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2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/15 20:14
Hi I asked a Japanese work friend to go for a drink, he works in a different department but I met him twice before. I asked him to go for a drink just us two because he seems really friendly and his English is unusually good compared to others in my that too friendly?, should I invite other people? I am a guy by the way if that makes a difference. I don't want him to think I am asking him on a date but I don't really want to invite other friends so I can get to know him and chat in English. Is it considered unusual for 2 guys to go for a drink if they do not know each other so well?

by Guyot (guest)  

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/16 09:34

Im japanese guy.
This is my subjective.
I will think it very too friendly .
Because such cases probably will not happen if Japanese people.

by kaikuu (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/16 11:18
ok but I am not japanese, so I am wondering how it would be considered for a Japanese person to be asked by a non Japanese person. I am assuming if he feels uncomfortable he would just ask to invite another person but since he hasn't I am assuming it is OK for him.
by guyot (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/16 15:13
If you make a point of saying "Just the two of us..." then yeah, that does seem rather scarily gay.
But if you just leave it casual at lets get a drink then its no problem having just the two of you.
Why don't you want to invite other friends too? Sounds odd. You are attracted to him? As if thats the case then making it sound like a date probally is the way to go.
by takeda's ghost (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/16 19:22

I am anxious about it, too
by kaikuu (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/16 21:12
Many Japanese male guys, including me, if they are heterosexual, don't mind gay people as long as there is no intimate relationship intended. If you are gay and if he isn't, and if you just want to go and drink with the guy for the sake of friendship, ask someone to come along with you. It's manners. Among men and women it could be the same.

If you are open about your characteristics, you might just say, OK I'm gay but I'm not after you. And I don't want you to think of me like that. I'm just wanting people to chat with so I'm going with another guy as well. Want to join in?
by I'm not a homophobe but not gay either (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/17 13:43
OK I'm not a sexual predator ! but I am gay. I guess I am curious and slightly attracted to him as friends or something more I am not sure. However, I am not so stupid and desperate to go chasing after straight guys or people in relationships etc and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I never said "just us two" or anything creepy like that but I didn't talk about inviting others either.
The reason not to invite others is partly because i want to speak english with a japanese person who is completely fluent in English (hard to find), if another person comes along the conversation will either be in dumbed down English or dumbed down Japanese. I guess another reason is because I want to keep my options open for friendship or something more, even if he is straight or uninterested I would still like to be friends so I definitely don't want to think of this as a date. He smiles and makes intense eye contact with me when we talk which I find quite unusual and confusing. I am not sure if I even like the guy yet and there is no way for me to know if he is straight without asking him (I can't do that to anyone), many gay and bisexual people, myself included, do not behave or look like the effeminate gays on tv and majority of gays in Japan are not open about their sexuality and never "come out". So perhaps these situations have to always be slightly more ambiguous and develop naturally rather than be predefined as gay love or friendship before you even get to know the person? If I imagine myself in that situation with a girl inviting me, if I felt uncomfortable I would just ask to invite another person...I'm hoping he would just do the same. I guess I am more anxious now after you all said "gay!" Oh well he still seems warm and friendly, perhaps I am worrying over nothing.
by Guyot (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/18 13:18
It's alright. There is no single correct answers to such question. Relax, and enjoy life.
by Relax (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/18 15:25
I hear you, Guyot. It's almost impossible to find someone in Japan who you can talk to in English without slowing down or dumbing down...

I don't see anything wrong with you asking him out for a drink. Heck I've seen 2 Japanese guys dining at a fancy Italian restaurant on a Saturday night just the two of them once. And guess what? None of them were gay!

I guess it's up to him to decide whether he wants to bring someone else or not and if he feels weird about the whole thing, he would do so without you saying a word to him so chill out.
by nina (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/18 18:36
I sent a message saying I don't mind just us two but let me know if you want to invite more people, his reply was "just us is okay" so I feel better now at least I gave him the option and hes not just being polite and uncomfortable by coming alone but I'm still confused...possibly even more so now. Oh well I'm just going to have fun. Thanks.
by Guyot (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/25 19:58
Let us know how things go! I hope everything turns out alright for you.
by SuniiMori rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/26 02:26
I really love this post! Thanks for sharing this with us. Now we all want to know how the drinks went! I am a woman and not gay, but I had a friendship with a gentleman in Japan and I would have loved to see it progress before I left. He made the same kind of eye contact with me (which I also felt was unusual) and I think if I had stayed longer, one of us (probably me) would have asked each other out for a drink. I know this is a different situation, but in a way similar, so am curious to see how this all plays out!

Good luck!
by 3olives rate this post as useful

Re: 2 guys going for a drink 2012/11/27 08:35
Thanks but not sure how you were able to judge the sexuality of two strangers at a restaurant??. You mean they were not flapping their hands and talking about musical theatre in a cloud of pink smoke? haha...If only it was that simple. It is possible to notice gender identity (degrees of masculinity and femininity) but probably not sexuality. Yes effeminate men are often gay (most likely to be passive gay partners rather than active role) but there are also effeminate straight men. Equally there are many masculine gays. If Gareth Thomas the most capped rugby player for Wales sat down at a table next to you no doubt you would be saying "guess what he's not gay!". Gender identity and Sexuality are not the same thing. Many lesbians are also not butch but just behave like average girls. I often think many Japanese men behave more feminine than I do, but of course they are not all gay. Also in terms of physical appearance, testosterone levels also don't indicate sexuality either since unlike many Japanese men I can grow a full beard and have hair on my body it doesn't change the fact I am gay.

by Guyot (guest) rate this post as useful

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