Wedding invitations?

I`m getting married to a Japanese. I am inviting some western friends, but I don`t know what to write on thier invitations! Anyone have an English translation of what I should write?

On the wedding invitations you should have both spouses names, meaning the wife's maiden name. For instance, say We pronounce the wedding of Masayuki Okada joining together with Aika kawashima. Humbly, we would like to ask you to attend our ceremony at....Place, on (date) at (time). Then state a theme, slogan, love song, or very short description of you wedding. After that and with that you could just be creative and do what you feel is appropriate.

For the advice. The main problem I have is that we are expecting the guests to pay to attend our wedding, as is normal for Japanese weddings. But how should I ask my western guests to pay? It's not part of English culture, so I have no idea what to write.

I've never made an English wedding invitation, so I'm not sure, but generally speaking, even in Japan, when the guests pay money, you can't expect them to give you presents. And when they give you presents, you can't expect them to pay money.

Also, when you say you expect payment, do you mean that you are not sure but you think that most guests will bring envelopes with random amounts of cash? Or is this a party with a fixed charge, such as "5000 yen for all who is coming"?

If it is the former, you can just expect non-cash gifts from your western friends (or even some of your Japanese friends). If it's the latter, for both Japanese and non-Japanese invitations, you should use titles like Wedding "Party" (instead of "ceremony" or "reception"). Then, along with date and time, you can make a section mentioning "charge: -- yen" as you would in a nightclub party.

Just a thought from experiences of seeing wedding invitations in Japanese language.

What?! You are actually going to charge your dearest friends and your family members, even if they don't have a lot of money, a price to attend your wedding? Yes it is part of the culture to give a "money gift" when attending a Japanese wedding, but NEVER required, unless it is by someone like you. What kind of heartless person are you to actually CHARGE your parents and your grandparents to attend YOUR wedding. You would find that if you had a normal wedding, you would recieve a lot of money, out of the goodness of peoples hearts. It is a shame that you are using your wedding to get money. No one with a soul, would do what you are doing. I hope you feel shame for it. Japanese culture is not like this, I think you know it, but you are trying to justify yourself. You seem to have forgotten about the people who have always cared for you, and made sure you didn't starve. People who have waited there whole lives to see your wedding, who have loved you from birth, should NEVER be required to pay you a certain amount of money to go to your wedding. Let me make sure, are you really planning on telling your family members and your friends that IF they want to attend your ceremony, they need to pay a certain amount of money? It is hard to believe that people can be so selfish, so I have to ask again.

Sarah, think it fully through. I doubt he's charging admission at the door.

I'm running on the assumption that the guests would have to pay TO FLY over from whatever country to Japan, can you imagine how many million yen that would take to accomplish if the bride and groom were to do it themselves?

Think out of the box, not all his guests are in Japan and have to PAY to travel there.

Oh I have to retract my statement, as I misread the original poster completely.

It's true that people in Japan give money, usually about 30,000yen to attend a wedding. I flew from Australia to attend a wedding in Japan, and was told that I should not pay (I still gave them a present anyway, as is Western custom)

Maybe you could put on the invitations something like
" It is Japanese custom to give money rather than gifts, so as this wedding will follow Japanese custom, we would ask you to do this. Usually money is enclosed in special envelopes bought from a stationery shop and handed in at the wedding party. The money is actually used to pay for the wedding costs which in Japan are very high." See what I mean? Do some research, maybe add an URL for guests to chek about wedding customs in Japan - they'll understand!
Oh - is your wedding in Japan?

...I think it's simply that Ian Long is holding a completely Japanese style wedding ceremony/banquet, where the invited guests are expected to sign their names at the reception desk at the entrance, and normally as a custom give money gift in an envelope at the entrance, as against Western custom of doing bridal shower or giving other presents, and is wondering how to communicate it and make sure that everyone who comes gets to know that it's THAT style.

I'm assuming that the whole thing is a really formal wedding ceremony at a hotel or something or the like, OK?

By the way it is NOT an entrance fee, it's not charging someone at the door. Even for Japanese guests attending, it's not that you *pay to* attend, but that you normally come with money gift. In solemn situations, you just don't bring elaborately wrapped gifts and present it to the couple who may be standing there clad in and sweating in heavy formal attire, and get them to open the box right there :) But anyway on invitation cards even in Japanese language, you don't tell them that they pay to attend, you don't tell them how much, people decide on the amounts they put in by how close they are to you.

