how to approach a j-man?

Hi; i recently got to know a nice japanese man. so yeah i obviously got a crush on him. since i#m kinda shy i usually wait for the man to take the first step. but now i came to know that he said that he's so shy that he can't approach womans he like no matte how much he would like to. so yeah... i'm afraid that if i want something to happend i have to do the first step. but HOW? i mean what way is appropiate to approach a j-man. i don#t want to appear desperate or even creepy! btw I'm 26 and he's 13 years older (problem?): he's not the typical stereo type buisness man but still pretty japanese i think:

hi, fallen theres one of many ways to ask him out to get him to talk to you . One way is to ask him if he knows of any good resturantsthat you can go to with good food! and if he answers yes ask him if he can show where it located and if he would accompany you because your not familiar about it. If he agrees your good to go! first date and he wouldnt relize it till it was over! Good Luck!

What the crap, just ask him on a date. Jesus Christ why do people have to be so childish when it comes to this kind of stuff.

I don't think it's childish. I'm half american/half japanese and and live in both countries (constandly switching). I've often seen western girls scare j-men off if they're ''too direct'' (in '' '' 'cause in the west it wouldn't be too direct). Actually she didn't told if she's in japan or he in her country???

Remember how all those men used to seduce you? Well, welcome to the battlefield.


Just give him the illusion is in charge. Don't invite him to the restaurant or anything, just mention how you like starbucks, french cuisine, whatever. Tell him you will be free next week. If he doesn't bite after a few tries, he is not interested.

You don't want to be too direct, unless you're ready to take the risk of a one-night stand.

well, sadly, my experience with japanese guys hasn't been that great. i just met up with a japanese guy and he ended up being a jerk! so, i am trying myself to meet japanese men off the internet, however, they are sooooo shy. it's pretty irritating, actually. i know i am attractive (i'm mixed with a TON of races), and i speak japanese proffeciently. so i guess i can't help but wonder myself how to approach j-men since i have an interest in them. and i've learned that j-guys are like any guy, and lesson well learned i guess. this might seem random, but how does one pick out the duds from the genuine ones?

this might seem random, but how does one pick out the duds from the genuine ones?

I think you've already answered your own question:

i've learned that j-guys are like any guy

So approach J-guys the same way you would any guy, but note that actually getting to know them will be further complicated by the distance and you will honestly never be able to tell for sure until you meet the person face to face.

BTW, weren't you the one with the thread on whether or not you should stay the night with your Japanese pen pal without having met him yet? He sounded extremely sketchy from your posts, and I'm assuming it didn't go so well?

i did end up meeting this guy, and he convinced (more like pressured me) to stay at the hotel with him, and it was not one of my better ideas to agree to it. he basically ended up yelling at me and kicking me out of the hotel room!! only because i accused him of taken advantage of me (the guy was really boring and i drank like six beers). he claimed that japanese guys are kinder than american guys, but that incident has def told me otherwise. so now, i will only meet j-men offline... because yeesh, he has scared me away from japan guide entirely! i wonder if some guys are actually on this site looking to use american women, and the thought sickens me... heh.

“he said that he's so shy that he can't approach womans he like no matte how much he would like to”
So, this is why he cannot approach you? mmm……
Do you think he likes you too?
He might not be so interested in you if he has not approached you at all but because he does not want to hurt your feelings, he just says that he is shy (so he doesn’t have to move on to the next level on the relationship) or he might have somebody else he likes.

Oh well, he didnt said it to me, a guy that we both know told me he once said that to him. btw i'm not in japan, he's in my country actually!