Marriage age

Love to hear opinions on this topic.

I met the love of my life (now my J-wife) when I was 18 and she was 19. By the time I was 20, I had my heart set that she's the one I wanted to marry in a few years time. She showed mutual interest marrying me, added that she would have to wait until 25 as her mom forbade her marrying any younger. Is it common for Japanese parents to discourage their kids marrying under 25?

Fast forward to Dec 2008: We got married when she was 25 and I had just turned 24. When we were in Japan, a lot of people around our age were surprised when they found out we were married. Is a 24 and 25 y/o couple out of the norm? (seems like it is as hardly any of my wife's high school buddies are married)

I don't know if it's either typical or unusual, since in Japan now marriage is very different than what it used to be when I was born 30 years ago.

Not that long ago, the parents of a woman nearing 25 who had no marriage prospects would become quite nervous. She would have been urged to either find a suitable man, or they would arrange 'omiai'.

But now, plenty of Japanese are getting married later, more women are keeping their jobs and not becoming full time housewives, and many Japanese are not getting married at all.

So, I think that at the moment in Japan, it is certainly normal to not even think about marriage until 25. Many of my Japanese childhood friends are not even married, some have no interest.

Have you heard of the term Christmas cake in Japan? No good past 25? This was used for women who were nearing the age of 25. After 25 they seem to be very anxious to marry pretty much anyone that seems like a half decent catch. They are not too picky.

Most Japanese think that he ages between 18 and 25 is kind of young to be married.

I hate to say this, but do you think that maybe your mother-in-law wanted her to wait to see if a better option came along? I think some Japanese people still prefer that their children marry other Japanese.

Either way at this point it doesn't matter as long as you both are happy.

I wouldn't say that 24 and 25 y/o couple is "out of the norm" but it would be the least combination of age that would be considered "normal."

In other words, there are a lot of Japanese people who marry younger than that and then end up regreting it because of their immaturity or lack of finance or what not.

I thought this was quite universal among advanced nations around the world.

It can be that her mom married young and now regrets it. I know a lady (not Japanese, though) who seems a bit sad because she didn't have time to work and enjoy single life before she married. Also, perhaps the people thought your wife was the kind of person who enjoys indeprendence and career rather than marrying at 25. It doesn't matter what other people think.

Totally makes sense for my MIL to have that rule then. Like any other woman, her daughters deserve the best they can get. Yes, I actually got fooled by that Christmas cake saying (a friend taking Japanese culture class told me about it)! I thought I was running out of time as she was already 22 then. So I quickly found a good time to tell her about my desire to marry her, only to be told she was forbidden to marry under 25. That totally contradicted the Christmas cake belief!

At first I naively thought that my MIL was against young marriage. But it definitely wasn't true as she didn't mind having a son in law under 25.

I thought this was quite universal among advanced nations around the world.

We live in the U.S. When I tell people here that I am a 24 y/o married man, no one is surprised. So I was a little shocked when people in Japan were surprised.

I wish people would stop bringing up that silly "Christmas cake" thing. It is at least a couple of decades old now and does not represent reality in modern Japan.

I heard recently that the average age for a woman here to marry is now around 29-30, which is actually older than the average American woman. This tells you straight off that there is no meaning in the Christmas cake analogy.

I don't think the 'christmas cake' thing is true in urban and suburban Japan anymore. maybe in more rural areas, though

I wrote:
I thought this was quite universal among advanced nations around the world.

Simon wrote:
We live in the U.S. When I tell people here that I am a 24 y/o married man, no one is surprised. So I was a little shocked when people in Japan were surprised.

I knew I was being mis-leading when I mentioned "nations". I meant to say that in the "cities" around the world, it's normal to marry older. But I guess it depends on what kind of friends you have. Even in mid Tokyo, there are groups of people who marry very young, for example the kids in Shibuya.

there is a huge difference between urban and rural areas for marriage age in japan.

the more rural the area the younger the marriage age.

in tokyo people routinely wait until they're 30 or 35 before getting married. i think the average age in tokyo for marriage is around 31 or 32 this year?

in a prefecture like miyazaki i think it's as low as 24 or 25 this year.

but foreigners tend to marry japanese girls younger anyway since there are visa complications that necessitate it. furthermore most foreign people do not have the typical japanese idea that once married the wife has to quit working and produce some children.

i'd say most western men would rather marry, have both people work and save money without kids, then later on in the relationship kids can be discussed when they're in a stable financial position.

The following table shows how the average wedding age for women developed over the past decades by prefecture. The newest data is from 2000, so you can expect the average age to have further increased since then, as the average increased by almost a year between 1995 and 2000.

There is a difference in average age between urban and rural prefectures, but I would not call it a huge difference:
http://www.ipss.go.jp/syoushika/tohkei/Data/Popular2005...

In 2000, the nationwide average was 28.58. Tokyo had the highest average age at 30.08, while Fukushima had the lowest at 27.43. Osaka, another urban prefecture, had an average of 28.85. Miyazki, indeed, is towards the lower end of the rankings with an average of 27.98.

There must also be further differences between rural and urban areas within prefectures. So, I would not be surprised that there might be some rural village in a rural prefecture, where the average age is closer to 25. But that would be the extreme of the extreme.

The new Christmas cake age is 30 years old. Actually my wife was a bit older than that when I married her. You cannot believe how relieved her parents were that she got married to somebody. I think now Japanese women are more independent and want to make a life for themselves before thinking about settling down with kids and husband.

Great responses!Thanks for the link Uji.

We have been getting a lot of wedding invitations this year. It makes us feel as excited as they are. I was beginning to wonder why my wife hasn't gotten any from Japan this year considering she has a lot of friends. After seeing Uji's link, seems like they will be coming in a few years time :-)

In the marriage mood I am now in, purely out of curiosity, does anyone have a rough estimate of how many % are married by 24? by 25? in Japan.
Here in the U.S. , a good minority (30%) are married by 24. http://www.gallup.com/poll/109402/Age-24-Marriage-Wins....

Never thought that this kind of lifestyle is appealing before being convinced by several Japanese gals.
During my stay in Japan, I conversed with several gals much older than me. Most are well into their twenties. Naturally I asked them about their hobbies, job, life in general. I found that a lot of them live this lifestyle- live with parents holding a full time job paying around 250,000y/mo+overtime hours but usually not that bad. The best part is they live rent free and all their earnings are disposable. They spend their money on designer clothes, purses, shoes, upscale dining, travelling around the world. Most of them hardly have to do any chores esp those who are the only child. They want to keep this lifestyle up to around 30 or so.
Maybe I am still young but the way they explained makes it sound so appealing to me. To make a long story short, they told me they don't want to marry so early because married life is miserable compared to living with parents. They are very convincing about this being an awesome lifestyle that I am considering their lifestyle in my twenties except that I will help my parents chip in for rent and do chores.

It might sound like an awesome lifestyle, but kids that stay at home past the usual age and basically take advantage of their parents (even if they contribute some amount to the rent) are known in Japan as "parasite singles"- not particularly flattering.

Had I tried that my parents would have kicked me out by the time I was 25, I have no doubt.

a Japanese show, about this guy (Shirota Yuu) talking about girls and marriage and stuff (he wasn't getting married).

He said that some of his friends want to get married by 20... that's his opinion though. He said that he didn't want to rush things, and he couldn't give up his career at that age... and didn't think that marriage made you happy like his friends thought.

Hope this helps!