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Why is Japanese room mate antisocial? 2012/11/9 04:13
My daughter is a student at a university in Canada. She is not Canadian although she is a native English speaker. Her Japanese room mate has refused all attempts by my daughter to have a conversation. My daughter has now given up trying to be friendly and they do not speak to each other at all. Why does the Japanese girl refuse to speak? I wondered if she was homesick or depressed but my daughter doesn't think so.
by Sarah Morrison (guest)  

Re: Why is Japanese room mate antisocial? 2012/11/9 08:56
"Some" people consider sharing a house/apartment with someone else as simply a way to save housing costs, and refuse to see it as a way to expand their social circle. "I am not doing this to make friends" is the message they exude. Maybe someone taught them that roommates are simply necessity :( Too bad, but if your daughter's roommate happens to be of that sort, there is nothing she can do about it.
by AK rate this post as useful

Re: Why is Japanese room mate antisocial? 2012/11/9 10:05
I know many lacking the critical social skills. Many single child Japanese kids, especially pampered at an affluent family, do not know or have not learned the skill to socialize & remain self-cocooned. They are very selfish and do not and will not feel empathy for others but remain very lonely.
She wants her own room like she is used to but her parents may have thought to let her learn the social skill a little. She would be refereed to see a psychologist in western countries.
I don't know if there is any hope for her to stay in the dorm if your daughter try to open her up a little.
by ay (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why is Japanese room mate antisocial? 2012/11/10 21:23
It varies with individual.

Generally Japanese adults do not make casual friends easily and prefer to know a person well before gradually she/he accepts him/her as a friend.

Similar to Korean collective mindset in making connections and Japanese preference for privacy however when they bond and accept a friend, he/she ties in as an extended family member.

Be patient, it clicks or it won't is part of life experiences.
by Donaldl rate this post as useful

Re: Why is Japanese room mate antisocial? 2012/11/11 00:45

I wonder what you mean by "refused all attempts to have a conversation." Do you mean that the roommate never even responded with a yes/no or even a smile? Not even "hello" or "thank you"? Or are you saying that the roommate responded but it just doesn't develope into a longer conversation?

Very often, foreign students are not familiar with the local language. She may have studied in Japan, but may not be accustomed to hearing native speakers speak. What your daughter thinks as textbook English in her home country may not be what is familiar for the roommate.

Also, a lot of people are shy. Especially young people and Asian people. The roommate may have found it stressful to engage in a conversation with someone she doesn't share any preferences with.

Okay, the roommate may not be social. But we can still communicate without using words. Offer her snacks or drinks. Make sure she's updated with important information. She'll learn that your daughter is just trying to be friendly.

But sometimes leaving someone alone can be the most friendliest thing one can do.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why is Japanese room mate antisocial? 2012/11/11 06:50
Uco is right.
It is true too that in many cultures one is less ''wide eyed and smiling broadly''friendly that in North America..but then the OP daughter is not from Canada..

It is true too that some people---I am like that--get good vibes from one person the very first time they see one another, and get bad vibes from another person the first time. That person may be OK but we just don't "click"..

I have never experienced sharing a room with another person I didn't know before hand, but both in college and in the army (it was compulsory for all young men in my country until the late 1990s) we were 60 guys in one huge room. 60!! can you imagine that! and we shared a shower room that could even take more guys than that at once!

In both places we quickly became friendly with 5-6 guys max (moving beds and lockers around to stay together in the dorm). Each group seldom ever talked to the other guys in the dorm.
There is only so many people one can be truly friends with.

by Red frog (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why is Japanese room mate antisocial? 2012/12/31 12:15

How long has your daughter been with her Japanese room mate? Like others have posted some individuals just don't want to socialize with others. Maybe your daughter's room mate is living abroad on her own for the first time and is shy? Who knows the real reasons, but the only thing I can say is that your daughter should continue to say hello/goodbye and attempt to talk with her room mate from time to time. Maybe one day the Japanese room mate will warm up to your daughter.
by Masashi808 rate this post as useful

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