Names and Titles?

I've read that the japanese address each other by their family/last names, except for close friends and family. Does this apply to everyone? Will someone get offended if I call them by their first name? My email friend uses her first name (at least I think it is.) So is the last name thing just old fashioned or something like that?

And I've read about the titles people use for addressing each other, eg. san, chan... etc? Can someone explain firstly what all of the different ones mean and secondly do I have to use these titles for people?

Brian,

I've read that the japanese address each other by their family/last names, except for close friends and family. Does this apply to everyone?

Yes, I think that sums up the general custom fairly well.

Will someone get offended if I call them by their first name?

Depends on the person, the situation, and whether you are speaking in Japanese or English.

My email friend uses her first name (at least I think it is.) So is the last name thing just old fashioned or something like that?

Not old-fashioned, but in friendly situations (e.g, penpals), especially between young people, it is common to use first names. Since you are not Japanese, there is also a greater tendency to use the "western custom".

And I've read about the titles people use for addressing each other, eg. san, chan... etc? Can someone explain firstly what all of the different ones mean and secondly do I have to use these titles for people?

All explained in great detail here...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_titles
If you are communicating in Japanese, then you should expect to be using titles 99% of the time when addressing other people.

Brian,

The safest way is to simply ask. (example: "Can I call you Taro? Or maybe I should call you Taro-san")

I think it's the same in the English language culture that you should start calling first names only after asking if it is okay to do so (example: "May I call you Brian?").

But if a person signs his/her letters and emails _only_ with his/her first name, I think it's natural to call that person with the last name even if the person is Japanese. (example: If a Taro Suzuki signs just "Taro", you can call him "Taro").

If you're communicating in Japanese language, you should basically always put -san at the end of a name unless the person insists you don't. But if you're communicating in English language in first name basis, somehow it's natural to omit the -san from the first name.

At least that's how I feel. I'm Japanese and I feel comfortable being called by my first name without the -san if I am communicating in English, especially if I'm calling the other party in first names without the -san.

The only thing to keep in mind however, is that often Japanese people will introduce themselves using his/her family name (example: "Hi, I'm Suzuki"). And often the non-Japanese party, not realising this, starts calling that person "Suzuki" without the -san, and that sometimes sounds kind of odd. It's like calling someone "Hey, Smith!" without not knowing this person well.

incorrect:But if a person signs his/her letters and emails _only_ with his/her first name, I think it's natural to call that person with the last name even if the person is Japanese.

correct:But if a person signs his/her letters and emails _only_ with his/her first name, I think it's natural to call that person with the first name even if the person is Japanese.

One sure way is to ask her what she wants to be called.

When I first arrived in Japan I was interested to notice that my co-workers would introduce themselves to me with their given names- "Hi, I'm Keiko/ Hiroshi", and then turn around and introduce themselves to their new Japanese co-workers using their family names.

A lot of Japanese seem to prefer to use their given names with foreigners, although I have come across exceptions to this, usually men who only give their family name. Generally foreigners aren't expected to conform to Japanese rules and especially as far as names go there seems to be separate rules for us! It depends on the situation too- in many companies family names plus san are used at work even with foreigners.

Although the culture I come from is very informal, I would never call anyone near my grandparents' age by their first name and I follow the same rule in Japan- in the case of someone over 70 I definitely use family name plus "san".

Thanks for all the replies, it seems clearer now.

But, would I be called Brian-san or Gillmore-san?

My guess is that, when you introduce yourself and ask them to please call you Brian, the Japanese colleagues will (at least when speaking in Japanese) probably start calling you "Brian-san," seeing that your preference is to be called by your first name but being hesitant to just call you "Brian" because they might not be used to calling each other only by their first names.

As above, it totally depends on how you introduce yourself (remember never to call yourself Brian san or Gillmore san though!). If you are a student or talking with friends almost certainly people will call you Brian or Brian san or possibly Brian kun. Some of my Japanese friends add san (or chan since I'm female) to my first name, others don't.

If you are working however it may depend on the company or the co-worker as to what you are called.

This question might have already been answerd but I was to lazy to read everytnhg, but what is the dirrfence between -kun, -chan,-san? (sorry if I didnt spell them right)

Quanda,

what is the dirrfence between -kun, -chan,-san?

All explained here...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_titles

Brian, the Japanese custom of using family name first is a very good one and is used in many countries. I grew up in Europe and whenever someone ask "what's your name?" the answer is always the family name. Even school kids (from grade 1 on)are called by their family name by the teacher. When parents call their own child by the family name "Smith we have to talk" this means big trouble is in the air. Japanese use "san" to show respect for the other person, the way European use Mr. or Mrs. This is even done with long time neighbours and co-workers (in both parts of the world). North Americans are very informal, which is nice when you know people well, but this feel rude and condescending at times, for example when an office worker who has never seen you before look at your file, ID papers etc. and call you by your first name.

Sensei 2, that depends on the person and the culture. In NZ we are very informal, and it is perfectly natural for someone I don't know yet to call me by my first name. It would be very odd for a new co-worker in my home country to call me Ms. Familyname- I would be quite taken aback, especially if they were the same age as me.

The only coworkers I have ever called Mr./ Mrs. Familyname were far older than me- 60 or over. For anyone younger in NZ it is in no way rude or condescending to use their first name- it is friendly and welcoming.

Since my actual first name is fairly long, many people will start calling me by one of the shortened versions straight away- I also have no problem with that, although a few people might- that is an area where we have to be careful sometimes.

So we can see cultural differences can be very wide, even between the so-called Western cultures.

Sira you are absolutely right of course! this why when people ask in the relationship section on this site: "is it cultural because he-she is Japanese" it is not always so. I lived in France (and Germany) for years and when I went to French-speaking Quebec it was a total cultural shock! everything was 100% different. I felt more at home in Japan than in Quebec.