Benefits to raising a child in Japan?

I am an American woman married to a Japanese citizen that moved to the United States when he was 8. We currently still live in the US. We have a 3-year-old daughter, and when she was born we worked with the Japanese consulate in Seattle to have her registered in the Japanese records so she could have citizenship as well. We have been dissatisfied with where we live for a while now. We have considered moving to another state, but lately we've been wondering about living in Japan.

My husband has worked for about 10 years through the internet for a Canadian based company. It's my understanding that we can support ourselves anywhere that has decent internet access and a way for him to set up business legalities/details to continue receiving his salary from overseas. My husband also speaks Japanese well.

While I appreciate any thoughts concerning our moving prospects, the main concern I have in choosing a future residence is how ideal it is for my daughter to grow up there. I'd love to hear any opinions on the perceived pros or cons of raising a child in Japan as opposed to the United States. I've looked up statistics on education, crime, teen issues, etc. etc., but I'm also curious about cultural factors that aren't measured.

I'm assuming things may vary by region. Some areas we may consider are around Sendai or Yamanashi since that is where we have family. I'm not too keen on the idea of living in Tokyo.

I would look into joining both of the following Yahoo groups, MIJ (Married in Japan)and JOS (Japan Overseas Spouses) and ask there as people on both boards that can better answer your questions.

That was a bit garbled, I'll try again:

I would look into joining both of the following Yahoo groups, MIJ (Married in Japan) and JOS (Japan Overseas Spouses) as there are people on those boards that can better answer your questions.

In terms of raising kids, Japan is a great country to call home.

The insurance and ease of/access to medical care alone is reason to make the move, especially if your husband makes his living as a freelancer.
You then have a tax system (sole proprietor) that works very much to your advantage.

While violent crime is on the rise in Japan, there is no comparison with the US. The majority of the crime in Japan would be consider petty or misdemeanor offenses under US law.

http://www.nationmaster.com/red/country/ja-japan/cri-crime&all=1

Some of Japan's biggest problems are sex health and suicide. Both are rooted in a universal lack of communication that plagues the country. But that is a cultural development with which your household won't be burdened if you don't allow it.

In general there is a lack of doctors, nurses, care providers, day care, etc., so the decision about where to live is a very important one.

Also, you may find sports in Japan to be disappointing compared to the US. Baseball, soccer, swimming, golf, tennis, etc. are all available but the expenses are higher than the US and your location could mean your children have very few options.

But overall, art, music, and athletics are very will promoted and balanced throughout the school systems.
Japan doesn't spend as much per capita as some countries, but the overall balance (and lack of cuts) in curriculum is maintained.

Thinking about the kids is of course one important element if you decide to move to another country, but also make the balance about you. Your daughter will not have any problem to learn Japanese and to have friends, it will not be so easy for adults. So I would recommend to be in a place where you do not feel isolated, where you can build relations. An important thing is that Japan is (much) more conservative than US or Europe especially about the family, it is not strange to see " giri no haha" coming more and more and more to your house. If you are ok with that, fine, if you are not, think about this before. But Japan is really a nice country, and sorry for another comment, suicide and health sex is not a pleague here ! giri no haha is mother is law.

@carlos gardel

You shouldn't comment on other people's posts if you don't understand the meaning.

With 30,000+ suicides a year I think most Japanese people also consider it a significant problem. The Japanese government is certainly concerned, even if you aren't, carlos gardel.

I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned the absolutely different mental/psychological/maturity level of your average Japanese young teen girl.

No disrespect intended at all, but the average young Japanese teen has no deeper thought or ambition than to be cute, visit Disneyland for the 20th time, or find a job with a company that has a nice uniform.

Can you live with imposing that degree of cultural emptiness on your daughter?

I know I will a minor here and many people will disagree.... As a Japanese mom who is raing a child in the USA, I have to say I am satisfied. I can teach him to follow what he believes and what he likes. I have never told him because-you-are-a-boy/girl kind of things except physical differences. But then he is not going to a regular public school.... There are always pros and cons, and what makes things difficult to say one is better than the other is you can't simply compare them. Japan is good at something. At the same time the USA is good at some other things. I guess it depends on what your family values.

@ May

I think that is a dramatic generalization of quite a large group of people.

Again, this is very much about how parents raise their kids and the level of communication that exists within the home.

I also find that multicultural families have an advantage here because the parents have seen other cultures, and can offer their kids different paths.

That said, I definitely think that the social pressure on girls to be "cute, thin, pretty, popular" etc. is huge here but how is that different from life for teens in the US?

The biggest difference here is that the subculture of enjo kosai in Japan is a threat to all children and the country does next to nothing to deter it.

Here again though, it comes down to creating an environment where kids feel comfortable communicating their growing pains at home.

Can you live with imposing that degree of cultural emptiness on your daughter?

I don't agree with this one. There is no country with cultural emptiness. You must look at a bigger picture with a deeper understanding than that.

To May- How do you figure there is cultural emptiness in Japan??? Japan is filled with beautiful culture!

On the issue of suicide rates, statistically Japan is no where near the highest. There is just lots of publicity. Crime is less and don't forget life expectancy is greater in Japan than in US. It is a decision to be made with much forethought but Japan is certainly a good option and health care in Japan is not inferior.

I think Carlos G. was wise in saying you must also think of your happiness. A child is happy when her parents are happiest. Good luck on the decision!

I appreciate all the responses. I know there are pros and cons to both, (and even areas that you can't really compare) so I'm trying to avoid any rash decisions. Thanks again for the input, and I'll keep reading.

@Tilt, Thanks. I'm looking into those Yahoo groups.

kyototrans

It's not a 'dramatic' generalization. It IS a generalization, but one based on over 15 years' experience of living in Japan.

