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Japanese boys shyness? 2011/5/19 07:28
So...I've observed that Japanese boys, compared to Japanese girls are more introvert and this is becoming one of my difficulties since I wanted to make friends with them (both boys and girls) and Japanese boys are just more difficult to deal with.

I am a foreigner (Asian) here and has been trying to make friends with the Japanese students. So far, the girls are so nice to me such that even though they are not so good in English, they still try and talk to me. On the other hand, when it comes to the guys, I always am the one who makes the initiative to start a conversation (mostly in English). They would respond and try so hard to talk in English (some are good, some are so-so but not as bad and knows beyond the basic). When I talk to them, they are nice but outside the classroom, we never really "interact" that much. I want to make friends with them and not only be a foreign "classmate" to them.

I wanted to share more of the instances where I felt these guys just don't "like" me but since I have no time atm, I would appreciate to hear your advices.

Thank you very much!
by lastmockingbird  

language 2011/5/19 14:17
I want to make friends with them and not only be a foreign "classmate" to them.

You will find that the more Japanese you can speak, the easier this will get. It's difficult to be anything more than a "foreign classmate" to people when there is a big language barrier- some people, understandably I think, can't be bothered with the awkwardness of trying to converse in a language they aren't all that confident with.
by Sira (guest) rate this post as useful

Boys 2011/5/19 15:32
Guys everywhere are notoriously bad at speaking a foreign language.....

I was interested in English quite early on (already speaking the local French from my birthplace plus standard French, quite different from one another in accent , grammar and vocabulary, and speaking also some Latin)...I was pretty much the only one in class, all the way to grade 12 equivalent (and I went to several schools) then in college, to speak and read English (and by then some German and Italian).

here is a big clue...I was also way more nerdy than jock...
I have noticed that whenever a young Japanese guy approaches me to practice English or French he is also more nerdy than jock...
Being 2 guys it works as they aren't too nervous with me, ...but take an average young guy and ask him to talk in a foreign language to a girl and it is PANIC time..
Look for an otaku and treat him as if you were a sexy looks etc. and try to use as much Japanese as possible.....
let him teach you Japanese rather than swamping him with too much English..
by Red frog (guest) rate this post as useful

context 2011/5/19 20:40
But really, in this school, subjects are taught in English and so students really know english...even beyond average English.

I've tried talking to two boys in my class whom I found out share a common interest with me in terms of music. We chatted a bit about it (in English) and they are quite good at it. All is well. But then outside class, it's just a "hi" or "hello".

Also, there is another incident where I was sitting next to a Japanese guy with my group of friends. I said good morning to him first. Then he asked for my Taiwanese friend's (who was quite good in Japanese) name but didn't ask for mine. I felt what he did was so rude.
by lastmockingbird rate this post as useful

Groups 2011/5/21 06:47
I not really sure what you are expecting/hoping for, but at university in Japan people tend to socialise in groups, often with the people in the club or circle they belong to. My husband still often hangs out with the people (guys and girls) who were in his tennis circle at university years ago for example.

Is there a group or circle you could join?
by Sira (guest) rate this post as useful

Take It Easy 2011/5/21 18:44
Don't forget that you are in a country where their mother tongue is Japanese. The school may be English speaking, but many of them must be more comfortable with speaking in their own language. After school, they are not required to speak in English.

Why don't you respect them and make more effort to learn and speak in Japanese? I think you would get more respect back.
I live in a foreign country and I don't expect them to speak in my language for me. But when back in my own country, I expect anybody to speak in my language. I feel pleased, if a foreign person at least try and speak in my language. Then, I'd be happy to take the time to understand him/her or use English to make it easier (if both speak English. I don't speak any other languages...)
I'm not really keen on a foreign person just expect me to speak with him/her in English right from the start, in my own country.

As for the boys in your school, do you know if they hang around with girls as a casual friend after school? Maybe they don't get too friendly with a girl of any race, unless she is his girl friend. If they are shy, they are shy. You can't expect them to change what they are, just for you. Still, it wouldn't do you any harm to greet and initiate a short talk with them in Japanese after school. But don't overly expect them to become friends with you right now.

You said the girls speak with you. How are they after school? Do you not want to get to know them more? It seems to me that your concentration is more on the boys who are fluent in English... You never know, a friendship with the girls might lead to one with the boys.

As the above poster said, joining some activity group might help. There must be after school clubs in your school.
Good luck!
by kkk (guest) rate this post as useful

@kkk 2011/5/21 19:35
you have a point but with my level in Japanese, then it's as if I'm already doomed in making friends with Japanese boys :(

Also, yes I totally have no problems with Japanese girls. They are my friends both inside and outside classroom. In fact, we even hug each other whenever we don't see each other for the rest of the day. That's how close I've become to the Japanese girls here.

Japanese guys on the other hand, seem to me like a totally different "specie" (no offense intended).

I am member of several clubs but most of the members are also girls. It seems that guys are into sports clubs but I am not in sports and I don't want to push myself to those circles I am neither interested in or passionate about just to befriend Japanese boys.

by lastmockingbird rate this post as useful

You are not doomed! 2011/5/21 20:30
I didn't mean to put off from trying. I just think it might help, if you try your best to speak even in broken Japanese more often.

If you were a boy, it would probably be much easier for the boys to be your mate after school. Maybe, they wouldn't want to be seen chatting up a girl outside school time and get teased in school next day.
Don't think they don't like you. It may not be a question of their liking or disliking you.

So, enjoy the frienship with the girls and the school time conversations with the boys. You might find some boys in the future by yourself or through the girls. I really hope you enjoy your time in Japan.
by kkk (guest) rate this post as useful

You have a chance 2011/5/21 22:29

Do you have a video/computer games club in your school? A good chance to see guys there.
You can also visit carshows, motorshows, electronic gadjets exhibitions, etc. after your classes.

You mentioned that you are not into sports. Even if you were into them, I doubt you would get much closure with guys there anyway, since they might be too cliquey and you might end up feeling even more excluded, who knows.

You can visit places with a couple of girlfriends after you finish your classes instead.

Good luck :)
by lotus (guest) rate this post as useful

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