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the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/10/30 23:31
I've been liking this japanese guy for sometime. He's kind of a superior to me at work, but not in the same section. We've been talking online sometime. I'm thinking to get something for him. What is the gift that is OK to give without any direct meaning, and what isn't OK?
by ilsa  

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/10/31 18:38
talking online?
How will you give him?

For reference, I think the common gifts in office are...

1.as oSeibo the year-end gift
about 3,000-5,000yen
something his liking, for example candies?
with typical message like this.
"I appreciate all the help that you gave me this year. It's my earnest hope that our business may long continue."
I think in this case, if it's small, you can delivery by hand in office.
(Normally, oSeibo is sended by mail.)

2.St. Valentine's Day.
a small box of chocolates about 2,000-3,000yen
GODIVA, DALLOYAU and so on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ue4WoI-QpcE&t=54s

3.souvenir/potion
candies about 1,000yen
"When I visited Shibuya, I find this. Please try this, really good!"

4.his birthday (maybe not common?)
something with message like this?
"Happy birthday! I appreciate all the help that you gave me. It's my earnest hope that our business may long continue."

I'm afraid I misunderstood...?
by ajapaneseboy rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/10/31 21:00
We met in the office everyday, but i didn't really have chance to really talk to him because he's not my direct superior. We talked more freely online, on various topic like what we did on weekend, what we like to do, about family etc. I really want to give him something, so he knows that i care about him, without giving him pressure, or somehow annoy him.

Anyway thank you for your suggestions. What if i give him something more personal like tshirt, wallet, perfume etc. Will those give any indirect meaning?

I'm not living in japan by the way. He's an expatriate in our company.
by ilsa rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/10/31 22:01
We met in the office everyday, but i didn't really have chance to really talk to him because he's not my direct superior. We talked more freely online, on various topic like what we did on weekend, what we like to do, about family etc. I really want to give him something, so he knows that i care about him, without giving him pressure, or somehow annoy him.

Anyway thank you for your suggestions. What if i give him something more personal like tshirt, wallet, perfume etc. Will those give any indirect meaning?

I'm not living in japan by the way. He's an expatriate in our company.
by ilsa rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/1 01:36
I think if it's OK in your country, also it's OK to him, he naturally think When in Rome do as the Romans do.

BTW, for Japanese, to ask him about someting you want to give before is more natural.
For example,
"I find very tasty candies, I'll buy yours next time, so you try it?"
"I appreciate all the help that you gave me, so I want to give you gift, can you accept this?" and "How about wallet? I saw nice one."

It's just my personal opinion for reference.
by ajapaneseboy rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/1 08:59
I see. That is informative. Furthermore, what about the situation when giving the gift. He's almost always together with his japanese colleague. I heard it's rude to give a gift to someone when someone else is present. So is it ok just to leave it on his seat, or his car, and inform him beforehand.
by ilsa rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/1 12:40
I think it's OK.
I hope everything works out well.
by ajapaneseboy rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/1 14:17
Why do you want to give him a present?
If it is because you like him, it will give him a strong and direct hint about it (why not a present for his colleague or everybody in the office?).
If you want to make a move and do not scare him off, I suggest you should wait until you two become closer (friends?).
by himcia rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/1 22:55
I guess he already know about me liking him. But i'm not sure about scare him off part. Will giving him present scare him off?

Actually, recently, i went somewhere for vacation. So i just bought few random things, and i want to give him something as omiyage. I really can't call us being friend yet, but is the situation really that awkward? I'm quite clueless. I just thought giving gifts will make us become closer.
by ilsa rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/2 09:58
How about asking him and his colleagues (not him alone) to go eat after work?
How would you fell if someone you do not know very well gives you a present without any reason?
If you went for a trip and it is omiyage, you should give it to you other workmates as well.
by himcia rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/2 10:11
I think this gift idea is slightly silly. If you have a crash on this guy, there are zillion other (better) ways how to let him know without compromising either of you.

Good luck!
by SEA monster rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/2 13:24
I'm quite clueless. I just thought giving gifts will make us become closer.

If so, you may want to accept the above advice.
I think himica's is to the point.
Giving gifts will make you become closer, I think so too.
But talking friendly is most important, even to make his consent for your gift.

Japanese often say "Tough it's cheap and poor, please take my gift".
Actually the gift that is not so high-priced but better quality is often selected.
Because the sender try to make easy to accept for the receiver.

So I think giving suddenly wallet, perfume and so on is not good.
Before you talk him about place where you will visit.
"I'm looking forward, I'll enjoy there. Oh, I'll give something to share my happiness. omiyage? What you want? sweets? What do Japanese send as omiyage?"

Excuse my poor English and sorry, I'm not good at such "Love and Relations" topic.(x_x;
by ajapaneseboy rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/2 13:37
One more thing. He is Japanese so if you give him a gift, you will give him also an obligation to give you something in return. By giving him a expensive gift (anything more expensive than a box of chocolates), you will probably make him only uncomfortable.

Summarizing:
1. Becoming friends (going out for a dinner/drink, talking in real life, doing some activity on weekend - not necessarily only 2 of you, better in a group)
2. Give him omiyage from a trip. Nothing expensive.
by himcia rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/3 17:46
I already gave him the gift, before i read the few new comments here. There's no helping it now. Hopefully it wont be a burden. It is just an omiyage, not an expensive one at that. And i gave it to him face to face. He just ask where's it from, and thank me.

Thanks for all the comments and guide. I learned a lot.
by ilsa rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/3 18:47
Oh, great!
I hope you become more close friendly
(going out for a dinner/drink, talking in real life, doing some activity on weekend - not necessarily only 2 of you, better in a group)
as himcia's said.
Take it easy!
by ajapaneseboy (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: the ok and not-ok gifts for japanese 2012/11/3 22:39
Thank you. I can't really tell what his reaction is like. If he's annoyed then he didn't show it. He's quite shocked maybe, but seems to find it interesting.

In our culture, at least to me, liking someone doesn't really mean i want him. I just want to get to know him and be among his friend circle. I don't think he understand that, but no idea how to tell him without him misunderstanding.
There is one female japanese staff that know about me liking the japanese guy. The female staff sometime would go to the office together with the guy. But since she knows about my crush, she stopped going to office together, and then when asked, she said 'i've to consider your feeling'. I was very shocked because i don't mind them coming together at all.
by ilsa rate this post as useful

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