sorry to hear of your motherfs passing.

I have never heard of the use of a grepresentative,h at least not as a common practice, and have no idea what that might have been in the original Japanese. She gmighth have meant a person, possibly someone they know - relative or a friend - who happened to be in the US. I cannot really think of any gagencyh who would do that? Or she might have meant that she would like to send something gin place ofh the condolence money, like some gifts, as sending money was a hassle.

Would it be possible to ask your friend who helped you with the letter to check the original Japanese to help interpreting it more precisely?

If they really meant to send money, by wire directly to you, theyfd have asked for your banking information. (Probably they already know your street address, if you sent them a letter.)

If i were in your shoes, and if it were a friend in Japan, I would say gthank you for your thoughts, but please do not take the extra trouble toch type of response, but considering it is one of your momfs sisters-in-law and possibly some other relatives might have been informed that she reached you via social media, they might be feeling they must send something.

If she means sending money somehow, and if you want to decline it, you could possibly phrase it to tell them you donft have the custom of sending money for condolences in the US, and maybe ask them to donate to some charitable organization instead, or something like thatc
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