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Confused about my Japanese Girlfriend 2010/1/1 11:31
Well it all starts in April when I studied abroad in Japan as a high school student. I ended up meeting this girl at my school and I feel deeply in love with her. I could tell that she loved me to. The day finally came in August and I had to go home. We had a teary goodbye kiss but I assured her that I would be back soon and that we should keep in touch.

So we talked on the phone almost everyday and texted each other constantly. A few months past with messages containing very strong and loving words. She always said zutto love shitene or love me forever and zutto issyoni itaiyo or I need you forever.

Well at the end of November when college entrance exams start (Which I herd are very stressful) She drops all contact all together. I finally get a hold of her and she sounds like a completely different person. 3 weeks after still no messages or phone calls. But she is persistently writing a blog which If I may mention says she wants a boyfriend like this one celebrity. I noticed her drift away from me at a very very fast rate.

Well naturally I am completely heart-broken because she was my first love and first girlfriend. I never said a mean word to her and told her how beautiful and how much I loved her everyday. I just dont know what to do or what i did wrong.

Any comments would be much appreciated
by Jackers723  

. 2010/1/1 17:18
you gave her too much love, yes unfortunately you can't do that. It's too simple for a woman's mind
by . (guest) rate this post as useful

got a responce 2010/1/2 06:57
Well I finally got a hold of her through her blog. And she was very upset to be talking to me. She said she was happy to of broken my heart because she had no drive to stay in the relationship. I don't know how someone i thought was a Angel turned into a demon.

Also what do you mean by I gave her to much love. That does not make sense. She was very special to me so I treated her to the best of my ability. I am pretty sure I did not go overkill on the loving thing but I wanted to make her feel happy.

Any comments?
I really want to hear your opinions
by Jackers723 rate this post as useful

not to be harsh 2010/1/2 07:41
but since she's young and you're young, it happens a lot to young people. Since you guys are still young, you change your mind a lot. I think I should say that lots of times, people fall out of love due to distance or any other reason not known. But since you said that you read her blog saying she was in love with some celebrity. I just have to say that in Japan, that sort of thing is super common.

by yumirikku87 rate this post as useful

Sudden change of heart 2010/1/2 09:30
I understand what you mean by they love a celebrity. I was saying that becuase she openly said she wanted a boyfriend thereby completely puting me out of the picture.

I also am aware that a person can stop loving another. But I dont understand how some can be a complete Angel and say they care about you worry about you love you and want to marry you to saying they are happy they broke your heart. And not really giving a you know what about you.
by Jackers723 rate this post as useful

. 2010/1/2 10:45
Sometimes and for somepeople love can change into hatred. No surprise there are many nasty divorces and those people once were deep in love. I am sorry this happened to you. please don't try to reason how she changed so drastically, because emotions often don't follow logics. Time is a heeler. Please move on and don't look back.

P.S When she talked about "love", I bet what she really meant was an attraction.
by Ikuyo Kuruyo (guest) rate this post as useful

Additional info 2010/1/2 12:49
You are probably right.
Just in case it matters I will tell you a few things. When I was in Japan I could tell that she did in fact deep down truly loved me. I could see it. I had a bad experience with a host family and my girlfriend was always there to comfort and help me. On my birthday she did one of the sweetest things ever in throwing me a surprise party and giving me a picture of us together framed. It may not be much but I can tell that It is not just attraction. I know it was love. She Loved me when I was Japan, She loved me when I was in America on her birthday. She cried for joy when I sang her happy birthday over Skype and cried when she opened my present.

I do not want to feel sorry for my self. Because I know I treated her like the wonderful girl she was. I know I should put her behind me, but I just can't get my self to do it :(
by Jackers723 rate this post as useful

sad to hear 2010/1/2 15:25
I wouldn't go and put all the blame on yourself. If you say she was really in love as you described, then this sudden change in heart is not all as it appears on the surface. I wonder, maybe she saw the distance as something that couldn't work out for her? And if this is the case, she was probably sad and scared to see the reality of your relationship. Explaining why she "moved on"...But if you think she doesn't have any feelings for you still, that's a lie- because I bet you she does (it's whether she wants to admit it...) Sorry for your situation, I hope you at least get in contact again and really try to find out her change in attitude.
by eliza (guest) rate this post as useful

Gotta move on 2010/1/2 15:30
As the above posters have said, this kind of thing happens to a lot of people. We've all been through it, and somehow, you get 'over' it. It may take time (a hell of a lot of time for some of us), but you will learn to eventually move on. The way to do so is different for everyone, but you will find something that will take her off your mind.

I am sorry this happened to you. please don't try to reason how she changed so drastically, because emotions often don't follow logics.

