Need help reading Sakura Momoko

Currently I'm reading a book by Sakura Momoko and there's a passage I don't quite get. The sentence isn't difficult language-wise but I'm not sure if I understand what it means.

The context is as follows: Momoko is 4 years old and has stolen a few plastic beads from her friend in a weak moment because she thought they were so beautiful. Her friend has a lot of them so she doesn't find out. But when Momoko realizes what she has done she bitterly regrets and is totally disappointed in herself.

She thinks: もう私は人間として失格だ。ドロボーなんて、合格なわけがない。死んだらもちろん地獄へ落ちるだろうし、待っているのは血の池や釜ゆでだ。

Now I'm wondering what is meant with 合格 in the second sentence? Is Momoko referring to not being able to succeed in life in general now that she is a thief, or is she worried that she won't be able to go to heaven because she has committed a sin? Or is there possibly another interpretation that I didn't think of?

Any help is much appreciated!

I'm a big Sakura fan and, of course, I remember this episode.

Generally, you are correct. First of all, "ningen-shikkaku" is a common phrase meaning "a total failure (as a human being)." The phrase is also used in versions like "onna-shikkaku (failure as a woman)" or "kyoushi-shikkaku (failure as a teacher)" or many others, and is often used seriously as well as jokingly. For example, you can say "Gosh, I totally forgot my boyfriend's birthday. I'm girlfriend-shikkaku."

But literally, "shikkaku" means "fail" as opposed to "goukaku" meaning "pass." So she is practically saying, "I have failed of being a (decent) human. Surely, I can't have passed the test of being a human since I have commited theft." A fan would realize that this is another great part of the Maru-chan world where she, as a young child, naturally exaggerates the tiny things she encounters. We all were like that when we were young.

In Japan, hell is generally believed to be a place with ponds of blood and big pans waiting to boil you alive (or dead, I must say).

So it's not an "or." She is a failure as a human because she committed a sin of theft, and ALSO those who have committed a sin will go to hell.

Btw, the great part of Sakura essays is that each of her episodes always ends with a sweat and heartwarming message, don't you think?

Thank you so much for this really helpful answer! I'm glad I finally understand this sentence.

Yeah, Sakura Momoko's stories are so much fun to read. They're typical Japanese in a way and great to learn some interesting things about Japanese culture, but at the same time they are so universal. They can be enjoyed by everyone because above all they're about being human, about experiences and feelings that we all more or less share.