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Why does she treat me so differently? 2007/8/2 05:49
Okay,I know this Japanese girl from school and her name is Shiori and she is also one of my close friends.I met her in 6th period class in Freshman year and it seem that she really liked me. She would hang around me whenever she had the chance,sit right next to me if I was alone and even stare at me when she thought I wasn't looking. One time when me and her was going to a play with our classmates,and she ask me did I think she was pretty because everyone said that she wasn't. I respond that "Yeah. You're very pretty." because I really like her and she said I was cute also. That made me happy. Two weeks later, She ask me if she can sit with me and my friends and I said Okay. My friends were also Japanese so they would always tell her I like her in Japanese and make fun of her and me but me and her didn't mind. Sophomore year came and me and her were still the same. We both like each other but never told the other person. I would go to class early because I really didn't have friends back then but she would come too just because I was there. She would still stare at me and when I stare back me and her would just smile. When I talk to her she blink her eyes ALOT. Must people in our school would call us a couple.She even found out I like her because my sister friend ask my sister did I like her and my sister said "Yeah" don't knowing she was in the bathroom listing to them until she walk out. Next day she smile at me and I was confuse not knowing what happen until at the end of the day. On Valentine's Day, I made her 2 Anime cards, bought her a plush-doll and a bag full of chocolates and also a rose. She was so happy, she kept thanking me and when I walk away she ran and gave a hug from behind. My sister said she saw her and she was showing the doll to all her friends and later my friends said she was eating the chocolates all day in class and everytime she saw me she kept thanking me. Later on during the month she did the samething. One day I was sitting doing nothing and all on of a sudden she ask me my phone number and she gave me her's. after that, I finally ask her would she like to be my girlfriend? And she responded "Sorry but no". I was shock. When school was over, I was very depress for the past 3 months on my vacation.Junior year came and I thought if I can't be a boyfriend to her at least I can be a good friend to her. I saw her sitting alone by herself so I ask her to sit with me. she started to come but soon she saw her other Japanese friend, she look at me then sit with her friend which left me feeling stupid. Then I thought she might not like me anymore because I'm not Japanese(I'm Black) and her Japanese friends and family may told her not to like me. But I don't act like a rapper or gangster or even a player. Infact I hate those things. I even speak Japanese just like her. So I decide to stop being friends with her if she was just going to treat me bad but then started to hang with me again. She then started to call me "Sasuke" (pronoun Sah-Ss-Kay) a real cool character from a show call Naruto. She still look at me but then turn away and will touch me for no good reason. For example: I am reading a book, next thing I know she is behind me and rest her hands on my shoulders or poking my cheeks if I turn around. one time I was joking with her and told her not to touch and she got upset until I told her I was kidding. Sometime she hang just around me and other time she would completely ingnore me even if I talking to her. She one time woke me up late at night just to come over her house the next day. When I got there to her house her mother welcome me with a smile but seem shock I was Black but didn't want to be rude. Her father was gaving me "The Evil Eye" and gave me a dry hello.He try to be polite but I can tell he did'nt like me. she barely said anything to me but when it was time to leave act like I was her best friend then. For some reason her mother kept asking me can I drive a car? My mother told me that she may wanted me to drive their draughter places or to prom senior year but it didn't seem her parents like me very much. I just can't read her or her family. I don't know why she act so different to me.Later I found out that after High school, her family is moving back to Japan. I thought that's why, but I don't know. She'll treat all her other friends great and won't leave them for another but does to only me. If she with just only me and no one else, I have her full attention but if her friends (Asian or not) comes (they don't even notice her until she run to them) She'll forgotten about me all day. I thought maybe because I am a boy and she is more comfortable with her girlfriends but would tlak to my friends who are boys?! It make me mad because all her friends would talk behind her back that she is ugly and look like a boy(her Japanese friends)or say she dress like a tomboy and I'm always trying to defend her when she is not around to do so. And I feel like I'm her backup friend or something. If I like someone else she'll will be around me a whole week and treat me like a best friend but treat ingnore me when I stop liking them. School is going to starting soon and I was thinking if anyone can give me advice how to deal with her? I was thinking maybe I should just tell her that we shouldn't be friends anymore because she doesn't treat me like a friend and just leave like that but wanted someone advice first
by Michael  

