Dear visitor, if you know the answer to this question, please post it. Thank you!

Note that this thread has not been updated in a long time, and its content might not be up-to-date anymore.

poor and invited to wedding ... 2010/9/13 23:09

Could anyone give me a range of the value of monetary wedding gifts please?
for example between X ,000 yen and Y,000 yen...

My Japanese friend has invited me to her wedding at a top class hotel but ... I am poor ... :(

I live in a rural part of Japan.

I know there have been posts on this subject before but they didn't answer my question ..

Many thanks in advance..

by alex (guest)  

... 2010/9/14 07:54
at least 30,000 yen, if you are employed
at least 10,000 yen, if you are a student
by Sohel (guest) rate this post as useful

That's not all 2010/9/14 09:27
It's important to remember that typically there are other costs involved with the wedding?

What will you wear? Do you have clothes (typically a one-piece dress for females) appropriate for a hotel wedding?
What about your hair?

People go broke putting on weddings but often their friends go broke as well, especially if multiple weddings come in a short period of time./

Just the other day my friend spent over 50,000 yen on clothing and the hair salon for a wedding.

If you're broke, don't go out of your way. It's ok to politely decline.
If your friend asks way, say you have a important test the next day or something important.

by kyototrans rate this post as useful

weddings 2010/9/14 10:18
Or, like me, tell them that you wish them the very best, lots of happiness and all that... but are (depending on how you truly feel) either philosophically against marriage or terminally stingy.

I used the first excuse when my brother got married, in another country. Their marriage didn't last long... good thing I didn't spent all that money! when he re-married again I wasn't even asked, much to my relief.. funny enough that one didn't last either..
by Red frog (guest) rate this post as useful

thanks for your comments 2010/9/14 13:49
I see . I have a long, plain dark purple dress my fiance's mother gave me, it is nice but a bit old-fashioned but I don't have anything else! and cannot afford a new one at this moment.
I wouldn't be able to afford all the extras ... such as hair and so on..

If 30,000 yen is the minimum, then there's no way I can go ... that really is a lot of money...


by alex (guest) rate this post as useful

weddings 2010/9/14 14:18
If you are not well-paid then you could get away with giving 10,000 yen. Just don't give 20,000 as it's considered bad luck.

kyototrans, 50,000 yen on clothes and hair to attend a wedding?! I didn't even spend that much on my dress and hair for my own wedding (it was held on a beach), let alone anyone else's. That would be a higher end figure I would think- most guests don't spend that much.
by Sira (guest) rate this post as useful

You can still celebrate/wish.... 2010/9/14 14:32

You can decline the invitation but still can wish them. Here is a true story of one of my lady friends.

It was her friend's (female) wedding but she is unemployed. Since she cant afford the cost of attending the wedding, she chose not to attend the party. Instead, she went to Takashimaya to find a decent 10,000 yen gift (artificial flower with dried petals). At that time there was a sales campaign. So, she got 50% discount on it. And had the flowershop send it to her friend's house.
by Sohel (guest) rate this post as useful

pricey 2010/9/14 15:35
Thanks everyone :)
The cost of a new dress can be pretty pricey and I can imagine that some people may well spend that much ( up to 50,000) on a wedding. Impossible for me though!( I don't have a suitable dress or shoes, all these things add up.... )
Those costs plus the actual gift!! ouch!!
It seems a shame to think such a way, because from my heart I would love to go and support her, but financially it is not possible ...
I have considered going in my plain , old-fashioned dress and giving 10,000 / 15,000 at the most , but don't wish to appear a "cheap-skate" . I would rather spend that money on a high quality gift as was suggested.
It doesn't leave me feeling too good though ...

by alex (guest) rate this post as useful

for the OP 2010/9/14 15:41
Is this friend a good friend or just more an acquaintance? If the friend is someone you talk to often and maybe knows or suspects your finances are not so good, I would recommend telling your friend that you truly want to attend and share their joy but are limited in money. I personally would understand if my friend was not able to afford 30,000. I would not expect such a large amount from a friend who was not able to give it without personal strain. I would then,if I were you, give the lesser amount even if you are not a student. I think sharing my big day with my friends should not have hardship if someone is not able to afford. If this is just a casual acquaintance, then you can either give the lesser amount and go anyway or decline and send something small along with best wishes.
As for the guest spending 50,000 on a dress and salon? Not me. I do my own hair and never expect my guests to go to a salon. Maybe some women go often but for me it is a waste of money to have someone else do my hair when I go to a wedding. You are going to share joy, not to try to compete with the bride for beauty!
by hirosumi rate this post as useful

concerned 2010/9/14 16:30
I hadn't spoken to my friend for a long time until this spring. We used to meet sometimes but naturally drifted apart over the years... so I class her as more than an acquaintance but our friendship is not as strong as it used to be.

My friend mentioned her fiance was concerned about the high cost of the wedding, but she told him not to worry, as the guests cover the cost. So I would be embarrassed to offer the lesser amount...

I myself am also getting married this year, but we are just going to the City Office and then having a quiet dinner afterwards. We are not having a party.

by alex (guest) rate this post as useful

... 2010/9/14 16:58
Obviously, how much you spend depends on where you live and where you shop.

Dress, shoes, purse, accessories...
Every woman I know, this is the shopping list every time they go to a wedding (unless they occur within several months of each other).

If you go to Takashimaya or Isetan, 50,000 yen is conservative.

To the OP, I think you should decline.
Even 10,000 yen is a lot of money when you're a student. I know. I've been in that situation.

Unless you really want to experience a Japanese hotel wedding, you're going to strain yourself for a 2-3 hour event.

There's other ways to celebrate for your friend.
-Give a house-warming gift.
-Buy a bottle of champagne (5000 yen gets you a good bottle) and personalize it with photos, ribbons, and a hand-written message.
-Take her on a girls night out.
-Remain friends with her throughout her marriage and be the one she can talk to when things go bad.

Don't go spending money you don't have and wearing a dress you're not comfortable with (especially if you don't have matching shoes).
You will feel uncomfortable and awkward and end up comparing your hair, clothes, etc. to the looks of all the other girls.
Not fun...
by kyototrans rate this post as useful

reply to this thread