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My LDR and Questions 2010/3/26 13:20

You can read this and give your advice,
Just skip down to my questions if you don't feel like reading :P

( This will be long )

My Japanese gf and I have been in a LDR for about 5 months now. We've had our ups and downs, but we've made it through those together. I know she loves me and she knows I love her.

Since we started dating, we've E-mailed everyday and Chatted every weekend. I can tell she was happy. Months went on like this for until the last two weeks of December. I went to France and told her I might not be able to contact her while I was there. We told each other we'll wait and tell about our Christmas. It turned out I could still contact her using my cousin's laptops. She was surprised and happy. she sent me an e-mail a day. She told me she's received my Christmas gift and told me she loved it. It was some candy and a silver necklace.

Near New Years day, She told me she couldn't be able to talk with me much this year because of school. We decided to create a blog together and write about our days for each other to read. Of course, she couldn't post as much, and I understood. We made new Years Promises to each other and ourselves and bid each other to stay strong for until we can talk again.

When I went back to America, I received her gift and it was a blanket for us to share once we met and a matching cellphone charm. We didn't e-mail as much as before, because of her school, But when we had the time, we spent it talking.

Near March, She was really depressed because of a fight between her parents. Her parents are divorced. Her emotions got the better of her and made her want to break up with me. She hated her father since he has scar-ed her since she was little and has a lack of trust in men. She was very afraid of me becoming like that. I told her I would never be such a guy. She didn't know what to believe anymore.

It turned out we decided to give each other rooms and take a "Break" from each other for about a year. Yes, a year. I promised I would wait for her until then. But during the first weekend of March, she sent me an e-mail saying she misses me so much and wants to make up with me. We did and continued enjoying each other like usual.

Recently she's stopped sending me E-mails and replying to them. Only a few times she has. I know she is online because of her MSN, I know she is busy studying, but she could at least tell me a simple "Hello" . Maybe I'm getting a bit paranoid and worried. And I've recently found out she is talking with some other foreigner guys from the European countries. I know she has been chatting with them while I wait for my e-mails to be hopefully replied. Some of them seem closer to her than I am since she expresses more to them than me. I'm a bit worried, but she's not the type to cheat.

Since we are both the first in a relationship, I barely have any experience in them, let alone with a Japanese girl.

I'm an Asian American and she's a half Chinese and Japanese girl. I'm a friendly man while she is a very shy and modest girl.

So My question to you the reader is

What can I do to keep our LDR Healthy?
What kinds of things/ways I can show her I love her in the modern Japanese culture?

( Thank you for your time for reading my story, unless your the one that just skipped it all. I understand the dangers of random people reading and commenting this, but I believe this site can help my lack of experience in relationships and Japanese culture and women )
by Ashita no Tsuki  

hi 2010/3/27 05:07

I'm an european man in LDR since one year with a j-girl.

It's not easy to reply to your question because I don't know her and you, but I can give you my point of view/advices.

First, I want to talk of the cultural differences. I learnt that it's something to always keep in mind that the cultural difference must not be underevaluated.

My gf is somtimes acting in a way that I would define as "cold". But with time, I learnt that it's just the japanese way to be.
For example, I sent her a white day present, I know that she liked it, but for a reason that I don't understand she didn't used/worn my present yet. A bit strange for me, but I know that it's not a problem. She will enjoy that later.

Second point is humor. Japaneses have a lot of humor, but it's sometims a different one than ours. Then don't have the same references, and they sometimes focus on things that are details for you and vice versa. It need more than 5 months to learn those things and understand japanese behaviours and way of life.

When I was in japan, one of my friend slept with a j-girl that was in LDR since several years. It's really strange.. she felt guilty and stop seeing him after having sex. I must say that that girl is NOT sending mail each day with that man like you and me.

If I were you, I would ask the question to my gf if there is something wrong.
Try to know what is happening, and maybe you will discover that nothing special is happening. Some people are just like that.. tell her kindly what you're expecting from her, ask her what she's expecting from you and it can be usefull.

you can use skype to talk, with video.
It's always better with real voice and image than only mails.

About showing your love : You said you told her your feelings allready, so you've nothing more to do from my point of view. My gf seemed happy when I told her that, but she didn't expressed as much happyness that what I was expecting. Remember... the cultural difference. It doesn't mean that they are not happy !
About the japanese way to express feeling : I can tell you how my gf told me her feelings. It is written in a kind of story about us where she is not saying clearly that using the usual words, but very strongly implied by the kind of sentences used.

For example, I had the famous "I will do that for you again and again" and "I want to be with you today, tomorow and after tomorow".
again and again, tomorow and after tomorow... that means forever for a japanese.
So you can guess that it means that the feelings behind that are strong.
Maybe you can use that kind of sentences for her too ?

My last advice to keep a LDR healthy is to think about how you will transform this LDR into Close distance relationship. Don't just wait for ages. With time, everyone can be bored of everything.

my gf and I are seeing each other each 3 months (Each one is taking the plane two times a year. It costs us at least the equivalent of 3 months of what we are earning in a year. It's expensive, but I don't care...).

Good luck.

by Marsu rate this post as useful

. 2010/3/27 23:59
Expressing her feelings to other guys is cheating, emotional cheating. Dump her and move on.
by . (guest) rate this post as useful

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