. 2007/8/4 23:32
You sound like an intelligent young man. You are right, it is not the way a friend treats a friend. It seems like a needy, insecure and a bit controlling behaviour. If I were in your place, I would just continue my life the way I like. If she bugs you because things are not the way she wants, explain to her in plain English (or Japanese) where you satnd.
by Miki-chan rate this post as useful

dude 2007/8/6 07:49
she wants you. but she knows her parents wouldnt let her date you and that shes moving a couple of timezones away, so when you asked if you could be her bf , she said no to protect herself. It mustve been hard on her, and maybe she realized that she couldnt be at peace with that hard decision unless she kept some distance from you. But obviously shes still drawn to you, altho shes trying to distract herself by hanging with other friends.

Its just a theory but I honestly think its a likely explanation.
by girl rate this post as useful

No 2007/8/6 09:14
other things or friends can give her what she really wants, she must realize it for herself.
by Module rate this post as useful

let her alone 2007/8/6 19:01
you asked her for love and she refused , i think she regards you like a friend only,
let her alone on the first days , you will see what she does , but if you are important to her, no matter how much important, she will walk to you maybe :)
by Natural rate this post as useful

Er, 2007/8/7 18:04
She's moving away, you can't really do much.
by SK rate this post as useful

My advice 2007/8/10 19:10
Use paragraphs--it makes it a lot easier to read.
I gave up trying to read your rambling after several seconds.
by OttO rate this post as useful

influences 2007/8/10 22:59
i agree with ''girl'', she proberly likes you but other people around her is influencing her decision to be with you. I mean, her parents are one big factor, then maybe her other friends are telling her stuff aswell. so even though she may like you, she most likely will go in the direction she has been lead. hence in your case, just move on. as obviously, you wont be with her anyways as she is moving away.
by momo rate this post as useful

Drop her 2007/11/12 23:59
Dude, I have to tell you, I've been studying Japanese society for 5 years in high school and university. I've been in this country for two months and I'm still here for another three.

So trust me when I say this:
No one understands Japanese girls. I'm beginning to question whether even they themselves know why they act the way they do.
by Sam rate this post as useful

see 2007/11/13 00:06
Here's the other side of the coin. Now girlsare te ones to blame.

It is part of the pattern of thinking that young people can fall into with regard to relationships especially failed relationships.
by Tilt rate this post as useful

ineptie 2007/11/13 04:55
So trust me when I say this:
No one understands Japanese girls. I'm beginning to question whether even they themselves know why they act the way they do

no one?? you shall say only the studid one misunderstands her

you shall learn their way of thinking before stating this ineptie... have fun
by Guy rate this post as useful

Chill 2007/11/13 07:07

Far be it for to tell you what is or is not, but perhaps I can shed a little insight.

Her behavior is not that strange. She is young, Japanese and dealing with a wide range of customs, values and feelings that may go against what she has been taught.

Relax. You like her and I advise that the best medicine is that of friendship. When you have a chance you can try letting her know that you like her and would welcome getting to know her better, and at the same time be willing to be friends.

Think of a pressure cooker: Remove the pressure and the cover comes off easily, rush it and it will blow up in your face.

As for her family, their behavior is also normal. First it may very well be that your gblacknessh caught them off guard. That does not mean that they do not or cannot learn to like you. Second, your skin color may mean nothing to them, but the fact that you are a gguyh interested in their daughter may call for sever scrutiny. Donft sweat it. It is her parents, so let them act their part.

The young woman seems interested. The touching and coming close and such, for some young Japanese women, is a major deal. She is showing you public affection. That is a biggie. Her ditching you when other Japanese or friends come around may be because it is shameful to show public affection. This is a common notion to many Japanese. It is true that it has changed for some, yet for many it is still a tough one.

I have a Japanese girlfriend, grown woman (I will not reveal her age.), and after two years she is still a little distant when her friends are around and when her family is anywhere in sight, you can forget us being close. And they know me and like me!

Take it easy. Enjoy the friendship even if it does not pan out into more. By being supportive in friendship, you establish by your actions that you can be supportive in a deeper relationship. You know she is watching you, so let her see your true self.

by Tenshi rate this post as useful

Very insightful reply 2007/11/14 12:43
Well said Tenshi, you summed it up nicely.
by Aust Guy rate this post as useful

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