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how common is divorce in Japan? 2009/5/13 14:34
I am friends with a married Japanese woman who seems to indicate that she thinks she might have made a mistake marrying her Japanese husband 2 years ago. It seems a marriage of practicality that happened because she happened to hit 30 years old. They don't have special feelings for each other, and they both make about the same income. She's kind of the majime me.

In other words, nothing is terribly wrong, other than maybe she seems to have settled for less than what she probably hoped for originally from an emotional and financial standpoint. Forever is a long time to live with not really being happy. No kids yet. Things will get worse financially if they have kids.

What's the probability that a Japanese woman would divorce and just become single? She can support herself. She seems to fear that society would think something is wrong with a divorced woman.

I really like her, but she's not available. I guess I'm wondering whether your average, educated Japanese woman with a career might just decide to go it alone.

by Mr. B (guest)  

divorce not unusual 2009/5/13 21:35
I think if she really wanted to, she would pursue a divorce. It is not uncommon, but perhaps her family is more conservative, so she hesitates. Yet again, perhaps she is unsure of either your or her own feelings and does not want to complicate her current situation.
by Tilt (guest) rate this post as useful

. 2009/5/13 22:16
According to the Japanese Ministry, Japan's divorce rate is 2.04 as of the year 2006, while Korea is 2.6 as of 2005, the U.S. 3.6 as of 2005, Italy 0.73 as of 2003, Britain 2.8 as of 2003.
http://www.mhlw.go.jp/toukei/saikin/hw/jinkou/suikei06/...

But marriage has its ups and downs. Married at 30 and regreting it 2 years later? That happens all the time, whatever country you're from. I think public image has very little to do with it. Surely, forever is a long time to live with not really being happy but you never know if it's forever or not. If there isn't anything particularly happier at this moment, why the rush?
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

thanks 2009/5/14 10:01
That's interesting. I imagined that she would persevere with the marriage (gaman suru?) no matter what, now that she is married. I find it interesting that, although she says that doesn't she particularly love her husband (and she doesn't hate him, either) and misses her single life, she does her best for him because she entered into the contract. I think that's definitely not the American way of doing things of doing things (or not) from the heart. Maybe she's just accepting that her relationship *IS* the average marital relationship in Japan, i.e. more practical than emotional, it seems.

Well, I'm not the type to want to be the one to potentially start the end of someone else's relationship, so I guess I will just have to wait and see if she gets unhappy on her own. That may never happen, as it seems she has just a low-level of dissatisfaction.

It's probably not worth stirring things up and confessing could give more doubts than she has now. Maybe I'll leave a hint that I like her and that maybe under different circumstances things could have happened. It sounds like this is the road to nowhere, if no one says anything strong, but I would also need a stronger signal from her, which she would probably never give me, even if she liked me, since she's the proper and majime type.

All and all. It was worth considering. You never know when you will meet your soulmate. I guess it's just bad luck if she's married to someone else already.
by Mr. B (guest) rate this post as useful

What is happiness 2009/5/14 12:44
I think that's definitely not the American way of doing things of doing things (or not) from the heart.

Are you sure? Have you ever been married? If divorce is so easily done, why would Americans marry in the first place? They can just be boyfriends/girlfriends and break up whenever they want like Japanese single people do. I don't see anything wrong with divorce. I have lots of Japanese friends who are divorced. But I don't think you can really judge a marriage by it's cover.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

probably not 2009/5/19 15:18
My J-female friends almost all would prefer to stay in the marriage and have kids rather than go it alone. I think very few Japanese women would consider a life alone (above 40, that is).
by Kawasaki (guest) rate this post as useful

Living Free 2009/5/19 19:55
I think very few Japanese women would consider a life alone (above 40, that is).

Well, there's always the so-called "jukunen-rikon (middle-age and the elderly divorce) :)
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

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