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Staying at a 'friends' house? 2008/9/1 06:42
Hi all!
This is a very hard question, I know .. but I am in need of someones opinion, I've been thinking about this for quite a while now!

I am planning to study japanese in Japan this spring, and I've been planning and thinking alot about which city to choose for quite some time .. I have been to Tokyo and loved it, so that was one of the options but recently another japanese town has taken overhand - the problem is that I have not been there and I have no idea of what it Really is like (reading and looking at pictures cannot ever make me understand fully).

I have someone in this town which I know a little (a japanese male), I met him in Tokyo for about a weeks time. He worked at the hostel where we lived - we used to talk regularly, have a good time and one night we even went out together.

I now have e-mail-contact with him, and for some time ago I asked him about this town as a town to study in, he told me that it would be great for various reasons but if I could it would be best if I could visit one time first before I settle my plans.
So here comes the question - would it be very awkward if I asked if I could stay at his place during this short check-out stay? It feels kind of awkward actually, very pushy and I'm not usually like that, it is so much to ask for - but I would most certainly pay him for the stay, buy my own food and of course not expect him to be with me and guide me all the time .. just to be able to sleep there for some nights? Oh my, it's such a personal question I know, it all depends on him and all .. but what would you have done? How could he possibly react?

Thankful for your opinions! :)
by Rose  

... 2008/9/1 11:00
If I were in your shoes... not knowing what kind of environment he lives in (a small apartment, a big apartment, a house with his parents? etc.), and considering that even though you've turned into somewhat of friends still you were hostel staff and a guest, I would not ask him of such favor, but instead just book a hotel room in that town on my own. "Business" hotels aren't that expensive. Or you could ask him if he knew a nice hotel in the area, and see what he says.
by ... rate this post as useful

the most important factor 2008/9/1 17:58
Rose, you haven't told us the most important thing. Are you male or female? Assuming from your name you are a female. In Japan, it is not that common for a person of opposite gender to stay over. Of course there are plenty of exceptions, but I would be most concerned about what his parents think and moreover what his girlfriend or potential girlfriend would think.

As mentioned, asking if he knows a good hotel sounds like a good idea. And if he turns you down in any way, no hard feelings.
by Uco rate this post as useful

Yes .. 2008/9/2 01:21
Thank you for your opinions! Yes Uco, I am a female, and it could very well seem like I have intentions of something other than just sleeping there .. I am so aware of this, but it is not the case.
At first I thought about saying something like "If I pay you, maybe I could sleep on your toilet or something?! :D" and see how he replies, but I think it will be best as you say - I ask if he can recommend a good place to stay in the area :)
Thanks again!
by Rose rate this post as useful

Another thing 2008/9/2 02:33
Also, I know this is off topic but I have gotten some doubts.. would you have done such a thing - coming to visit this city for a short period to make up your mind? The journey would not be particularly cheap, and I probably should save the money for the year of studying .. but I am not sure! Do you think it would be 'unnecessary' to spend alot of money on such a thing?
by Rose rate this post as useful

My opinion... 2008/9/2 18:38
If he is working at a hostel, chances are his own residence is going to be a pretty small apartment. A lot of Japanese live in very small quarters and for two people, you pretty mu ch have to be intimate. The idea of a "spare bedroom" is Western, not Japanese.
by Aki rate this post as useful

1R 2008/9/2 21:44
That's true. He may well have only a very tiny one room apartment- that's typical for young single guys. In that case it could be a bit awkward for you to stay.
by SHU rate this post as useful

... 2008/9/2 21:54
Rose,

That's simply up to how you feel. I don't know how much money/how much time and trouble you are talking about, but if you feel that you are attracted to another city for a good reason (a completely different region, weather, culture, etc., compared to Tokyo, or you know of another school there with good reputation, etc.), why not, you should have a look! If you feel it's only to have a look, and maybe if it's a place you could just go visit later, and maaaaybe if it's just the thought of visiting that guy that is tickling you, if it's just that, maybe you should save the travel till later.
by ... rate this post as useful

don't do it 2008/9/3 02:21
don't do it unless you plan on being his girlfriend (or "getting intimate") with him. there is no other way he is going to think about it. come on a girl in a guy's tiny japanese apartment?

find a different place to stay. try couch surfing. look it up on google there are a few couch surfers all throughout japan north to south.
by winterwolf rate this post as useful

Hey Rose 2008/9/3 06:42
If you would like to stay at his for whatever reason...

Why not say, that you have decided you are going to be staying in his city.
Can he recomend a good local place thats near him so that you can hook up,be close to someone you know, keep in touch/whatever.
Personally I wouldnt ask such an intrusive question.
But I see no harm in dropping hints :D
by Tommy Two-Tone rate this post as useful

. 2008/9/3 07:58
agree with other posters on this one

Japanese don't host guests, even for dinner as often as many other countries, and having a staying guest is not that common. It could happen if you know somebody quite well, as in a friend of the family, but in your situation, it's not done.

The 2 possibilities are, as mentioned, 1)he lives with his family, as many Japanese do even well into their 20s, or 2) he lives on his on, but in a cramped small apartment.

Do what the above poster said, and politely ask if he can suggest reasonably priced accommodation. Good luck!
by Kazuyuki78 rate this post as useful

Wow, so many answers 2008/9/3 17:40
I totally understand what you're saying .. it is probably a very small apartment, and it would indeed look a bit weird ;)
It is so great to be able to ask these things here, I get so much great input! Thanks everyone!!

And couchsurfing sounds like a good idea winterwolf, I checked it out, had never heard about it before. Maybe I could do it, seems great!

And Tommy Two-Tone, that's a good idea too .. that doesn't seem too pushy :) Great!

Thanks again everyone! /Rose
by Rose rate this post as useful

Something 2008/9/15 01:32
Funny is, he actually asked me if I wanted to stay at his place with him some days ago ... which I'm very happy about :)
by Rose rate this post as useful

my two cents 2008/9/15 17:46
some people say that staying overnight at a friend of opposite sex is not common - NOT TRUE Among college friends, it happens a lot as long as they are good friends and trust each other. HOWEVER, if you hardly know the guy, i would say you should stay at a budget hotel or hostel nearby. Of course its possible that the guy is just trying to be nice, but its also possible that hes expecting something else. If you really think youre scure staying at his place, then you shouldnt worry about you being rude to ask him for an accomodation.
by jay rate this post as useful

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