Are you really telling me you think the emotional and psychological level of your average Japanese teen-22 year old is not markedly immature compared with similar young females in the USA/UK/Aus/Canada, etc?

You're saying Japan is not a society and culture that values and emphasizes childishness in young females??

I don't put this as a criticism here, just as an experienced observation that I'm sure most foreigners would not disagree with.

My reference to cultural emptiness, of course, did not refer to ALL culture, only to the issue being discussed. Japan has a rich culture that keeps me living and enjoying life here.

But..

Without going into many more examples, I don't know how else you could describe that aspect of culture which raises young female graduates (and I've heard it many times) to talk about career choices based on this or that company's cute uniform.

I'm a Japanese of J to J marriage who lived in L.A. age 7-11, back in the early 1970s. My son is now 18 and we've raised him in Yokohama all his life. We used to belong in neighborhood multicultural family circles when my son was a toddler. I have a 20 year old niece who came back from L.A. when she was 3.

According to my experiences, I feel no difference on how easy or hard it is to raise children depending on whether it's in California or Japan, except perhaps for the fact that here babysitting is not as common as it is in the States. Also, not that I disagree with Ikuyo Kuruyo san but, living in Japan, I never felt the need to tell my son what a boy should do or what a girl should do, until he became a teenager. I also feel no threat concerning enjo-kosai except for the media-hype. Either way, the enjo kosai issue will not affect the OP's daughter until 10 years later.

But I also would like to mention that families who have the liberty to go back and forth countries tend to keep doing so. They don't necessarily consider living in one certain country forever. So all in all, if nothing else is holding you back despite the bad economy we are still suffering in Japan, age 3 might be a good time to "try" Japan, because there is less that can affect her education at that age.

To Uco,

You are right. I was actually thinking you will say that when I was typing my last post:) I should have said there is much less expectation of boy/girl things outside of your house in USA than in Japan. Once a Japanese preschool teacher in Califronia told me she told a boy who was having a hard time not to cry "because he was a boy". I was shocked as I tell my son it is okay to cry. Anyway, you are also right 3 years old is a good age to give it a shot. If anybody in Jean's family isn't happy with living in Japan, they can go back to the USA. It is always good to have options.

I always honor Ikuyo Kuruyo san's insight and I'd like to make my comment as on-topic as possible, but this is what I'm trying to say;

I feel that there are less expectations in Japan on how a boy or girl should behave like. For example, my son was a real good crier when he was little. He cried a lot and when he cried his tear drops were huge. His kindergarten teachers accepted that and they would often tell us how cute he was crying. We parents took all that for granted.

The only time I recall gender issues in kindergarten was when the children were about to graduate and the teacher (surprizingly, for me) said deliberately, "So boys will be wearing black randoseru and girls red, huh." but not exactly implying they must. And even in those days, there were kids wearing "the other color." For example, a lot of boys prefered red color in general, because the Japanese leading superheroes on TV all wore the red costume. So that was 12 years ago and nowadays randoseru comes in all different colors.

In elementary school as well, teachers made sure that students started by calling each other in -san base and no -kun base. Name lists were in "a-i-u-e-o" order, gender mixed, rather than the "boy comes first" base in which our generation experienced. This name list format goes way up to senior high school in which my son just graduated, and I'm sure it's the same in college.

But the funny thing is that, gradually, students start calling boys in -kun base as the years go by. They seem to learn to choose what is comfortable for them while taking granted the gender-free type of thinking.

Actually, anyone who have raised a child notices there IS actually a difference depending on the gender. If you put a doll and a toy car in front of some babies, not all but most boys would choose cars and most girls choose dolls. It's not about how they were brought up, but how they were born. Boys tend to like what moves and girls tend to like tiny objects.

Similarly, again not all but, boys tend to be more sensitive then girls. Girls are quite bold. I hear that that is the reason people say, "Be a man." (and you say this both in English-speaking countries and Japan). I hear that - and I must confess that I hear this in Japan but - they tell boys to be a man so that they could try to be brave, otherwise they would be left behind all the bold girls. You don't have to tell a girl to be a man 'cause they're already so :)

So what I'm saying again is that, at least today, I feel no difference between Japan and the U.S. as far as gender issues on toddlers are concerned. Some people are gender-conscious and some are not. Some people are gender-conscious for good reasons and some are not. It's not about what country you live in, IMHO.

I think the crucial point for girls is when they being to develop and establish identity in adolescence, even in the US. In general, however, fewer options are made available to girls in Japanese society and that is evidenced by the fact that some girls do make their job choices for highly superficial reasons and by the fact that many girls view bar hostessing as a desirable career. However, individual families can certainly play a significant role in mitigating negative influences in society.

first of all I believe that it is an advantage for child to be immersed in one culture at home and in another in school and outside the home at a young age, as very young children learn another language without ever thinking "why should I" etc. the way a 12 years old will do.

being born and raised in Europe and having now lived in North America for a long time I find that North American men are raised very differently than those in Europe and Japan... in North America "men don't cry"...and this is also true in French speaking Quebec. Yet in France, Italy and other Euro countries men can cry as much as they want and routinely hug and kiss males relatives and friends..even in public.

Ironically I seldom cried as a young boy and a teenager --unless I was watching a movie--and this bothered my males relatives! I didn't like team sports yet loved playing games with toy swords and guns. In my teens I quickly learned how to hunt wild birds with a rifle ..this proves Uco point that there is something in each kid, regardless of the influence of parents and the society. ..
As other have said I think that Jean and her family have much to gain by living in Japan..yet keeping ties with the USA (or another Western country....like Canada perhaps where we have a good education system, national health care etc. )