Home
Back

Dear visitor, if you know the answer to this question, please post it. Thank you!

Note that this thread has not been updated in a long time, and its content might not be up-to-date anymore.

dotakyan 2009/1/7 14:42
In the U.S., doing a "dotakyan," a last minute cancellation is very, very rude when you are just gettin to know someone. I have had two people do this to me on our second or third meetings with Japanese people (lanuage exchange not date).
I was surprised that they actually thought that it was ok to come up with some excuse about having a cold (apparently a standard Japanese excuse). I say they thought it was ok, because they contacted me again to schedule something another meeting. Frankly, I am pissed off enough such that I am thinking about just ignoring them.

Last minute cancellations can't be acceptable in Japan, can they? I would guess that it's a disrespectful thing to do in any country.

by in USA  

... 2009/1/7 15:20
No, last minute cancellations are not polite in Japan either.

Obviously its most polite to cancel/reschedule as soon as possible; however, last minute cancellations are a fact of life. People do get sick (it is the flu season) and emergencies happen. Would you rather they kept the appointment and gave you the flu?

Anyway, I say be the bigger person and give them the benefit of the doubt this time. I don't thing ignoring them would productive and would be rather rude in itself.

Good luck, I hope it works out in the end.
by me rate this post as useful

Valid excuse? 2009/1/7 16:16
You are perfectly sure they didn't really have colds? And would you have wanted to meet up with them if they did have colds?
by Sira rate this post as useful

. 2009/1/7 23:12
Yes, "dotacan" is rude, IF it was because she/he simply changed her/his mind at the last minute. I don't think having a cold was just an excuse. Maybe she/he wasn't feeling well but didn't want to get into personal details. At least they are reaching you to reschedule. If this absolutely not acceptable to you, tell them you would rather find a new language exchange partner and move on, so that they can find someone more understanding.
by . rate this post as useful

Thanks 2009/1/8 06:30
Thanks for your reactions. In at least one case, I accidentally bumped into the excuse-making person the very next day. She looked fine to me. It must have been the 4-hour flu.
by in USA rate this post as useful

That's acceptable and normal in Japan 2009/1/8 11:41
It's very normal for a Japanese human being to have high fever one day and get perfectly well enough to go to work or school the next morning. Colds and relatives' death are the top two reasons that are acceptable for dotakyan in Japan.

If the same person makes last minute cancellations repeatedly, that's something to consider about. But if it's just once or twice a year and you are notified as soon as possible, a typical Japanese would usually let it be.
by Uco rate this post as useful

normal 2009/1/9 15:06
Last minute cancellations are a fact of life, even in the US. You seem overly upset by the issue.
by Tilt rate this post as useful

How often? 2009/1/9 15:51
I still don't think you can be sure that either of them was lying to you. As Uco says, 24-hour colds and fevers do exist. I have felt before like I was coming down with a cold, only to wake up fine the next day.

If someone made a habit of last minute cancellations, i.e. did it to you 3 or 4 times within just a few weeks or months, then you might have something to be annoyed with them about.

If it's only happened once so far with each of them and they have not made a habit of it, then I think you have unreasonable expectations of other people.

Even if they were telling white lies about the reason for the cancellation, in adult life things will come up that mean people have to cancel an appointment suddenly, or they may just be very tired after working all day/week and not feel they can contribute well to your language exchange in that condition.

Don't make any judgements unless they make a habit of it.


by Sira rate this post as useful

maybe... 2009/1/10 00:56
Perhaps you are right. I would say that I am probably upset because I am observing a pattern among the group of Japanese people I know. When I look at these dotakyan collectively, and the same lame excuse "I have a cold," I begin to think that this is just common practice in Japan. Maybe I am blaming people individually unfairly.


by in USA rate this post as useful

Lol...happens everyday in Japan 2009/1/27 15:00
Japanese are the best for last minute cancellations. I'm surprised you haven't had the stomach ache excuse yet, seems to be another popular one, as well as "my baito boss has called, and I must work....hontoni..I'm so sorry" :)

youkuso nihon
by Stood-up (guest) rate this post as useful

in the real world... 2009/1/30 11:49
Are you saying you don't believe that they might be called by their bosses and asked to work extra hours?

I work at several part time jobs and this happens to me often- just yesterday in fact. My supervisors often call me and ask me to cover for someone who is sick or to do extra hours because there was more work than they expected- it really does happen.

Do you really expect them to tell their bosses "Sorry, I can't come, I have a language exchange/have to meet a friend"?

If the person is female, did you consider she may have stomach cramps but not want to say so outright, or not know the exact word in English? It's hardly surprising that would be a regular excuse now, is it- once a month perhaps?

People have to work, sometimes get sick, and you may not be their first priority- you might just have to learn to live with that.
by Sira (guest) rate this post as useful

Off topic 2009/1/30 13:13
This has been discussed before, but strangely foreign people do tend to make more last minute cancellations, often without notice, and it's not only about the Japanese who is foreign.

I'm a local Japanese and used to organize cultural exchange gatherings in my town. I can't tell you how many times expats have promised to come and play an important role, than cancelled on the day for an excuse they didn't even try to explain about. I have a friend who volunteers to show around foreign tourists in Tokyo, and she is sick of the many people who mention on emails that they'd come, and then don't show up. And I really don't know why these things happen.

But still, that doesn't mean that all last minute cancellations are lies, and I'm sure there's some kind of misunderstanding in a lot of the cases. Meeting different people do need a lot of patience, especially when you vaguely know the other party. Sometimes you're speaking the same languages but you're really not.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

reply to this thread