Here is what I might suggest... of course in addition to writing with the date, time, location, formal attire expected, etc., it will be advisable for
your wife-to-be and you to make something like an additional one-page leaflet or something in English that you can send enclosed to friends that
you expect not to know the Japanese style wedding. Maybe pick up some images/photos of a typical wedding ceremony and banquet (even the way people get seated around the round tables can be somewhat awkward for some people if they are not used to it), reception table at the entrance, the gift money envelope (as a custom in Japan, not as a requirement for them, of course), AND photos of traditional kimono and things if you are going to wear those, etc., and make it an opportunity for your wife-to-be and you to explain a bit of Japanese customs to those who may not know??

And of course, you should tell the hotel banquet staff in advance that there will be non-Japanese guests, and that some MIGHT NOT be familiar with the Japanese custom, so that maybe instead of those guests signing their name and give the gift envelope at the entrance, some guests might be asked just to indicate their name on the invitation card envelope before coming into the hall. ...And if your friends simply do not feel comfortable with the Japanese style thing, just invite them to be there for you, that's what matters, no worry! :)

I hope for you a very happy day, Ian!

Excuse me, but first of all, wedding parties collecting money at the door DO COMMONLY exist in Japan! It's usually held as a second or third party apart from the formal banquette, but a lot of couples commonly skip the whole 10-thousands-of-yens-consuming banquette and hold a simple party in stand-up style requiring about 3000 to 5000 yen admission at the door.

This is a convenient style that suggests that guest need not bring gifts nor additional cash nor pretty envelopes, and at the same time pays for _half_ the food and drinks that the young and less financed couple has arranged.

BUT! Assuming that Ian is holding a typical formal Japanese banquette where locals would often bring (on their free will) 10 thousands of money gift, I still don't think this is anything extraordinary.

Hey, isn't there anyone out there who invited a lot of foreign guests to those kind of banquettes? I think Ian was merely asking for answers based on those kind of experiences.

Anyway, my suggestion has already been posted previously.

And sorry for the late greeting, but CONGRATULATIONS IAN!^_^

Just for your information, it is a custom in Japan to pay for all transportation and accomodation for those who are coming from far away places. However, the wedding gifts of those coming from far away places doesn't necessarily have to be more expensive than of those from closer places.

Also..."It is Japanese custom to give money rather than gifts" This is not true. Cash is just a handy way of celebrating the couple without having to shower them with something they don't even need in their small houses. If there is a good gift that is sure to please them, it would be appreciated.

But the point is to just be fair for both the bride's side and the bride groom's side. If you decide to not pay for anyone's transportation, whether it be a resident or non-resident, that is that.

I'm not charging from abroad or family members anything to come. I also don't expect presents from anyone (as Japanese custom dictates, we will be giving attendees presents). I`d thank people like Sarah to keep thier ill-informed opinions to them selves. As a westener living in Japan, I know that tradition is that guests pay a certain amount, in an evnvelope whilst signing the guest book when they attend a wedding. This is normal. My western friends who live in Japan already know this too, and understand and respect this custom. All I want to know is how to state the required amount on the invite in English. It's as simple as that.

What I don't expect is idiotic rantings about what a bad person I am from people who clearly have no idea about Japanese culture. The majority of the people who attend our wedding will be Japanese, and what we are doing is normal and expected.

To everyone else, thanks for your advice.

"All I want to know is how to state the required amount on the invite in English. It's as simple as that."

I still don't think this is a polite way to do it; to even just "suggest" to let them pay.

I'm sure your western friends are accustomed to giving items as gifts instead of cash, and I suggest you simply accept those items instead of cash. If there is any guest who hears about the J custom and asks you for details, then you can just inform _that person_ the average amount.

In all the J/J couple formal weddings banquettes I've attended including mine, I saw many people not paying at the reception. Those I assume are people including myself, who gave items in advance.

According to my Japanese values, I also don't think it's polite to insist on accepting cash when people want to give you items instead.

I wonder what others think.

I agree with Uco-san. Even with formal banquets for J/J marriage ceremony, as I mentioned earlier, you just don't mention or even *suggest* the money/amount at all, not in any language. The guests decide how much they want to bring, if they want to, or they may decide to give the couple other gifts separately from the banquet, and probably ask the couple if that's OK. It's true in most Japanese weddings I've seen the guests came with the gift money, but not all the time even among Japanese guests.

You will want to be prepared to provide some info. on customs in Japan if asked and if needed, but that's all you can do... I mean, your Western friends who live in Japan would know the custom, and they may follow that custom or may want to give you other gifts separately, and might ask you what you would want. And other friends OUTSIDE Japan who may not know the custom would just act as they would, meaning, they might contact you to ask what they should do, or might just come with a gift they think appropriate for you, or might ask you what you want, etc.

All in all, why must all guests need to know this custom?

