Finished at 30?

Ifve just watched a Japanese film eNiji no Megamif or eRainbow Songf.

Part of the story concerned a brief relationship between a 24 year old male and a 34 year old female divorcee. The thing is, she lied to him and led him to believe that she was only 26. When he eventually finds out he throws he out. (It isnft revealed as to whether this is because of her age or for lying to him or both).

But my question is, is being single at 30+ (and especially if divorced) really a huge social stigma in Japan?

I have noticed in other places on the internet (such as comments posted on the JapanToday news website) that being unmarried by the time you reach 30 years old is almost unthinkable. Also in other Japanese TV and movies I have noticed a theme of panic matchmaking when single females get to there late twenties

It would be fair to say that here in England you are not likely to win an award if you are not married (or at least in a serious cohabiting relationship) by the time you reach 30. But it is not exactly thought ill of.

I know Japanese who are divorced, but I haven't met any divorced Japanese who have remarried. Just my observation.

Phil,

Traditionally, that was the case, but nowadays, I don't think there is any more stigma than would be the case in the west. TV dramas and the like do tend to exaggerate some aspects of society, so may need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Ha! Being MARRIED by the time you reach 30 years old is almost unthinkable in Japan nowadays, if you ask me. Well, that might have been a bit of an exaggeration, but it is a known fact that the average marriage age, in particular for women, has greatly increased (although surveys tells us the increasing has stopped).

I haven't watched the film on topic, but I would assume that if a guy as young as 24 had been dating a women who he believes to be about the same age finds out that she's 10 years older and had had more experience than he'd thought, that would be shocking for him.

But of course the movie wouldn't say. It's up to the viewer to judge what they were thinking. And she, like many movie characters around the world, probably thought that she could "get him in her hands" if she told her that she is more of a "familiar" being. To her it would've been better than to tell the truth from the beginning.

But recently, there was a Japanese TV drama series called "Around 40" in which according to promotion was supposed to reflect typical examples of Japanese women around her 40s in this era of 2008. One of the characters was a 40-ish female psychiatrist who had always been proud about her age, and she falls in love with a therapist in his 20s, and dispite some generation gap, the drama implies they are seriously heading for a happy marriage.

But I think that being a divorcee, be it male or female, can sometimes be a disadvantage in Japan, not when you're seeking an affair but when you're seeking marriage. This is mainly because the parents of the parter would be worried it may happen again. But I can tell you countless examples of Japanese people being re-married, some over and over again, some once in a lifetime.

Also, matchmaking in Japan is as common as gettng to know someone at a party in the West, so when conservative parents give you an offer, she or even he would often challenge to seek partners through several match-makings.

"It would be fair to say that here in England you are not likely to win an award if you are not married (or at least in a serious cohabiting relationship) by the time you reach 30. But it is not exactly thought ill of."

I can say it's about the same here in Japan. Some people might think it's a tragedy not to have any relationships at 30, but most people don't care, and certainly many would have not yet be married.

Thanks for those responses. So basically, there is some basis in the notion that single at thirty is bad, but that itfs not so much the case now as it used to be.

As I had said, apart from the film which I appreciate isnft the best source of learning about real Japan, I had perhaps most of all got this idea from commenterfs on the Japan Today website where whenever a story about a celebrity or talent appears, there is often mention of them marrying off at thirty before itfs too late. I think Ebi-chan was the most recent case I recall. But most people who post on there seem to be in every respect very anti-Japan, for reasons I canft understand. Ifd give my right arm to experience living there!!

I know divorced Japanese people who have remarried- it's not that rare, but most people wouldn't talk about it a lot,

TV dramas exaggerate the idea that you should be married by 30, like they do most things, but I do have a friend who on reaching 30 was basically told by her father that he expected her to be engaged within the year.

I also know plenty of people well into their 30s who are still unmarried, although my Japanese friends do tend towards the slightly alternative.

The "Christmas cake" thing where you had to be married by 25 is so outdated now as to be laughable.

I think celebrities say "before it's too late" just for fun. Engagement/marriage announcements are happy moments and entertainers try their best to say something catchy instead of the lame "because I love him so".

But at the same time, I'm quite sure that many females are concerned about their biological clock. Most people want children (even though surveys say that birth rate is still dicreasing). I mean, not everyone can get pregnant the day after the wedding. Human bodies just don't work like that.

The "before it's too late" line reminded me of someone I know very well: My spouse. He was hoping to get married within a year or so. I asked him why and he said, "Well, it would be nice to be married while I'm in my 20s." But my father insisted we date an extra year and my fiance had no problem with getting married at 30. But that was some 20 odd years ago.