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Modern engagement and wedding customs 2007/8/13 04:59
Hi!

I'm planning to ask my long time girlfriend to marry me but I want to do it in a custom friendly way. She herself is not very familiar with customs because she has lived in the United States for a long time, but her family and parents still live in Japan. When I asked about yui-no she thinks that this is too formal and traditional for her family, they are a modern middle class japanese family. but she has little knowledge of the details any more, and we are a little embarrassed to ask her family what we should do to announce our engagement (since that would sort of let the cat out of the bag.)

Could some people help us here?

Thank you!
by kilgoretrout  

... 2007/8/13 10:56
"Yuinou" is not an occasion for the groom-to-be to ask the bride-to-be for her hand in marriage, and it is not an occasion for *announcement* from the couple to the parents. It is a formal occasion, exchange of gifts, *between* the two families (meaning yours and hers!) to acknowlege the engagement in a ceremonial way.

So the proper thing for you do to is to first ask your girlfriend for her hand in marriage, and when the answer is yes, maybe the two of you together can visit her parents in Japan, arrange for a nice lunch/dinner some place for the four of you, and you can *announce* the engagement to her parents, maybe? :)
by AK (Japanese woman) rate this post as useful

... 2007/8/13 12:11
Yes, YUINOH was a ceremony to confirm the intention to get married when an arranged marriage prevailed. As a love-marriage has become more common, many Japanese skip this (tiring and costly) ceremony.

Having said that, some (conservative) parents may insist that YUINOH ceremony should be held. So it mostly depends on families.

In you case, as AK suggested, setting up a lunch/dinner fits you. But probably before that, you need to tell your parents your intention to get married, I suppose :)

Good luck!
by J Lady rate this post as useful

so in other words... 2007/8/13 22:58
So in other words, you first as your girl.

If she says yes, you tell her to tell her parents that you "want to ask her father for his acknowledgement", or you can simply let her tell her father that "you have something important to ask him" and he'll automatically suspect (and get very nervous).

And finally when both her parents and yours all say yes to your marriage, THEN you start asking to her parents, "What shall we do about the yuinou?"

It doesn't matter how modern or conservative you are. That has been the proper procedure for at least more than half a century.
by Uco rate this post as useful

typo 2007/8/13 23:01
incorrect: you first as your girl.

correct: you first ask your girl.
by Uco rate this post as useful

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