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Culture differences when talking 2009/5/16 12:46
Hello everybody!

To begin... the question is really silly.. but I can't help, but think it is a cultural question.

I would like to ask for opinion if possible of a Japanese person.

My boyfriend is a Japanese guy. He is so nice to me and sweet.

We have differences communicating and I just try to understand the thinking behind his way to talk to me.
It is important to know, I want to know how to talk to him.

So the differences are:

me: when I with a boyfriend, I feel free to email or text him reasonably any time. In email I can start talking about what happened, without my boyfriend asking me a question about it or start a new topic. Also I do not always necessarily wait for an email back, and if I miss him, I can sometimes write an email without waiting for his answer.

And him:
he Never Never writes an email to me without me first answering him back. If I will not answer his email 2 weeks, he will just wait for me and then sends me a nice email.

He never initiates a conversation. He only answers my questions or talks about some things that arevery related to what I asked or wanted to know.
I respect his way, but I want to know why??!!

Some times emails get lost, sometimes I am too busy to answer, but I wanted to write, or maybe I even will change my mind and will not want to date him.Or maybe I will be sick and will not be able to contact him.

Will he just wait for my email and never tires to find out what happened, I wonder?

Please give me your opinion: is it a usual way to communicate in Japan, is it unthoughtful or childish to write emails without waiting for answer.

I think your answers could be: well, ask him that question?

But all things I ask him, he will do only because I ask him, not because it actually comes out of his wish.
So I prefer not to ask him, because he is studying hard and instead will be breaking his mind and wondering and trying to write those emails.

by Mia (guest)  

That's how it is 2009/5/16 20:00
I see similar posts on the Japanese internet all the time. Interestingly, all the posters are girls complaining about how their boyfriends are quiet, and not the other way around.

I think that, universally, females are generally more talkative than males, and in Japan, that difference can be a bit bigger. I remember back in the days when I was younger and the invention of cell phones were yet to come, I had a Japanese boyfriend who didn't have a phone. I often had to send a wire to him so that he would know I needed a public telephone call from him.

If you don't show up on a date, he might call you before he decides to go home, or he'll just go home and get mad at you for not calling. That's all there is to it for him.

But generally speaking, I think people in Japan usually email after they receive a reply. And when the reply is so slow, they post on the internet just like you.

Another thing is that he may be reluctant to write in a language that is foreign to him. If so, things may improve by you improving your Japanese.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

e-mail 2009/5/17 04:39
It not just the Japanese men, young men in general aren't nowhere as chatty as young women and don't feel the need to reply to an e-mail right away, ESPECIALLY when they know by experience that the girl friend may well send 2, 3, 5 e-mails in a single day! Also men everywhere are interested in facts, not feelings..
by Monkey see (guest) rate this post as useful

Don't generalize. 2009/5/17 05:48
Also men everywhere are interested in facts, not feelings..
What an insensitive generalization. My boyfriend is plenty interested in my feelings. : I don't think he's the only one either.
by Kelly (guest) rate this post as useful

... 2009/5/17 07:14
Do you communicate in English? Japanese? Writing e-mails in a language other than your native language can be difficult and time-consuming. It could be another reason for his low productivity.
by Uji rate this post as useful

. 2009/5/17 08:23
I agree with all the posts above. It is not a clutural difference. Rather, it is a female-male difference and/or a personal difference. Ask him how he thinks about e-mailing and tell him how you feel about it. It might open a new door for you and make your relationship even better.
by . (guest) rate this post as useful

for Uco 2009/5/18 12:38
Thank you very much!

Uco, now I understand more. I am also not American,I speak Russian, and we both speak English. He is very good in English though.

The way he talks and emails is fine, I just wondering if he is not viewing my out of blue emails, like something strange.
Iti s common in America for people to email without answers sometimes.
In Russia I think it is more common for girls to email without getting answer first as long as her emails are not asking the man out, but just sharing some news
by mia (guest) rate this post as useful

to Monkey see and Kelly 2009/5/18 12:44
Well, he is talkative about the things I ask him about. For example, we were talking about cars and he found many links about hybrid cars, cars in Japan, etc.

The things is that he talks about nothing else that I will ask, not news, not his own things, not his day.

So I was wondering if this is cultural or just personal.

Kelly, right, he is interested in my feelings!
by mia (guest) rate this post as useful

for Uji and . 2009/5/18 12:51
We talk and email in English, I said to him that I would like to learn to understand. But he is very very good in English and I can speak English too. Japanese so we can feel easier.

He often answers immediatelly, but it takes me a longer time, since I work much more than he now does.

Yes, so it is that he only answers my questions and email only when he gets my answer. He would never answer my 2 attempted text messages, although he said he liked them.
I understand a little from Uco's words now.
by mia (guest) rate this post as useful

you can try instant messaging software 2009/5/19 06:31
Although e-mails seem like a great way to keep in touch with people, instant messaging gives you the opportunity to communicate in real time with him, which can help increase your bond!
You can chat with him any time and you don't have to wait so long for an e-mail reply! :)
Good luck!
by ... (guest) rate this post as useful

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