This is great advice. You could sit around for years and analyze and still not get anywhere. It will drive you insane.
Personally I have been through a similar event in my past and it took me what seemed like forever to get over. I don't know if you really ever get over it sometimes, but you learn how to deal with it and how to accept that that's just the way things are sometimes. In my case, cutting ties completely was the best thing I did. It was what was necessary for me to get over her.

You are still young, plenty of things in life to look forward to, and I know it seems hard to believe, but there are plenty more fish in the sea. Enjoy your time while young and experience everything you possibly can. You'll be right.
by Smoke (guest) rate this post as useful

so sad 2010/1/3 04:34
Jackers723 -You have a broken heart and seem such a sweet and caring guy. Many girls look for such a sweet bf. The person who wrote to you that you show too much love was WRONG! You can never love too much, only not enough.
I am sorry your heart was broken and feel you need to take a little time to heal. Then you can find a sweet girl who will not hurt your heart. In HS many girls want to love but because of immaturity or even peer pressure they want new experiences. When she is older she may regret what she did. By then you will probably find a girl who really knows how to love completely. I wish you the best. Take care! ^_^
by umikohime rate this post as useful

Thank you 2010/1/3 05:39
Thank you for all the responses, I am happy everyone took the time to give me good advice.

And thank you Umikohime; you made me feel much better deep down, I can tell that you are a very kind and caring person :)

Life certainly does have its ups and downs.

I know that it will take time to feel better. I found my first love in Japan and I am hoping to find it there again as I am about to go to College. I find that Japanese girls are the sweetest and most beautiful women in the world.
by Jackers723 rate this post as useful

Update on situation 2010/1/4 02:59
Well this morning I was awoken when I got an Email from her. The message doesn't say anything about being sorry or sad. I messaged her back and forth abit but I do not know what to do. I don't want her to be just my friend. I told her that I care about her and still deep down love her. What should I do?
by Jackers723 rate this post as useful

Be forward 2010/1/4 04:00
Guy I'm sorry you are going through this with her and she seems to be playing with you. I think you need to be real forward with her and tell her what she did is wrong and then tell her what she used to say to you in the past.

She might start to change or flip it back at you but don't back down. Let her know you are getting over her and that what she did was wrong.

It might hurt to do this to her and if she starts to get upset or cry you might break down and start with the sorry's but trust me don't let her off the hook. Sometimes you just have to show people how mean they are before they will change. Also just tell her if she wants we can try and work it out but its up to her to show you she loves you and wants to try. Because you already showed your part.

Good luck and never give up. Real love is out there for all of us and its never perfect. We just have to learn to be 50-50 and to talk to work things out.

One more thing, like an earlier poster said you can never love to much. It's impossible and if you don't try then you only lie to yourself. Take care and good luck guy...
by Tom (guest) rate this post as useful

Hmmm 2010/1/5 14:17
Utterly disagree with you Tom.

To original poster. You do sound like a caring young man. Good for you! And dont lose that.

But here's the deal. You've been burnt. Move on and stop contacting her. I'm sorry for you that it went south but it did. All you can do is take your dignity and move forward with the understanding that what happened wasnt your fault. It just wasnt meant to be.

Good luck.
by sonanokankenai (guest) rate this post as useful

don't smother 2010/1/5 16:27
One more thing, like an earlier poster said you can never love to much

while it's true you can't love a person too much, you can certainly smother a person too much
by a (guest) rate this post as useful

なんとなく 2010/1/6 03:11
Young boy, what I have to say is: this is for your growing life, even though this hurts. This will end, but the lesson you will take will be forever. Dont try to understand why, or how. Believe me, love isn`t to understand, but, to feel it. Because if you keep this in mind (why she was so bad to me?) the next girlfriend you have, you will try to be different in order to not lose her again, and it will be more complicate...just keep in mind: girls are different (even they appear became from same planet) and you are nice guy. There`s no such thing than a new day after another day! I tell you this cause my experience...Girls mean enigma, in any country this world or galaxy! 頑張って!
by Rogerjp rate this post as useful

Week later 2010/1/7 04:46
Well it has been a week. I still feel very heartbroken and sad, but I have come to terms with what has happened and have accepted it.

I dont know how long it will take to feel back to my old self. Part of me thinks that once I fall in love again, I will feel better. I think that I have a void in my life that the person I love can fill.

by Jackers723 rate this post as useful

puppy chick love 2010/1/8 08:57
dude.. at ur age i dont mind falling inlove so many times, its the fun part getting inlove in a unusual way.. anyway theres alot of bluefin fishes out there.. so have fun falling inlove...again and again...
by chargefer rate this post as useful

Um.. 2010/1/8 14:14
I am sorry for being rude, but that is a terrible piece of advise.
I do not wish to fall in love over and over again. I wish to find the girl for me and give her all the love and happiness I can. It is an amazing feeling to fall in love; so amazing that you only want to feel it once.

PS: My relationship was not puppy love, it was very true and real to me.
by Jackers723 rate this post as useful

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