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Are pictures of self offensive? 2005/11/27 12:59
I am a female and I currently have a female Japanese pen pal/friend that I email constantly. I told her that I would send her pictures of the snow when it falls. Well by the time I got the batteries for the camera the snow was already gone. So I told her I was sorry that I didn't get the pictures, but I would send some when it snowed again. (which should be any time now). Well, the last email she had sent me she asked me how my Thanksgiving went. This being because I had forgotten that the Japanese don't celebrate it and sent her a happy holidayfs email. Well, I told her about it and sent her some pictures of my family and I. Well, than on top of all if that I asked her if she might want to come over for a couple of weeks in the summer. She has not emailed me back since these emails. The reason I am asking them is because I had a pen pal awhile back who had asked for some pictures and after I sent them, she never emailed me back at all. So I was just wondering about that. If anyone could give me some insight on that that would be great.
by Kayla  

I know your Problem 2005/11/27 18:42

Im a girl from Germany and I know your problem!
I also had an japanese Penpal and when I told her about my favourit music (wich is japanese "gothic") she never mailed back.
I was also wondering.
Well, I realy don't know why this happend to you, but maybe your Penpal can't visit you and she didn't want to say it to you.
Well, I'm just a German, but maybe I can help you a little bit with my answer.

by Franziska rate this post as useful

I know your Problem 2005/11/27 18:44
Sorry, I forgot something to write to you!
I don't think, that pictures of yourself are to offensive! I also send a picture of myself to my Penpal in the first letter and she, too!
I think that's not the problem.
by Franziska rate this post as useful

photos 2005/11/27 20:05
How long has it been since she contacted you? If it has been less then a week I wouldnt start worying jsut yet. Give it at least one week and if she still hasnt mailed you back then perhaps she has cut you off. Maybe something came up and she hasnt been able to get online, or she has had computer trouble or something like that. Anyway You have done nothing an average Japanese person would find offensive.
by acdc rate this post as useful

... 2005/11/27 23:42
I am a japanese male.
I don't know the reason why she stopped emailing to you from what you said above.
Offensive? No, I don't think so.
by taro rate this post as useful

Ohhh, 2005/11/28 01:20
Oh, Ok everyone. Thank you for your advice. I was just wondering since my last penpal didn't respond to me after I sent a picture of myself. It has been at least 5 months. Well Thanks again.
by Kayla rate this post as useful

puzzling 2005/12/24 06:19
I've had this happen to me a few times over the years of corresponding with Japanese penpals. They just disappeared without a trace with no explanation, and this was LONG after we had exchanged photos. Other Japanese penpals (the two I have left) have not been able to answer the question definitively, but have given guesses as to why the others have done it.
by Paul Ward rate this post as useful

Try writing her again 2005/12/26 18:44
I agree with Franziska. Most Japanese feel uncomfortable saying "NO" directly and since you asked such a direct question, she probably can't come and doesn't know how to break it to you. If I were you, I would just act as if nothing happened and send an email saying "long time so see". Again, don't even mention or ask "why?" as it will make her uncomfortable.
by JG rate this post as useful

Japanese Pen Pals 2005/12/29 05:52
I have quite a few pen pal friends from japan. Some will continue to write and be your friend for a long time and others will just disappear. I think there are a number of reasons. The most important is maybe they can't keep up with the language communication. Some are very shallow people like we have in all cultures. Some find other, more interesting pen pals and then you have the women looking for boyfriends, although they don't tell you that upfront. I met with one pen pal who wanted to bring her girlfriend along for safety even though we were corresponding for a long time. I had no problem with that and we went out and it appeared that we had a great time. She wrote back to me later that she was very impressed at what a gentleman I was and her friend said the same thing but then i never heard from her again. I went on her Bebo Blog site where I was listed as a friend and I saw that I was not listed as a friend any longer. I can never figure women out but japanese women are twice as hard to figure out. At this time I will not have anymore Japanese female pen pal friends. I'm happy with what I have and will not make any new female friends. I'm tired of trying to be a mind reader. if people have something on their mind and you are supposedly there friend why not talk to them and tell them what you are feeling ?
by Frank65 rate this post as useful

same situation, a few years later 2007/12/24 15:01

I see from this old post that things have been the same for a long time!

I also met a female Japanese penpal for the first time. She was just visiting the U.S., as she does occasionally for her job and decided to contact me out of the blue. I took her out for a dinner and showed her the sights for a few hours. She also wrote back and said she had a good time. The difference was that she was a relatively new penpal. To make a long story short, she stopped writing after that thank you message, too.

Thinking about it, I understand that you can't really be involved in someone's world without being there. But why bother looking someone up then, if you aren't going to follow through?

I think a lot of these Japanese girls are just out for kicks at the expense of others.

I have a couple of good penpals, too, but this has really soured me on the whole penpal thing.
by bewildered rate this post as useful

Penpals 2007/12/29 06:59
I used to wite to penpals back in 2000

When they stopped writting back to me and I had about 6 which I wrote to them all.

They all stopped after a few weeks OR when they found out that I am not white when they assumed I was cause I live in England
by Abhi rate this post as useful

not only Japanese girls!! 2007/12/30 14:59
ummm...I guess many Japanese girls prefer white...I'm not sure though. Anyway, that's terrible to stop writting. But I think it's not only Japanese girls!! People will cut the realtionship with penpals when they feel troblesome, relictance or something like that or when they have troubles and can't write any more. Actually, some penpals from all over the world of mine had dissapered without saying something.
by ... rate this post as useful

same thing happened to me too 2008/6/27 01:10
I had 2 japanese pen pal who wanted to exchange picture with me. The first one, i sent my picture, and the next day she decided to cut me off in front of my face via yahoo messenger. I was told by her that we would exchange pictures of each other but that was plainly a lie. The second person decided she wanted to see pictures i have taken from the Cherry Blossom festival in Washington DC. I showed them to her and she logged out saying that she was busy. The next day, she took me off her skype list. Now I know to only exchange pictures only after knowing the person for a few days or even a few weeks.
by jtgamer rate this post as useful

It's not rude 2008/6/27 10:36
My guess is that many of the Japanese people who stop writing are just young. They probably want to practice their English and learn a few things about America or the UK, maybe Australia, but aren't looking for friends. I would imagine the invitation to stay at your home through her off guard, and she responded the way any immature person would.

So, long story short, you didn't do anything wrong

by Kazuyuki78 rate this post as useful

several possibilities 2008/6/27 14:06
Case1:"She" was "He", and just looking for a virtual-foreign-affair.

Case2: If she was really "she", as someone said she was too young to have a real conversation.
They're always chatting with "Friends", and listing many "Friends" on their favourite.
The list full-of-friends is their pride.
However, once you ask them to have a real meeting, they might get away from it.
Because they're living in a VIRTUAL world.

Case3: Meeting with new people makes us nervous.
And Japanese're not welcome-hearted. (however, this has changed better recently)
We never wanna make mistake in relationship.
So it's better to cut off you or not to meet you than making any trouble (even if it's merely a tiny misunderstanding).
This is a big problem of Japanese character.

Case4: When you're a male and your pal is a female, her boyfriend probably doesn't allow her to meet you.
Its contrary is also the same. (This is all same in the world, right?)

sorry for a long sentences.
by n-rosa rate this post as useful

Frank65 2008/6/28 23:53
Almost everything I wanted to say, Frank65 said it. I think I've had close to 100 penpals by now. But some lasted one email. Some I wrote a few times a day for 3 or 4 months and then, it suddenly stop.. it used to drive me crazy, but I've come to accept this..
by ichinensei rate this post as useful

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