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girl/girl 2011/11/22 06:47
Please... this topic may make some people irritated, but this is the way I think, and I am just being completely honest.

When I was younger, (I am 26 now) I went to Japan to model. I did not do anything outside of that industry and the only people I had contact were pretty much other models. I love(d) Japan, though. Later, I went to college and I studied Japanese until I graduated. I have a grasp of the culture, and I have a number of Japanese friends as well, though I am not espcially close to any of them and there are not quite so many Japanese here.

Here is where I would like your thoughts, onegai..
I am a woman, and I am pretty independent. I am very attracted to other women and I like to date them if I like them enough. I am attracted to Japanese women for both their aesthetics and appearance. From my experience, a lot of women think I am very attractive, and girls often tell me they have crushes on me, try to kiss me, ect.. I particularly hang around asian women, but most of them are NOT Japanese.
When I go to Japan, I want to sincerely know to what degree that would be acceptable there. With my Japanese friends here, I have not asked them their thoughts because a question like that is embarassing and inappropriate.

I am not especially asking this because I want a Japanese girlfriend. I just want to know if I will get an instand bad rep if men and women find out that I prefer the fairer sex. And if I act on that, which I am not against doing in the least even without expectaions, Will I be excused because I am gaijin, but perhaps lose some respectability?

Please discuss this with me. I know I am really asking a series of leading questions, but I really do not have a concrete or specific question. How do you feel about the scenario I described, and what do you think will happen? What do you think a good scene for me might be? I do not like bars. I like very traditional, feminine things about the Japanese culture, so therein lies another potential problem, as my practices tend to be something more contemporary in acceptance.

thank you all
by shira (guest)  

Re: girl/girl 2011/11/22 08:03
Whether girl/girl, boy/boy or girl/boy, public kissing and hugging is not considered good manner in Japan. It should be done in a private environment only.
by Uji rate this post as useful

Re: girl/girl 2011/11/22 16:18
I guess the point is not wether public or private.

Here is one story I heard in Tokyo from a girl in mid 20s who game me the first impression that she was a lez when she said she loved deep kissing with girls, not boys. But she insisted she wasn't, yet she would force a deep kiss to a pretty naive girl when she liked.

She also said when she is sober, she is reluctant, but once with some alcohol, she goes into that mode. There was another girl listneing, and the kissing bandit told she was ready for her. The girl just chuckled and reacted with a soft declination. (I fanned the flame, but didn't work..) Anyway this type of talks are not unusual under some circumstances.

This was all about the story I heard directly from her in a night club... It sounds OK to all. At least nobody or few would give you a cold sholder on you. Tolerance is wide here.


Ponit1: do it after you become good friends with the girls. Some may hate it, others are OK. Maybe you pretend drunk a bit.

Point2: speak Japanese when you do it. That makes them feel close, otherwise, you just become hen-na-gaijin.

Point3: make it confidential within your friends. Do not mention in your facebook..

Point4: there is a possibility that the girls you kissed could be real lez. Then you might live with them for the rest of your life.

good luck in either way...
by JayKey (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: girl/girl 2011/11/24 11:12
@Uji your response is totally irrelevant to the the question....nowhere does she mention public displays of affection and it speaks more of your attitude or assumptions regarding homosexuals that you felt it needed to be said.
In fact most gay couples would refrain from even holding hands in public for fear of drawing attention to themselves whereas recently it is not uncommon to see young straight Japanese couples kissing and hugging in public.

to the OP...
It totally depends on you and the people around you. If you have a nice group of friends then I am sure they can accept you for who you are, maybe they will take time to understand as many gay japanese tend to stay in the closet, get married and live unhappy lives...but I think people can be very understanding if you give them a chance. In Japan like any country there are all kinds of people (even lesbians!) so I don't think you will have a problem meeting people.

by gilesdesign (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: girl/girl 2011/11/24 12:31
I am very sorry for not reading the question properly.
by Uji rate this post as useful

Re: girl/girl 2011/11/25 07:12
Uji doesnt need any defending, but the comment was fair enough, I thought, because the question went to the reaction of people if they "found out". Generally people "find out" about a preference from seeing it, hence the caution that no matter what your leaning is, the social no-no is a public display. I dont think that the comment demonstrated any particular attitude, quite the contrary. Jeez!
by Hang on! (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: girl/girl 2011/11/25 08:57
I also have to admit that I simply did not read the question in any detail, at all. It's a bad habit.
by Uji rate this post as useful

Re: girl/girl 2011/11/25 10:37
It is not a big deal, Uji misread the question something we are all guilty of occasionally.
I disagree with the point that people "find out" from seeing public displays of affection. Lke the OP many people are scared of peoples reactions to their sexuality so the chance of seeing public displays of affection between homosexuals is extrememly rare in Japan...I certainly wouldnt use public displays of affection as a way to break the news to friends, that would be extremely odd behaviour...the OP just talked about her fears of telling people.
by gilesdesign (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: girl/girl 2011/11/29 07:26
Shira why dont you try visiting the lesbian bi clubs in Tokyo there you can get first hand advice from both japanese and gaijin women i think that would give you a good prespective on whats going on around you.

wishing the best...:)
by Me (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: girl/girl 2011/12/1 05:59
If not already done, you may want to see some Japanese dramas/scenes in YouTube to get general ideas.
Search input:
Strawberry Shortcakes (1/13),(13 episodes)
カケラ 2010 Part 1 ( Japanese Lesbian Movie)--Eng Sub,(3 parts)
And other uploaded videos.
by amazinga (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: girl/girl 2011/12/1 15:50
Wow...same situation as mine!!!
I'm from Thailand, Bangkok.
In Thai, I can be who I am since there are lots of gay and lez. You can easily see gay+lez couple holding hand and walking around. Anyway, I have to stay in Japan for my Ph.D. and I'm so confuse how to act here. I used to go to lesbian club in shinjuku but that's not help because of my poor Japanese language skill. For now, nobody knows my preference and I feel not so comfortable.

Sorry, I did not answer yr question but I just want you to know that I'm also have this problem.
by Me too!!! (guest) rate this post as useful

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