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Typical age to train a child in Japan? 2009/11/7 13:17
My daughter will be 3 in Jan. My Japanese husband thinks it's time to get her toilet trained, but I don't think she's ready yet. I remember I was still in diapers in preschool (so up to around 3.5). Is it customary to have kids trained before they turn 3 in Japan?

Also, I wonder why are many Japanese surprised that I already have an almost 3 yr old? (considering I am not that young, I will be 25 in Jan)
by Angela (guest)  

age and babies 2009/11/7 16:27
Actually, you are young to have a three-year-old in this day and age. The first of my friends to give birth was 26 when she had her daughter. Most of my friends had their first babies at 29 or older.

I think most people start toilet training toddlers at around 2.5 years, here and elsewhere. It takes time.
by Sira (guest) rate this post as useful

Maybe she IS ready 2009/11/7 18:47
Angela,

I agree with Sira. The age to start toilet-training is totally up to the parents, but in Japan, it is common to start when your child is old enough to say "oshikko (pee)" and old enough to be able to sit on the potty. This typically starts just before 2 years old or a bit later, usually in summer when the climate is better for your health and the laundry is easier. By the age of say 3.5, the child should normally be wearing ordinary panties during the day.

10 years ago, when it was common to attend kindergarten for only 2 years starting age 4, most kindergartens only accepted children who were already out of their day-time diapers. So only 3 years olds in panties attended, and by age 4 everyone were wearing panties. Nowadays it's common to start kindergarten from age 3, and the kindergartens accept those in diapers as well.

Again, it's up to the parents, but needless to say it often is easier to start when the children's friends start. But again, it can wait until summer :) By the way, in Southeastern Asian countries, I see a lot of infants who don't wear diapers in the first place, and the mother just takes them to a tree in the sidewalk and lets them do their business.

Just a tip. I don't believe that toilet training should have a clear start line. For example, when my child became old enough to understand things, I would tell him, "Hey, you peed. This is pee." as he peed while taking his shower with me. And then, as all toddlers are, he would want to follow his parent everywhere you go, so I let him in the toilet with me so that he would be familiar with the room. There are also "training diapers" and "training pants" available that makes it clear when you pee without causing damage to the floor. And the golden rule in Japan is not to scold your child for not being able to do it properly. Either way, pressuring your child will not help, but if the child has the ability, why not give use to it? I'm just wondering what makes you think she's "not ready."
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

. 2009/11/8 00:34
I think you can start tilet training whenever your child is ready. Personally my kid didn't show any signs, so I kept on waiting and waiting until he was over 3 and only a couple months before starting preschool. I decided to give it a shot and he was out of diapers in 2 weeks. So, I really think it is up to a child. It is the right time, whe he/she is ready.
by Ikuyo Kuruyo (guest) rate this post as useful

More about my daughter 2009/11/8 23:30
Thank you for the helpful responses Sira, Uco and Ikuyo.

On the readiness aspect:
She doesn't have bladder control yet. I always remind her not too pee or poop when I'm changing her and she understands, but she doesn't realise/feel that she often dribbles while I am changing her. Every morning I sit her on the potty to do no. 2. She often does and usually has another no. 2 sometime during the day. So I say she has some bowel control and no bladder control.

She no longer babbles and even corrects my Japanese pronunciation sometimes. I know my Japanese is terrible (she is even aware of it) but what can I do.. I have well passed the ideal window for learning a new language, have a baby to take care and a part time job. I still can't believe that she is aware of my poor speaking skills before being potty trained. Is this normal?

I agree with all of you. I should wait for her to gain more control before potty training. Have talked to my husband about it and he's cool with it. My husband simply thought that a child who is smart enough to correct a parent should be able to use the toilet. Maybe in most cases he is right, but I don't think it holds with our daughter.
by Angela (guest) rate this post as useful

Don't have to, but why not 2009/11/9 15:21
Angela,

If your daughter is sitting on the potty every day, I figure that's "toilet training." So what are you, or your husband, trying to do? Take off her diapers? If so, I would say that you don't have to but then why not. Try it for a day or two. She might enjoy the challenge, and I do think your husband has a point. Her language skills is a sort of a sign suggesting she MIGHT be ready for a lot of things.

As for the language, yes, it's normal to be quite fluent before you have bladder control. In fact, a lot of children "moist" their underwear even when they are much older. It's not actually that bladder control comes before toilet-training, but rather that when toilet-training comes the child tends to gain awareness and naturally begins to control her/his bladder. It's also very very very normal for children to have enough bowel control but not enough bladder control. I'm sure you've seen more kids wetting their pants than those pooping in their pants.

You can also consult to your Public Health Center (hokenjo) for more details. Every beginner mother does. A lot of them have assistance in foreign languages. I also hope you have mom friends. Mom friends are essential upon raising infants and toddlers. You can ask their opinions, too. A lot of districts also have play groups for foreign parents. Your Public Health Center might be able to provide you details on groups as well.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

. 2009/11/9 23:44
Here is what I did with my kid; I took him to a bathroom and let him sit. If he peed, I congratulated him and repeated it an hour later. If he didn't, I let him try half an hour later. I didn't think he was ready, either. But it turned out he was completely ready. It's worth a try. Good luck.
by Ikuyo Kuruyo (guest) rate this post as useful

She's bowel trained! 2009/11/29 17:33
Thanks for the tips Uco and Ikuyo. I finally got her bowel trained! We still have problems with getting her bladder trained though. She told me that she doesn't know when she has to pee. So I'm going to wait a few more months. At least I don't have to change soiled diapers now!

My daughter keeps correcting my Japanese pronunciation. I find it really strange that she is so keen on correcting me. It's a good thing, but she doesn't seem to understand that I'm already an old woman in terms of learning the spoken part of a language (it's like teaching an old dog new tricks). I keep telling her I'm almost 25, and she replies "25 is not old because I can count to 25 and more!"
I'm a little lost on how to explain to her that it is considered rude in Japanese culture to "correct" your elders. I wouldn't want her to be correcting her teacher's mistakes!

If you are a Japanese parent, do you tolerate your kids correcting you?
by Angela (guest) rate this post as useful

correcting parents 2009/11/30 00:31
Angela,

If you are a Japanese parent, do you tolerate your kids correcting you?

Yes, of course. I even say thank you. It is indeed rude to correct strangers, but I don't really think it's rude to correct your parents.

That's how kids are. They're better at learning languages, and they will correct their non-native parents whenever they can. I used to correct my Japanese parents English and so did all my Japanese friends in the U.S.

Just tell her that you're trying your best and ask her if she knows some of the difficult words from your home country or if she can say the times tables. By the way, I just tell my son I'm getting old and clumsy, older than he thinks, and that from now on his generation is supposed to build the world.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

. 2009/11/30 01:24
That's funny. My son corrects my English, too. I also learn new words from him. Like Uco, I always say, "Thank you. I learned something new." It is not correcting that's rude. It is how you say it. He always admires me when I speak in Japanese!
by Ikuyo Kuruyo (guest) rate this post as useful

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