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Ask for forgiveness 2009/6/18 02:02
I had a coworker a while back that was Japanese. At the time I did not understand his culture and was insanely rude because his leadership style was not like mine. After learning more about him we have become friends but I still feel really bad for by behavior and want to apologize/ask for forgiveness but want to do it in an authentic Japanese way. Does anyone know how and if there is a gift to give? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
by wileycb  

. 2009/6/18 10:38
Authentic Japanese way!? My suggestion would be to be honest and appologize straightforwardly. Don't make excuses, but just admit your faults and tell him now you really appreciate him. In a sense that can be comsidered as an "authentic" Japanese way.
by . (guest) rate this post as useful

dogeza 2009/6/18 11:03
Do you mean getting on the ground and bowing till your head nearly touches the floor as seen in many Japanese dramas?

It's called Dogeza.

and here's an instructional video that, while humourous, does show the basics:

I agree with the above poster, and think that a sincere spoken apology is more important than any physical steps.
by yllwsmrf rate this post as useful

Isn't friendship universal? 2009/6/18 18:46
Oh, please. Like everyone says, don't dogeza or give gifts or anything. It will only widen the distance between you two and your Japanese friend will feel a burden on his shoulders.

Why not buy him a beer or lunch, look straight into his eyes, explain the situation and then bow. Don't bother to stand up, but if you're a guy you can put your hands on each of your knees as you bow so that your bow will look mannish and sincere at the same time.

I don't know if you call this ''authentic'' but it certainly would be a good way to appologize to a Japanese friend in the 21st century.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

don't dogeza 2009/6/18 19:00
Yea, don't dogeza, it will likely come off as mocking. Treat his as you would any other friend and he will surely appreciate it.

Here's another video of how to bow in apology (don't do this either):
by yllwsmrf rate this post as useful

hmm 2009/6/22 11:38
Just out of curiosity, is there any time in these modern days where a 'dogeza' would be appropriate? Or is it pretty much just a cultural relic?
by Winterfell rate this post as useful

when to dogeza 2009/6/22 17:13
Just out of curiosity, is there any time in these modern days where a 'dogeza' would be appropriate? Or is it pretty much just a cultural relic?

Dogeza would certainly be appreciated in these modern days whenever the other party is happy to humiliate you. For example, if you get in trouble with a yakuza and just want to get it over with by humiliating yourself, you can dogeza. Or if you've murdered someone and the victim's family just cannot forgive you no matter what you do, a dogeza is worth trying. Otherwise, just putting away your zabuton and bowing seiza style would do.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

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