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Differences between genders? 2012/4/23 03:00
Does anyone know a guide/overview about the difference between the language men use and the language women use during daily conversations? A Japanese (female) friend of me says that my Japanese is pretty good (we talk in Japanese most of the time) but that the way I use the language is sometimes odd and funny. I'm a guy, but apparently I don't talk very ¨manly¨. This could be right, 'cause almost all Japanese people I know and talk to are women, including my teacher. So now I want to work a little bit on this :) Can anyone point me to a good resource on this? Thanks in advance!
by akuji (guest)  

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/4/23 16:50
It is difficult to give suggestions without knowing your Japanese, I had similar remarks and when I dug into it, it was not that my Japanese was feminine-like, it was more that a Japanese bloke would not talk in "school Japanese" with friends. First of all, talk to your teacher about this. When talking to friends you could use 'boku' instead of 'watashi', drop the masu form, etc. However, if you also talk Japanese at work, you really have to know what politeness forms to use at what time or you could instead be perceived as rude. :-)
by Kalle (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/4/24 21:59
I say you need to hang out with blokes more. This is the age old gaikokujin problem. I am female but speak Japanese like a guy from Hiroshima because I've been married to one for years.
by Elyse (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/4/24 23:05
Many if not most people experience this when first living in Japan.

The only real solution is to make guy friends and spend as much time as you can with them. When I first did an exchange in Japan I got the same feedback and immediately starting spending most of my time with male friends. It's easy to get caught up in all the girls but trust me you will come to hate that people think you talk like a girl.
by ... (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/4/25 02:29
From manly to neutral to feminine
let's go=行くぞ=行くか=行こうか=行きますか=行きましょうか=行きましょうね
Which is yours? 
by ay (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/4/25 03:02
To be honest, I would probably use 行きましょうか or maybe even 行きましょうね :)
by akuji (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/4/25 16:11
hahaha. You gotta 'man up' Akuji, you do sound like a girl! I am at the other end of the scale where 行くぞ sounds the most natural to me but it's not really appropriate being a woman.
But as I studied Japanese formally long ago, I should know better, so there's really no excuse!
Now that you are aware of it too, you can make a conscious effort to change this habit today. Little things can be changed immediately.
Use おれ amongst your friends rather than 私 (there's a whole other ぼく vs おれdebate, worry about that later.) おれ sounds more masculine but the reality is we don't use the subject 'I' much in Japanese.
Step 2 Learn and apply the more appropriate sentence endings. Drop でしょう immediately in casual situations use だろう instead. Use だ instead of です at the end of your sentences. Result immediate manliness!
Ask your female friends to correct your speech forms until you get used to it. Better than that, as we have all been saying, get some male friends and start thinking like a man - true, it's psychological! Watch some TV dramas and copy the masculine speech. You've gotta get it into your head so it comes out naturally - lower your voice register and think like a man and you will get immediate results. You don't wanna sound like a girly man だろう (no offence intended to any girly men out there)
by Elyse (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/4/26 00:27
You need to hang around guys but do it carefully at the beginning. You don't want to be labeled "Okama"(gay) and ridiculed.
You may want to study a little first as you seem proficient in the language. You will pick up in no time.
by ay (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/4/26 23:14
1. learn japanese to a decent enough level were you can tell the different nuances of speech.

2.look for some male japanese actor you like and who's style fits you, watch real-life! dramas and copy that persons style of speech over and over till it is yours.(NOT anime)
you can basically go from ultra macho to ikemen gentlemen.Thats what I did years ago.

3.about watashi vs boku vs ore thing, i tell you what a japanese girlfriend told me about it once.
in formal situations(company, school, unfamiliar people,etc) you generally want to use watashi.boku may work but stick to watashi.when with friends and more familiar people you can use either of them. but be very careful with ore, it is a boastful word that subtle implies you are looking down on people around you. boku in familiar situations is more polite that gives others the feeling you are more of a reserved and polite person. though i was told that boku when used by adults can cause some people to think you were either a spoiled kid in your youth or you are some eternal wannabe boy.

I know it's hard for guys because the moment they set foot to japan they have girls all over them. I (as a guy) found it very hard to make male japanese friends.
by moon442 rate this post as useful

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/4/27 23:29
Use MANGA especially the ONE-PIECE is todayz best.
by 36madcooky rate this post as useful

listen to guys your age 2012/4/28 21:30

As suggested, either make guy friends or listen to guy dialogs (instead of reading them). And these guys should be those of your age range and characteristics. You don't want to sound like a 50 year old when you're only 20 or sound like an otaku when you're an athlete.

The point is to want to sound like a guy.

The same thing happens to most little boys in Japan. Most kindergarten boys sound like their mom or their teachers who are mostly females. As they move on to grade school and start fulfilling the dreams of becoming the ideal guy, they gradually catch whatever fad, be it "oira" or "-jane?" or what not (which are inappropriate if you are much older).

And typically, little boys that sound like their moms use "-noyo" but the same "-noyo" can sound very mannish depending on the emphasis.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Differences between genders? 2012/5/2 00:35
Thank you guys for the advice! I think I will work a little bit on this. I met my friend again this weekend, and at one point she laughed a little and told me that my Japanese sounds really cute... I really got to work on that :)
by akuji (guest) rate this post as useful

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