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Does he feel obligated? 2007/12/13 16:33
The other day I mentioned to a friend of mine that I wanted to live in Osaka, but I was having trouble finding a place to stay.

After that he said that I could live in his house in Osaka for a month, and during that time look for a place to stay. This seems like quite a stretch, and I was wondering if he felt obligated to let me stay because of the fact I mentioned it to him.

Japanese culture is different from American culture. I know that complimenting someones belongings in Japan often carries the meaning of you wanting them to give it to you, rather than it being a simple compliment. So I was curious about his decision.

A little background about us, we have only seen each other once and have known each other for 2 years. We were supposed to meet each other again while I was in Hiroshima, but we weren't able to. We talk on Mixi and he texts me often. When I met him, I had gone to his apartment in LA and we hung out for a while.

He seems to care about me, but every now and then we go through long periods of no communication.

I'm also curious if him allowing me to stay in his home (which only he and his younger brother live in) is his way of bringing us closer. I don't know, it just seems odd for a 22 year old to open his home to an 18 year old American girl, especially in his culture.
by niko-chan  

. 2007/12/13 19:05
If you are sacrificing a lot of things to visit and stay in Japan, apparently, Japanese people are obliged to assist you in attaining that goal and fulfilling your dream provided they have room to spare.

That is one part of the Japanese culture that differs from other culture.

For some reason it sounds as if I pulled this one out from my sss but actually this was one of the discussions we held with Japanese friends. They would therefore expect the same if they were to visit your country. So if my friends came over I'm suppose to let them crash at my place until they settle somewhere else, provided its convenient enough.

However you being a girl and him being a 22 y.o. man might have other reasons for him to offer you accommodation. Who knows.
by Blanc rate this post as useful

think American 2007/12/13 20:42
Niko-chan, if you both were based in American culture in one way or another, you should think about this in American standards, because at least I can say that it is very unnatural in Japan for a 22 year old male to let a 18 year old female live in his (assumingly) small apartment for more than a couple of days.

Maybe he considers this as the "room share" which a lot of younger Japanese people are starting to be accustomed to nowadays, and maybe he thinks it's okay since his brother is living there too. You never know. But then, I would wonder if the brother is really okay about this, or his parents for that matter.
by Uco rate this post as useful

All depends 2007/12/14 06:29

First: I have friends in Japan that have in the past and still offer their place to me. We are talking from one to four weeks. So that may not be odd.

I mayself have made my space available to friends that visit and have relocated to New York. Then again I have room.

Secondly: Uco makes a few good points. I would also wonder if he has other motives and if the arrangement is okay with his brother. Less so hie parents unless they pay for the place.

Thirdly: Ask him about how he see the arrangements and what if anything it means.

by tenshi rate this post as useful

. 2007/12/14 13:09
Actually, he hasn't lived in America very long; he can hardly even speak English.

When he told me that I could say with him and his brother, I asked him if he could ask is brother about it first. Naturally, I didn't want to intrude unwantingly on their family life.

He's actually told me that he has houses all over Japan.. I do not know if the place where I will be staying is a house or an apartment, though.

But is it really normal for a male to invite a female in like that? He also offered me the place immediately after I had mentioned it.

One of my worries is how to behave at his place... I've never lived with just a guy before.
by niko-chan rate this post as useful

no 2007/12/14 16:09
"But is it really normal for a male to invite a female in like that?"

Like I said, not at all, especially the female being as young as 18 and the male being an "ideal age" like 22. It's also not normal at all for a 22 year old to have "houses all over Japan". Usually you don't have any except for your parents' you might live with.

Just answering your question.
by Uco, being a Japanese woman for 46 years rate this post as useful

. 2007/12/14 19:20

You are the one who knows your friend best and therefore what his intentions might be. If he has never shown any sign of wanting anything other than friendship i wouldn't worry about alteria motives. Just be glad you have a friend there willing to put himself out to help you.
by Lazlo Woodbine rate this post as useful

. 2007/12/17 20:11
About him saying he has homes all over Japan, I do not doubt that at all. The reason is, because he was only staying in Los Angeles temporarily on a short stay, yet when I went to see him he was driving an extremely expensive and "sporty" car. I never asked him but, I thought it was weird to have a car like that when you're visiting the country.

Anyway, there have been a lot of things I've been willing to ask him but truth is, the language barrier makes it difficult. The first time we met, we hardly said a word.

But I do feel completely safe with living with him, I am not worried that he would do something terrible to me or anything.

I was just worried that I might be taking advantage of his kindness by staying with him. Japanese IS, an unspoken language, afterall. :)
by niko-chan rate this post as useful

cannot judge, is what we're saying 2007/12/18 11:43
Niko-chan, we know you're just worried that you might be taking advantage of his kindness by staying with him, becaues Japanese is an unspoken language, afterall.

And what a lot of us are saying is that he can't be judged by "normal" standards. I do believe you when you say he seems to have houses all over Japan, and IF SO, he is not a normal 22 yr old Japanese AT ALL.

I personally would be scared of outrageously wealthy guys like him, but that's just me.
by Uco rate this post as useful

I was just wondering 2007/12/19 21:35
Again I am not posting on behalf of the Japanese culture, but I was just wondering. If he has houses all over the nation, why would he insist on having you stay _with_ him when he could simply rent one of his houses to you for a month?
by Uco rate this post as useful

Is it abnormal? 2007/12/20 07:29
Even in Western culture there are similarities. No one would leave a friend to fend for themselves, and if you ever have a friend that really admires something that you possess, then you know what to get them for their birthday or something like that. Don't confuse apathy for culture.

There are many things it could be, to rush to conclusions so fast is "abnormal". He could simply be protective and doesn't want an 18 year old girl to be all alone in a strange place. And if he owns homes all over the country, chances are they aren't studio apartments, they are likely multiple room set ups. Now there are those that may argue that since he's a bachelor, he wouldn't mind a studio apartment. That would be overlooking the fact that he showed up in a fanciful car the last time. This lends to him being more of a buyer of fine things, and he would need multiple rooms for all his furnishings and such.

of course the other possibility is what the previous posters have said in a round-a-bout way.... He WANTS you .... but in the end it's up to you... If he tries anything, annihilate his hopes of success. To a man that is cowardly enough to try something like that, there is nothing more unattractive than a strong willed woman.

If you really want to be cautious, have your MACE with you.... Either type, the spray, or the medieval steel pronged blunt instrument. They'd likely both be effective ;P
by Lazagna rate this post as useful

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