If you think you can't manage the banquette without the gift money, then cut down your budget. And as mentioned repeatedly, it's nothing like your guests should be embarrassed if they don't bring money.

In any case, what do your future in-laws say? They should be the best guides on these things. Also, what does the bride say? I would appreciate some non-Japanese custom if I were to marry a non-Japanese.

very interesting points, but it's funny how every Japanese I've spoken too (which is a lot as I live in Japan, and don't see many Westeners in the course of my daily life) all say the same thing. That it's compleatly normal, and what they expect. The few forigeners I've invited are either coming from abroad, so will be required to bring neither gift nor cash, or already live here and so asked me 'how much?' as they are also used to this custom. Also, downloading wedding stationary in Japanese from a Japanese wedding web site yesterday, all the invitation templates had a secion outlining a fee. �@Also, my fiancee and here family also say this is normal. Are all these sources of information wrong?

Anyway, by translating the Japanese on the invitation templates, I've got a fair idea of what to say.

Just one last thing. We aren't fleacing anyone. It's an extreamly small amount by Japanese standards. OK?

Now that all things are settled between the couple and the in-laws, I have nothing to say. It's "your" family custom.

But all this is new to me (and I'm a Japanese national who have lived in two major regions in Japan in the past 39/43 years in this country).

"Completely normal, and what they expect" is one thing. But asking the bridegroom the amount is out of the ordinary for me.

Also, if you don't mind, I'm just curious. For future reference, could you please guide me to the site that shows those invitation templates with a secion outlining a fee? I promise I won't argue with you any more, I just want to see it with my own eyes.

I seem that foreign-born residents are divided broadly into two categories; some persons try to integrate oneself into real Japanese society. others don't. It's not a problem of likes and dislikes, nor the good and the bad relationship, but it will be a matter of the need.
He may be the first persons' case. If so, and If we lend a sympathetic ear to him really, I think that we shouldn't give easiest answer like potentially inviting social ostracism.

Unfortunately, I'm disagree with uko. If it's right that Gaijin ignore the customs of Japan because of the FOREIGNER, also Japanese can ignore abroad their customs in foreign countries because of JAPANESE as a natural result. Is it really right? The sense of what's right will be different from each other, but I can't believe that it's right. I think that persons shouldn't distort something because of the FOREIGNER, setting aside the question of the case of INDIVIDUAL VALUES.

I suppose that it's less common that we give gifts to a couple on the wedding. If it's common, there might not have been a place to sleep in my house for thoughtful gifts because we couldn't throw those away.
There is a custom to reciprocate the kindness in Japan, and surely, giving a cash contribution is one of Japanese customs. However, I think that he shouldn't devote cash contributions to cost of wedding ceremony unless there is a compelling reason.
Incidentally, when it was a auspicious occasion, persons used to return a propine of worth twice as much as a cash contribution. Also I used to return propines of worth twice as much, I became diligent owing to them though.
Nowadays, It seems that it's changing to a propine of worth of half as well as the un-happy occasion.

Well,

I was to several Japanese weddings while I lived in Japan, and I was NEVER asked to give a money gift, let alone told how much to give. Even at a Nagoya wedding, where they are notoriously extravagent.

I think J-man may have a point, that people who come to Japan should acknowledge Japanese customs, but at the same time, I don't think it's good to out-and-out ask for money. If you don't think they will give you a monetary gift that is satisfactory, and that is causing you more stress than whether they can come or not, then maybe it's better to just send them a wedding announcement after you're married and not invite them to the wedding itself.

The fact that you are not requiring those who are coming from overseas to pay the "gift" is fair, since they are more than covering the gift prices to come there.

I understand your dilemma. When my husband and I got married, we wanted cash more than presents. But we knew it would be rude, perhaps even backfire if we were to rashly ask people to give us gifts of money. Instead, we did our best to imply to people who asked what they should get us that we would prefer cash in lieu of presents, but still it was very awkward.

Although there is a kind of etiquette for giving cash at weddings (1 man for acquaintances, 3 man for friends, 3 to 5 man for close friends or relatives, as I am aware), in a rudimentary way it's like tipping. There's a suggested amount to tip that is an unspoken amount, but it's up to the tipper what or if they want to give.

Perhaps if people ask, you can say "it's customary to give 1-3 man at a wedding, but that's up to you." Otherwise, you more than likely will alienate or discourage the foreigners from coming to the wedding if you put a "fee" on the invitation.
Another idea might be to put a website address that talks about wedding customs on the card, and say "if you are interested in Japanese wedding customs or etiquette, please refer to this site" or something like that.

I DO think foreigners can and should follow Japanese customs, especially if they're residents.

It's just that the things Ian wrote are not the Japanese customs I know as a Japanese.