Travel with a japanese female friend?

Hello everybody

I need your advices!
During one month this summer, we (me and my japanese female friend) will travel during one month from Sapporo to Kumamoto.
We planned eveyrything : hotels/hostels, trains, activities.
We are quite close to each other and talk nearly every day for one year. We are both students in university, me in France, her in Japan.I teach her maths and physics and she teaches me japanese.
(I learn japanese to do my PHD in japan next year)
But the problem is : our age!
I am a 25 years old guy and she's only 18 years old (few days before 19).
And from what I've heard the age of majority is 20 in japan, not 18 like in most countries in the world.
So I wonder if it's ok.
She told me that their parents didn't see any inconvenients to our trip.
And I am definitely ok to meet their parents if needed, except that I will arrive only one month before starting our trip. So it will be too short to book the hotels and some crowded trains.

What should I do? Do you think it's weird?
Do japanese people get all their rights when they're 20? Or some when they are 18 and some others when they are 20 (like beer drinking and smoking)?

I really appreciate any answer.
Thanks in advance!

Minimum age requirements differ depending on the activity.

Legal age (under law)
Voting - 20
Alcohol - 20
Tobacco - 20
Driver's license - 18
Moped - 16
Consent to sexual activity - 13
(This is the national law. However, prefectural laws supersede national law on this issue but even the highest prefectural statue is 17 years old).

So, as long as you do not provide your companion with alcohol or tobacco, there is nothing legally wrong with your relationship.

If you provide her with alcohol and are caught or reported, you could be charged with with the equivalent of corruption of a minor, which is a very serious charge.

So she's free to go wherever she wants with whoever she wants as long as their parents agree.

Thank you for your useful comment. I really appreciate it.

that her parents agree?

Do you know how the girl explained about your trip to her parents?

I am glad for the birth of a young international couple, but this kind of details can be a mess if you do not treat them in proper manner; namely, the lack of the respect to the parents will create a huge problem in the future.

If you want to avoid it happens, I would suggest you to meet her parents even if they do not ask you. That is the Japanese way, and if you take the relationship with the girl seriously, you should prove her parents that you understand Japanese ethics and that you are the right guy, taking it into account that you have the disadvantage of being not-Japanese.

Does it make sense?

Good luck.

"Are your sure and how you are sure that her parents agree?"

Well I haven't talked to them yet because they don't understand english.
And it's very difficult for me to talk in japanese by phone. That's why I'd like to meet them in Tokyo.
But it won't be possible before july, and as the trip starts in the beginning of august, it'll be too short in time.
I trust her and I am sure she talked to them and apparently they're quite positive about it.
But ...

"Do you know how the girl explained about your trip to her parents?"

About the "how long" and "where", she told me that she haven't precised them yet.
So I guess they think it's a 3 day trip in Chiba (they live in Tokyo).
Of course it's not the case.
She's very mature and responsible and/however she's sure that they will accept this trip.
But if I were her parents, I won't let my 19 years old girl go for a 30 days trip with a foreigner who I met only few weeks before it starts.
May be it's me ...

"I am glad for the birth of a young international couple,"

Well we are not a couple. May be it changes something? In fact I would lie if I say that I have no feelings for her.
But letters/internet/phone you know... it's not like you have the person in front of you.
We know each other enough to travel during 1 month as "friends".
Nevertheless from an outside point of view we'll be obviously considered as a couple, as you thought too.

So you wrote:
"this kind of details can be a mess if you do not treat them in proper manner; namely, the lack of the respect to the parents will create a huge problem in the future."

And I think it's definitely true. No matter what the relation is between me and her.

"If you want to avoid it happens, I would suggest you to meet her parents even if they do not ask you.
That is the Japanese way, and if you take the relationship with the girl seriously, you should prove her parents that you understand Japanese ethics and that you are the right guy, taking it into account that you have the disadvantage of being not-Japanese."

It's wise indeed. I keep your words in mind.

"Does it make sense?"

Yes, of course. You made me think in a different way.
So I guess I have to cancel this trip, or delayed it for the next year.
Therefore, I'll be able to stay a little bit longer in Tokyo.
And I thought about renting an appartment in Kyoto from the end of august to the beginning of september. So I can ask her parents if she can come there for few days.
It would be more reasonable. What do you think?

By the way I really appreciated your answer.
Thank you very much.

"So I guess I have to cancel this trip, or delayed it for the next year. Therefore, I'll be able to stay a little bit longer in Tokyo. And I thought about renting an apartment in Kyoto from the end of august to the beginning of September. So I can ask her parents if she can come there for few days.

It would be more reasonable. What do you think?"

I think it is a prefect plan. I am afraid if it makes her upset but I believe she will appreciate your thorough considerations.

Maybe you know that Kyoto will be extremely hot and humid in that season. Hope you a nice trip and your success in the Ph.D program in Japan !

Indeed it will make her upsed but it's the right thing to do.

I spent 2 months and half last summer in Kyoto and as you said it's extremely hot and humid especially in july. It's still a very interesting city if you can stand it. ^^

Well thank you for everything. You were really helpful!

i don't quite understand why you would have to cancel the entire trip. perhaps just make a shorter trip or spend more time with the parents during the few weeks you have.

it's not difficult to make travel arrangements with a couple of weeks notice. i've done it several times. multiple cities over three weeks with less than a weeks notice.

meet the parents, make a good impression and perhaps shorten the trip. or take two trips. one short 3 or 4 day trip, see how it goes and if it goes well, then try a 10 day or two week trip later.

i think jumping in to a 30-day trip with someone you have never spent time with is not a good idea.

Thank you for your message.
Well as I have not talked with her parents yet, I can't plan anything.
I thought about inviting her in Kyoto at the end of august.
We'll discuss about that in july with her parents.
Did you travel in august? Because hotels/hostels seem to be booked at least one month in advance, don't they?

Thank you for your answer! But I don't understand.
Why would there be a scandal?
Why is it dangerous?
I mean : it's legal to travel with her isn't it?
We'll finally only spend some days in Kyoto and only if her parents agree.
Moreover as I have one month free in Tokyo, we decided to ask together the question to their parents. And her mother told me that it would be a good idea.
From my western point of view, I don't see the problem.
Can somebody give me an answer?

Thanks in advance

Dude, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You're making a big deal over pretty much nothing. I've traveled with female friends that I barely know and never ran into any difficulty.
Just plan your vacation as you originally wanted to and enjoy! Remember, she's just a normal girl; not an alien or some other unknown species. There is no specific protocol for situations like this.

Groul, you look like a mature guy, just follow with what alot of people here had advised. Meeting up with her parents is a good idea, and so is travelling with her for a few days with the parents' consent.

Dont forget to buy them gifts!

Somebody sent a message here about how it's illegal and dangerous. But it was deleted.

It was ambiguous so I wondered.

However I think it's ok.

Thanks

Hi, it seems that everything is going smooth with your trip. My little concern is, the charging system of Japanese Hotels is based on the number of the people not on the size of the room. In addition to that, each room has certain limit for the number of people to stay. Thus, it is not clear if she can stay at your room, and you may want to double check in advance how does your lodge say. If it were an apartment, there won't be any problems.

As someone wrote, there won't be any issues if she visits you and stays a couple days to see Kyoto as far as her parents clearly agree.

It is a good idea to bring some souvenirs to her, her parents, and if there is any other host, then to the host as well. I would bring sweets, traditional gifts, or photo book of where you are from. Of course, bringing something which shows your respect to the Japanese tradition is the point; not what you bring. Since you are a student, something simple should be better.

Good luck!

Hello

Thank you for your message.
I've already asked the apartment owner. There's an extra to pay, so it's possible.
Indeed it's different in Japan.
In western countries, being 1 or 2 in a room doesn't change anything for the owner so it's usually the same price especially for apartments. But last year, I noticed that in japan you pay for the number of people they live inside.
It may surprise Gaijin. ^^

That would be great.

Thank you very much for the gift ideas. I know now what to bring.
Yes! To respect japanese tradition.

Thank you again for your time.

Just to follow up ... nothing important. I was rather surprised that your landlord asks you for more for her stay. Traditional minshuku (traditional Japanese hotels) offers the meal as default, and the quality of the meals determine the rank of the minshuku, so it makes sense that they charge based on the number of the people. The modern hotels keep that custom even if they do not offer any meals :(

And "gaijin" is (I think) officially a discriminative terminology in Japan. The "correct" word is "Gaikokujin". It hurts some naive western people to understand "gaijin" as "outside people". Anyway we welcome people from abroad :)

Last year I rent an appartment from the same owner.
It was very nice, clean, wide, well located and I paid only 50000yens per month all tax and fees included for a 21m² furnished appartment.
This year I stay in his guesthouse because appartments are already all booked.
Guesthouse is even quite cheaper so I guess I can pay an extra.

Thank you for the explanations of the "extra" origin. I didn't know that.

Isn't gakoikujin a politically correct word for gaijin that is used by japanese people that you don't know?
Like for 2 gajjins can call each other gajjin or a japanese friend can call you too.
It depend on who say it and in which condtion does it?

By the way, thank you again for your answer.

I think it is a quite good deal considering that Kyoto is a popular and the hotels in that area are in general expensive. Is it possible that you tell the name?

About the Gaijin and Gaikokujin, my understanding is the following. But do not completely trust it, since I just heard from an expert about it, and it is not my expertise. And as you may agree, it is neither important.

It is the first step people take in understanding the meanings of a word to write it down the corresponding Chinese characters. If you do this, then

Gaijin = outsider
Gaikokujin = foreigner

However, - here is my guess -, this was misleading, and the reality is that Gaijin is merely a shorthand of Gaikokujin, since the meaning used in daily life are the same; namely, both mean foreigner. This can be justified also from the fact that we never call a Japanese "Gaijin" even if he/she is an outsider, and it is unnatural to assume that no Japanese is outsider.

Thus, I think 99% Japanese do not pay attention about which words to use, but as I mentioned in the previous comment that the Gaijin is "formally" or "officially" politically incorrect, and some Gaikokujin care about it.

Making sense?

This gets discussed quite often on the forums. AK has explained this well before (copied from another thread):

"Gaijin" and "gaikokujin" are not quite the same; this is more of a usage issue, rather than definition.

While "gaikokujin" is a proper term meaning "foreigner," "of a different nationality," "gaijin" as a slang has been used to refer to people who are *apparently* non-Japanese, with different skin color, hair color, eye color, or completely different behaviors, and also to highlight "they are different (from us)." Because this expression relies heavily on what people *look* like, no matter who they are, and also because this has the connotation of "outsiders" as if to ostracize "those who don't belong here," this word has been at times used derogatorily, and thus has been designated politically incorrect by now.